Dear Monica,
I read your article today as published in the Sunday Telegraph ("Bad to the Bone", August25, 2013) and all I can say is … Wow! I see by your website that you are a writer and social commentator so I guess I can excuse the obvious fact that investigative journalism is not your strong point.
Until I read your article, I had not actually heard of the TV show “Breaking Bad” … Thinking it must be an accurate portrayal of parenting I did a quick Google search and I realised that you are taking your parenting lessons from a fictional American creation. Yes, the show has some definite lessons it attempts to portray such as actions have consequences and the intricate importance of family (thank you Wikipedia – Such a reliable source of information don’t you think?) however over all there is never any mention of it’s attempt to give valuable lessons to parents. In fact, it’s fictional and not realistic at all. It has entertainment value but no real “the lesson is clear” moments.
Again, your article sources it basis from another American source “Bad Mother’s Anonymous” a website where Mother’s share comical antidotes about parenting mishaps. Again, I Googled this website and am at a loss to explain how you come to the conclusion that this is a competition to see which Mother can parent the worst? After all, if there were trophies and ribbons then perhaps those that choose to post there would be best to leave their name and the creators and administrators of the website at least have a membership form to fill in so they can contact those that win?
I can only come to the conclusion that you find Google as useful as I do however, the main difference seems to be that I actually click on the little blue titles that appear to gain further insight and information into the website. Those quick definitions on the search page are never very accurate and only ever a snippet. How do I come to the conclusion that your research method is flawed I hear you ask? Well, you see, had you actually clicked on the link that said “Bad Mother’s Club” which lead to the link www.badmothersclub.com.au you would have found out that the Bad Mother’s Club actually amalgamated into the more aptly named Real Mother’s Club as of February this year. Had you actually bothered to do any research regarding the Real Mother’s Club you would have found that this “safe-haven” is much more than a place for Mothers to share their anecdotal stories about “confessing our parenting mistakes”. In fact, you may have found that it is actually a community of wonderful women who provide non-judgemental support to each other on many issues that affect our lives – the good, the bad AND the ugly.
As a long time (and proud) member of this community I find your implication that the “bad mother phenomenon” that you claim is sweeping the world is based on an instinct to be better (or in this case worse) than the mother next to me rather insulting. I take offence to the fact that you suggest that the only way I can communicate with other mothers in the play ground is by swapping bad parenting stories. I am, in fact, quite proud of my the achievements of my little cherubs and I will quite happily swap tales of achievements with my other mother friends. I also know, from experience at athletics carnivals and other school events that this talk breeds competition of its own and quite frankly I was more appalled at the mother who made fun of my son coming last in his running race than I am about the fact someone feeds their kids Fruit Loops in front of the television.
Being a (self-proclaimed) educated person I assume you know the meaning of “safe haven”? The Oxford Dictionary definition is "a place of safety and refuge". Again, had you actually done any sort of basic research into the “Bad Mother’s Club” you may have found out that it IS actually a safe place for Mother’s to talk about ANYTHING. Unlike social media where you are subjected to harassing comments and opinions this does not occur. There is no judgement only support.
What I am curious to know though is why you seem so opposed to a little bit of humour? After all, laughter is the best medicine and if Mother’s everywhere can learn to laugh about their “parenting failures” by sharing them with others and swapping stories where is the harm? The very reason I joined the “Real Mother’s Club” was their never failing support and ability to make me laugh no matter what the circumstance. Perhaps if society learned to laugh a little at themselves instead of shirking responsibility and pretending to be perfect then life would appear a little lighter.
Of course I could cite you all the research into how laughter and happiness has a positive effect on mental well being but your obvious lack of ability to laugh at yourself and your closed mindedness to those who, in an attempt to escape all the judgemental opinions and parenting advice, chose to part take in a little humour every now and again, tells me there is little point.
Perhaps the importance of a women’s mental health escapes you? As if parenting is not hard enough we are now not allowed to find a little humour in it either?
Perhaps next time you decide to write and publish about something using a negative connotation you should really do your research first? Your complete lack of understanding of the “Bad Mother Phenomenon” (as you call it) and your quickness to judge it shows a lack of humour in your life and for that I feel bad for you. After all, as we say in the Real Mother’s Club …. Mums are people too.
Regards,
Belinda Walker
A proud REAL Mother
