An open letter to mothers around me:
First off, I'm going to say I'm sorry before I even begin.
I'm sorry if you sit at the table next to me at a restaurant, or walk down the same aisle as me at the grocery store, or anytime we may be at the same place at the same time. Also, I'm sorry to my sisters, and sister-in-laws. I'm sorry for staring.. I'm sorry for silently wondering why your more "qualified " to be a mom and I'm not. I'm sorry for silently wondering why God gave you 5 children and I would be tickled to have 1. I'm not the only one( regardless of who wants to admit it). I'm sorry for gazing at your little family and admiring the life you have and wishing it was mine.
I'm sorry for taking it personal, and for making you probably feel uncomfortable sometimes.
If you seen my husband with children, you would understand one of the many reasons it breaks my heart to not be able to give him one. On our first date he told me how bad he couldn't wait to be a dad. That was 3 years ago, and were now coming upon our 2 year wedding anniversary.
I see women who are not fit to be mothers( selfish, stuck on themselves, drugs, men and alcohol). And I see women who have "uh-oh" pregnancies. And I (yes I'm admitting this aloud) wonder why God gave you children. Half of them don't even have custody of their children, or even care to go see them.
To you moms who have been in my shoes, and you know where I've been and God has blessed you with a precious baby... I do envy you, but I am SO happy for you. And I know you know what my heart feels.
But to you who haven't ever hid pregnancy test from your husband because you know how disappointed he would be to see another "not pregnant" or just one little line.. please don't tell me you understand. Please tell me you will pray for comfort, but not that you know what I'm going through.
But yet, God I serve you. A BIG GOD, And I know you hear me. Lord I'm faithful to you.And from the mouth of "Brooke Taylor" in "Facing the giants" it rings true to my heart... "I will still love you lord, I will still love you. "
Like I said in the beginning, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings but part of this whole thing is to be honest. And that's what I have been tonight.
Micah 7:7 Therefore I will look unto the LORD; I will wait for the God of my salvation: my God will hear me.
