I write this never really believing this day would come . Two female friends I lost because they did not believe I had been abused by 2 former boyfriends.
To have to go through meeting 2 men and after leaving one who verbally and emotionally abused me, I met a second.
Only someone who had endured this can begin to know how much strength it takes to leave an abuser and go through it twice in 2 different relationships takes double the strength.
To compound the pain both of these men after I left made it their duty and mission to discredit me and make me look like I was pure crazy in my claims that they were abusers to my friends.
They maliciously made lies up claiming they were the victims and how I had made their lives Hell because both I kicked out of my home because of their abuse of me.
Imagine the utter dismay when both these relationship men not only devastated me emotionally but they both continued to deny and lie to cover their actions to the same friends both men knew.
I had known my girl friends 6-7 years. We had shared laughter and tears together and socialised over meals many nights. When we were upset we could count on each other. We shared stories of our pasts and confessed many of our joys and fears. I looked at these 2 women as my sisters.
We even shared stories of our relationships and how each of us had been in abusive relationships. Their relationships had been physical and I shared in the joy of one over coming it and moving on to find a new partner and the other still trying to make a mentally and emotionally abusive relationship work. We both tried many times to convince this one friend to leave but she never did. She also had been one of my greatest supporters when I was in the midst of my own emotionally abusive relationship to an addict and when I left offered me encouragement. The other friend wasn`t so understanding and denied my relationship had ever existed since I hadn`t shared the details with her since her boyfriend was good friends with my abuser. I was devastated when the friendship ended after I confronted her on her seemingly favoritism she showed more so to my ex over me.
Fast forward and I meet abuser number 2 and my other friend is thrilled because it is a family member to her. She warns me early on he is a heavy drinker and I deny to myself how serious an addiction he actually has until later into the relationship.
So you can imagine after I left the first relationship to realise again I am involved with another emotionally abusive addict.
I very shortly after realizing left him also.
Abuse is a funny thing. People get uncomfortable when you mention it. They cannot fathom anyone being with an abuser. When that abuser is cunningly, manipulative and charming to others yet behind closed doors they are making their partners lives a living Hell it is that much harder to prove.
It nearly destroyed me to go through 2 abusive relationships but sadly since I did not have the prove of such a relationship to be abusive since it was not physical or witnessed I was abused mentally by my ex partners to protect their guilt.
I had been label crazy, controlling , nagging, lazy, amongst many things and this use of these words were relived to my friends by my abusers.
I was completely abandoned by my friends and both chose to side with my abusers.
My abusers thought they had won. My friends turned out to not be very good friends and because I had been discredited I was revictimized again by my former friends. They were suddenly turning and do the very same as my former abusers.
I was a shaken woman and yet something inside me said NO.
I would fight by standing up after being knocked down and prove I was stronger than the very people who tried to destroy me.
NEVER believe abuse is NOT abuse just because you cannot see the physical scars.
The pain of this experience I still fight to heal from but I have had many friends through the years that knew me and knew my life and loved me prior to these idiots.
Love is always stronger than hate.
Love encourages growth and makes you know you are stronger than you think.
You may believe you cannot go on but you are wrong. The more people that try to knock a person down the stronger your natural instincts to survive become.
I fought to become who I am and I am still fighting.
I carry battle scars no one can see but a VICTIM I AM NOT !!
I am a survivor , I am not weak , I am strong and on days I feel weak I remind myself how far I came.
These people who had claimed to love and care about me only cared about social approval of an abuser. They forgot about the sisterhood that can run deep between women. The Spirit that burns deep within us due to having to fight to survive after being knocked so low.
I will not ever forget those the knocked me down and those that built me up. I am thankful for both because you helped me prove just how strong I am and how much more value I had for myself than to stay in ANY relationship that does not build me up.
To you ,my 2 former lady friends, I thank you for showing me who you were and how little your world had become and your lack loyalty to my friendship meant to you. I feel sorry for you both.
To those that encouraged me and gave me hope when I felt like quitting I love you more than you will ever know.
My gratitude I can not begin to express.
I am still healing from the lost of these 4 relationships but once you go to war sometimes you have battle scars but gradually you heal, little by little but the one thing you never do is give up !!
I have too many people to prove wrong when they only wanted to see me give up and I refused.
And I still refuse to give up !!!
National Domestic Hotline
www.thehotline.org
