Dear babysitter to my baby girl:
Thanks for doing this. Thanks for agreeing to care for her for a couple of hours while I tend to a few things. I would honestly rather be doing nothing except care, play with and cuddle my baby girl. However, I have to work right now.
As much as I’d love to bring her along with me, sometimes it just isn’t possible. I believe in moms being able to bring their babies around while they work — don’t get me wrong there. If I could manage things better, she would totally be by my side, with full nursing and cuddle access to me. In a perfect world, I’d do that.
But things aren’t perfect. Sometimes they aren’t always practical. How I wish they were, because I don’t like goodbyes. With my firstborn, I would feel a sense of relief at the onset whenever I’d say goodbye to him and head off to a meeting or a “me time” appointment. I’d relish the thought of not changing nappies and feeling like a cow; I enjoyed the fact that I could make myself up and look pretty for a few hours. But in the car on the way to wherever it seemed was a more important place to be than with my baby, I’d miss him terribly.
It’ll be the same with her.
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So, here’s the lowdown: After realizing I am gone, she will cry. In fact, she will cry loudly, with a tinge of hurt in her little voice. You’ll at first pity her, because she’ll be helpless and feeling alone. After some minutes though, you will frown with pursed lips and wonder what the hell you can do to stop her.
I’ve been there. And while it’s tempting to air your frustrations, sigh in exasperation and gently scold her, please don’t. Treat her with tenderness, as it is all she deserves. Just hold her gently but surely, so that you don’t drop her. Whisper in her ear, “It’s OK,” and gently hum a lullaby to her. She will have tears in her eyes by then, and her little voice might sound scraped from screaming at the top of her lungs. She’s a baby, and that’s all she knows. She just wants her momma, who’d do anything to be with her, were situations perfect.
So cuddle her and hold her close. You may have to endure her screaming in your ears until she falls asleep. Thank you. At least I’ll know she was held by someone who loves her.
Thank you, babysitter, for your patience with her. It’s not easy to soothe a baby who is needy, distressed and confused. I know, I’ve been there. (I still am there several times a week.) It will pass, and she will calm down eventually. Until she does, think of all the virtues you can learn, with patience and understanding being the foremost.
I am over the moon for all you will do for her to make her feel loved and protected. I wish I could be there all the time to provide her with every bit of care she needs. And in many ways, I’ll still “be” there even when I’m not physically there to watch her. That’s why I asked you — her dad, her grandparent, her aunt, her uncle, her godparent, her friend — to be the one to care for her. I’d like to think she sees you as a part of me. So love her in the same way I would, and you’ll see, she’ll love you back.
Again, I appreciate all you do, and thank you immensely for watching her when I can’t.
I’ll be back as fast as I can — you have no idea how fast I’d like that to be.
Because to see her fat and cheeky face smile at me with those eyes is like coming home, every single time. It’s the best feeling in the world, and you’ll get to feel it, too.
With gratitude,
Martine
