an open letter to my abusive ex-boyfriend

Subject: an open letter to my abusive ex-boyfriend
Date: 10 Dec 2015

Dear ex,

I needed to get a few things off of my chest. Just because you never physically hit me does not mean you were not abusive. You emotionally controlled me. You convinced me I was worthless. That I could never get anything better than you. You told me everyday how i was fat, ugly, useless, a slut, good for nothing, etc.. you told me to kill myself. You threatened my life, my baby sisters life, my best friends life. You called me a "rape magnet" because I had been raped before. you threatened to kidnap me and bring me to the middle east so you could beat me without getting in trouble. You convinced me I needed you to have any worth in my life. I lied to family and friends for you. I took pictures of everywhere i went because you didn't think I was trustworthy enough. Meanwhile you sent me pictures of you having sex with other girls. But I was the untrustworthy one. You made me miserable and every time i tried to leave you pulled me back in with your fake promises and stupid lies. When i finally managed to escape (being with you was hell I didn't leave i escaped) you try and contact me still. Threatening my life. Telling me you love me. Saying you'll find me. Could you be any less bipolar?

I want you to know I'm not scared. You want me to be scared, to come crawling back to you begging for forgiveness. But i will never do that. I haven't done anything that needs forgiving. I am too strong to be pulled back under your spell. I am too brave to ever run back in your arms. Without you in my life I can see a future. Something i couldn't see anymore. And yes, I did love you. But i loved a version of you that was never you. I loved the fake you. The one i first met. The one only meant to lure me in. I loved someone that never existed. But you, the real you. I could never love a monster.

I also wanted to tell you thanks. Thanks for showing me how strong I really am. Now that I have survived you I know I can survive anything life throws at me. Thank you for teaching me that i need to help others in this situation because some people aren't as strong. Thank you for showing me that bad things can happen to anyone so ill be prepared in the future. Thank you for giving me an example of what to watch out for when dating. Thank you for being a liar so i know not to trust so easily. Thank you for showing me my true friends who tried desperately to pull me out. Thank you for helping me find the real me that I had lost. The strong one who finally stood up to you. I hope the next girl that falls under your spell realizes its a trap long before i did. I wish her good luck.

Your EX-girlfriend.