I thought we would spend our lives together. I knew we had problems. I guess I should have known better. I saw the signs, but I chose to ignore them. I loved you with a fire in my heart that couldn’t be extinguished. No matter what happened, no matter what you did, I loved you with every ounce of my soul. I loved you with a wild abandon only a teenager could muster. I thought that my love for you was enough. Enough to get us through anything. But, I was wrong. Years passed and promises were broken, lies told, hearts broken, but I still loved you. To this day, I love you still. Even though you’ve moved on. It was so easy for you. So easy for you to start over with someone new. I won’t have that chance for a while. See single mothers who have their children 24/7 don’t have the chance to go out and meet new people. Single mothers who work hard to support their children and give them everything they can in life, don’t have time to go on dates. Single mothers aren’t a hot commodity these days. So while you lay in bed with another woman, holding her close. I lay in bed with our son and read him stories. I bathe him every night, put on his pajamas, brush his teeth, and sing ABC’s. When he asks about you, I tell him you love him. Even though your actions say different. Even though, you can only manage to spend a mere day or two a month with him. I could put up with you making me feel like I didn’t matter to you. But the day I knew that you would make him feel that way too, is the day I had to let you go. That was the day I knew you’d never change. You’d never be the selfless, loving father I thought you could be so I had to let you go because I knew you weren’t good for me and we could never be a family.
One day I’ll get the chance to move on. I know God has a plan for my life and I trust him. One day, I’ll get married and have a real family with a man who recognizes my strength and loves me in a way you never could. And I hope one day in the future, it dawns on you just how much I loved you, just how much you lost when you lost me. It’ll take time for me to get over you. It’ll take time to let go of all the hurt and pain. But I forgive you. I forgive you for everything. Not for you, but for me. I know it's cliche, but it's true. It’s time for me to let go of this hurt and resentment. It’s time for me to heal. So I forgive you. I forgive you for lying to me. I forgive you for cheating on me. I forgive you for all the times you shattered my heart into a million pieces. I forgive you for leaving me while I was nine months pregnant to go party with your friends while I called and called and called for days. I forgive you for leaving me with our infant son while you stayed out for days and didn’t come home at night. I forgive you for making me question my worth. I forgive you for the nights I spent crying on the bathroom floor. I forgive you for getting my hopes up every time you promised to change, only to disappoint me once again. I even forgive you for being a terrible father to our son.
My only hope is that one day, our son has the strength and compassion to forgive you too.
