You were, are and always will be the most beautiful girl in the world. I love you more than life itself, you were the first person in my life to truly love me and want me as a person. For that I'm forever grateful to you. I didn't treat you the way that I should have, I didn't always give you the love that you gave me and we fought more than any couple should have, but for every terrible, tear inducing moment we had, we also had an equally great, butterfly inducing love story. The amount of butterflies I would get around you, how nervous I felt during our first date, how accomplished I felt when I defied your dad's orders and held your hand. How awesome it felt to talk to a girl that was so similar to me and loved me for my geeky, cornball self. All the kisses, the hugs, the cuddles and most importantly, the butterflies. Maybe we were too young, maybe the stars didn't align perfectly for us to remain perfect. You grew up, got smarter and didn't want to deal with me anymore after our parents split us up. Hell, any other girl would've left way before that, but you stuck with me, and because of that, I thought you were gonna stick with me forever. You were my heart. my pain, my girlfriend, my best friend... You were everything I didn't have growing up. I could've went to you for everything, but instead I kept things inside me, and ultimately brought the stress into our relationship. On Dec. 8th 2015, you left for good, and I spent the next two months doing anything humanly possible to get you back. Eventually, we met again at a tournament on Jan 22nd 2016, the week before that, I finally confessed to you that I was dying from blood poisoning. You didn't care, you thought it was a lame attempt to get you back and you still thought it was when I tried to talk to you about it. Then, a few hours later I saw you all over this GUY and funny enough, you told me he was "just a friend" and not to "worry about it". That night, I called you (*67) and nine attempts later, you finally picked up the phone. It finally got through to you, I was actually dying, it wasn't some lame attempt, and the next day whether it was out of false sympathy or truly caring, you let me spend time with you. I made ourselves look like idiots, from the tears, the argument, embarrassing myself, my school, my team and you. IT WAS ALL 1000% WORTH IT. All because I got to spend time with the most beautiful girl in the world and because I got to stare into your eyes and kiss you one last time. I thought I got you back. I thought I was going to have you for the next 6 months of hell with rehabbing an ACL and treating blood poisoning. But, much to my surprise and my heart. You left again, this time to go bowling with another guy. And of course I tried and tried again, but that night was the last time I ever cried I didn't even cry two weeks later when I was the pallbearer at Grandma's funeral. You leaving hurt the most. The same girl, who proved to me that I was worth something and actually loved me, ended up proving everybody right, that I was worthless, that I didn't matter and that I was just a waste of space anyway. You leaving was the toughest pill to swallow, but it made all the other pills that night easier. I made the weakest decision in my life because I didn't know what else to do. I wouldn't be typing this if I didn't get to the hospital as fast as I did. I don't know how I'm still alive, for any other person that amount of Xanax would've killed them. After that, I still kept telling myself that you cared, that you loved me, that I still mattered to you. Up until the spring, when my doctor issued me an ultimatum the day after I passed out and my heart stopped. He told me that if I didn't do anything about it, it would cause permanent damage. I had my friend text you the details because you blocked me. I later found out that You didn't care, you didn't care because I didn't matter to you and you didn't want your time wasted by a guy who was going to be dead in a few months. So instead, you found a guy who wasn't. Fast forward to today (Dec 5th 2016), you've been dating that guy you told me not to worry about for 5 months now, and it hurts more than you could imagine. But, even after all of that, I still miss you, you're still a part of everything I do, and I still get butterflies thinking about every time we kiss. When I was dying, my one wish was to spend one last day with you and slow dance to "Beauty and The Beast." all because you were the only girl who I thought was beautiful. I remember promising to each other that we would wait for each other until Dec 31st 2018, your 18th birthday. You obviously broke that promise, but I'm still keeping it. Thank you for all the good times, and the bad. Thank you for all the kisses, hugs, 11:11's, texts, favors, paragraphs, cuddles, protection etc.. But most of all, Thank You For Loving Me. I'll never forget you.
