You were my first love, the first man in my life. I really looked up to you, and perhaps I still would, if not for the recent events post our break-up. Alright, I admit I have made my own mistakes, which are probably not easy for you to accept either. You never expected that I would walk out on you. Well, here’s the truth. I don’t know if you will like this or not, but here it is.
I didn’t like the person I had become when I was with you. Simple and straight. I thought, since I loved you, I should make all kinds of sacrifices I possibly could. So, I did. I let go of all my friends, my family, my social life, and even my own individuality. I gave myself up to you completely. My life, my days started with you and ended with you. Somewhere down the line, when I started to search for myself, I couldn’t find me anymore. So, I walked away. Yes, I walked away from you, and became the bad partner everybody loves gossiping about. I loved you once upon a time, but eventually, I wasn’t happy with you. On the contrary, I found someone I did feel happy with. I found someone who made me realize what I had been missing in life. He made me realize how much more I deserved in life. Lucky me, I found him so quick, however that made me even more of a villain in your life.
I admit I got closer to him much faster than I had gotten close to you, but the only reason for that is that I felt that much at home with him to let that happen. What did you do, my dear ex-boyfriend, when you found out? You shot a video of us just to prove your truth and my lie. You called me a prostitute, a slut and even a bitch. You embarrassed me in front of my parents. As a girlfriend, when I gave everything to you, you had no issue with it. When I gave myself to somebody else after walking away from you, you violated my womanhood in every way you could. Even a woman who is a prostitute by profession does not deserve to be talked to in such a cheap manner by someone who is supposed to be a gentleman. Then, ex-boyfriend, what had I done to deserve that? Why am I not allowed to slap you across the face for speaking to me like that?
Ex-boyfriend, you call yourself a gentleman, right? Then today, a woman is asking you a few questions. Is it okay for a gentleman to switch off his girlfriend from his mind for an hour or two and gape at other women strip down in a club? Just because he wasn’t in a relationship with any of those women, is it okay for him to do that? Today a woman wants to ask you, if she did find another man who made her happier than you, does that give you the right to break her moral into so many pieces that she couldn’t pick them up and glue them back together even if she wanted to? We speak of how it is important to reserve a woman’s individuality, her own space, her respect. Yet, you forgot the respect of your long term girlfriend in just one day. You are a gentleman, is this expected from you? Yes, we do live in a society where a man’s 100 sins could be forgiven, but a woman’s one single sin becomes a curse on her life, but I had thought you were different. I didn’t see you as a part of that society, I saw you as somebody who knew my heart and soul. My priorities had changed, but I was still the same person.
Things which are meant to be always will be. Things which are not, no matter how much you and I try, they will not last. Just the way we didn’t last. I had walked away quietly. You didn’t let me; you raped me with your mind. You raped me with your words. You can’t reach anywhere just by crying and screaming. I hurt you yes, and hurt brings to us a wide range of emotions. However, emotions are temporary, they come and go. You must understand that and not allow them to control you. Had I let my emotions control me, I would probably have been dead by now.
I love someone more than I loved you once upon a time. Ex-boyfriend, I do not regret it now, mind it. If that is a crime, then I am guilty as charged. However I am no less a descent woman than I was before no matter what you say or believe. None of it makes me characterless.
It is said that you learn more about a person after a relationship than before. When I said “I love you” over all those, years, I meant it. When I said I don’t want to be with you anymore, I meant it then also. A relationship requires two people, without one it isn’t called a relationship anymore. You were the one in denial. Denial is nothing but a dead end, and that’s exactly where we were headed. Everything in life is temporary, only change is constant. Yes, even I changed. I learned to be alone. I learned to depend on myself. I learned not to leave my security, validation or comfort in your hands. When I was learning this, I wasn’t drifting away from you; rather I was trying to get closer to me. You never understood that, though, and you accused me of not being there for you. Truth is, after one point you can’t constantly put another’s needs before your own. So, I walked away. I walked away and ran into the arms which understood this, which understood me. I had expected you to understand but you never did. Now I expect nothing, and the littlest of things you get when you don’t “expect” gives such an immense happiness I can’t possibly explain. Ex-boyfriend, this man taught me how to not “expect” anything from anyone and still be able to give so much, and still receive so much. From that I discovered what happiness actually is.
Today, because of you I can’t walk out and hold his hand in the open. Today, nobody accepts our love. Someday, they will, I hope. I don’t expect a validation from you, because that is exactly what I learnt not to do. I don’t blame you for my current situation. I don’t expect any answers from the various people in our society who are probably reading this; because I am very well aware of the mentality of the society I live in. I remember apologizing to you for hurting you, for walking away. Hence, I am however waiting for you to come up to me and say “I accept your apology, and I’m sorry for not being a real gentleman, myself.”
My dear, ex-boyfriend, you were the first man in my life after my father and brother, and I used to look up to. I perhaps still would, if you had understood. If you knew how madly I loved you, and if you knew how much more I love this man, now. If you saw how happy I was, and if you really had loved me at some point of time, you would have been happy for me, rather than violate my womanhood. Ex-boyfriend, I no longer look up to you, but I still pray that you find a woman who makes you happier than I did, like he makes me happier than you ever did. I promise, that day I’ll be the happiest person on earth and I will not disrespect you the way you did. I like the person I am now; I love man who has been by my side through all the dirt you threw at me. I have no grudges against you, since that will only increase my own burden. One day I will step out of the house and hold on to his hand with the pride I feel inside right now. Till then, I shall only grow. Thank you, for bringing me to him. Thank you, for showing me a side of you I had never seen before. Yes, you never expected to see this side of me either, and that’s probably where we both failed each other. So, now that it’s finished from both ways, I say goodbye once and for all. I hope you remain happy, and I also hope we never meet. Take care, ex-boyfriend. Today is woman’s day, and I promise that the woman you had tried murdering will never die. She is still sitting strong, rock solid. She has not been cursed by you and will not live her life under your curse. She may have wronged you, but she still has the right to live, love and be loved.
An Open Letter to my Ex on Woman's Day