It has take a while for me to even put something into writing expressing how I have felt since you left for China. I know this is not permanent, I know we are only one click of a button or Facebook message apart but through electronics you have never felt further away.
It's kind of funny, we both seem to have been blessed with wandering feet and wandering minds, I know now how hard it was for you when I left to Germany. But even being on the travellers end, I still felt this insatiable sense of loneliness without you close to me.
Our friendship started mid way through High School which I think, surprised both of us. It was a time where we both thought we had established ourselves in our separate lives with separate friends and separate childhoods but oh how wrong we were! We were fast friends, and even faster best friends. I always feel like I was meant to move schools just so we'd meet.
It has been almost a year since you left and I am still struggling without you here! I know sometimes it may not seem like it, when I don't message you every day or go for a week without contact but truthfully it's easier that way! Every time I talk to you and share everything with you it makes me miss you that much more and leaves me a little sadder than I started out.
Trust me, the moments of silence from my end (and yours I'm guessing) don't mean that you're not on my mind, I find something every single damn day that I want to tell you about! I constantly find myself thinking, I must not message you every day otherwise it makes it harder for you to be so far away (logic), but I think, for the most part, I'm right.
I am writing this to tell you how much of an inspiration you are. You are the best person I have encountered in my life and I am forever grateful for the friendship and love you have given me and everything you have opened me up to since we met. You are a forever changing and beautiful soul who I am so privileged to be able to share a big part of my journey with.
I know that our friendship has not been the easiest thing at times, but it was in those moments of sadness and conflict that we really became stronger. We have grown together through so much, I have shared every single part of me with you and you with me.
I recently came back to a quote I found which explains a lot of what our friendship means to me.
“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”
I truly believe that all of our perils and victories are meant to happen for a reason, just like you were meant to travel and fulfil your hopes and dreams abroad without me there with you.
All I can say is, I cannot wait for the day that you return and we can finally start growing old. I will always carry a piece of you around with me while you're gone and I'm excited for the day when that piece is reunited with the rest of you. You are my soulmate, my counsellor, my guardian angel, my sister and my Best Friend Forever.
I hope you get everything you need and want out of your travels, and that we continue growing alongside each other in our separate journeys until we meet again.