Good morning,
I know last night was a long night, I can hardly remember what happened past the blur of me frantically trying to find a movie to distract the fact that you were yelling at me. You seem to be yelling at me a lot more lately, and over simple things that we never used to fight about. Last night you rudely reminded me of the time I accidentally kicked the dog. Does that really need to be something you have to yell at me about? And it doesn't stop there either, the night before that, you yelled at me because my socks didn't match. Seriously? Socks? When have we ever had a problem with socks?
But hey, every relationship has its flaws, no? I guess we're just the next step in the process. I hope you slept well last night though, I didn't get much sleep sadly. But at least you got some rest. When I woke up this morning, I had a text from Zoloft - "Don't forget me!" I smiled, swiped up and then all of a sudden, you woke up and looked over my shoulder and read my text log with Zoloft.
Zoloft: Yesterday was amazing! We had such a good day :) I'm glad you're feeling better.
Me: Thanks <3 You make me feel better. I don't know how I got by without you.
Zoloft: Just promise you'll never forget me.
Me: Well duh! Of course I promise.
Zoloft: Okay, I'll see you in a little bit :P (P.S. You look great today)
Me: You haven't even seen me yet!
Zoloft: I don't have to, you're always beautiful.
You got mad. Something about cheating on you is all I could pick up from the yelling.
"YOU'RE SEEING ZOLOFT?" You yelled, "I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!"
I didn't know how to respond but then my phone pinged. A text. From Zoloft.
Zoloft: Hey where are you? I thought we agreed to meet at 6:40?
I picked up my phone in an attempt to respond but you batted it out of my hand and pushed me back down into the bed. "No, you're not going to meet up with him. You and I will stay together in bed all day." You seethed at me.
I eventually was able to sneak out of our room to grab some food while you were asleep and I went up to the kitchen. But when I opened the fridge, I saw him, sitting on the counter. Eating an ice pop he had stolen from the freezer. "You eat too much," he said with his slow, monotone voice. "You really don't deserve to eat anything. When was the last time you even went to the gym?" I bit my lips.
"We broke up." I looked at him and then I heard you coming up the stairs.
"Oh my gosh!" You said to him, embracing him in a hug. "Dude, how have you been? I haven't seen you around in a few days."
"Yeah, yeah. Zoloft has been hanging around here."
You two spoke while I tried feebly to put together a turkey and cheese sandwich. As soon as I had made it and taken two bites. You looked over at me.
"He's right you know, you have been putting on a bit of weight. Do you really want to look like that this summer?"
I put the sandwich down and ripped it in two, giving it to the dog.
"Hey, remember that time you kicked her?" You said.
I bit my lips and closed my eyes, sinking my fingers into her fur.
My phone pinged again in my pocket. It was the Austin Powers ringtone I had jokingly set for Zoloft.
Zoloft: Ashley. Where are you? You're really late and I don't know if I can wait much longer.
Zoloft: Ashley?
Zoloft: ASHLEY.
You grabbed my phone and put it on silent.
"It would be a same if he were to...disappear." He said, raiding through the cupboards and settling on my box of graham crackers. "Don't you think so?"
You nodded and grabbed a graham cracker out of the box.
I grabbed my phone back from you and called up one of my friends. "Hey, uh. It's me. I feel really low. Can we go out and do something?"
I pulled on my trainers and left you two in the kitchen. But you caught up while I was out.
"You should go home." You said, swinging your legs from a tree branch. "I think you left the oven on.
"And not to mention, you're clothes look weird.
"And your friend is obviously bored.
"Come on, if we go home now, we can binge watch TV?"
I nodded, knowing you were right about at least some of those things. I followed you home, lethargic and tired. You picked me up and carried me back into our room and laid me in bed. See you're sweet sometimes. You started playing with my hair and telling me stories. But you made them all dark and twisted.
Zoloft: I guess I'll see you tomorrow.
Zoloft: You still look really pretty you know..
He came into the room after you had fallen asleep and started moving things around and flipping lights on and off. "You know, maybe if you weren't so weird, people would like you more." He hummed. I watched him and knew he was right, you curled closer to me in your sleep.
So to my abusive relationship, can you see what you are doing to me? To my anxiety, you are killing me and to my depression you are cutting me wide open.
