This isn't a letter to make anybody feel guilty. This is a letter for myself to find peace. With this broken heart of mine it's hard for me to express most of my feelings to human beings directly. I want to get this message to the man that broke my heart, yet, I'm still so in love with. We broke up almost a month ago, which seems like it's been years. I still remember the feeling of my stomach dropping when I could tell you were distancing yourself. Which was odd, because on the phone everything was normal. But when we weren't talking I knew inside that something wasn't right. I remember the day you actually left, without a reason. I remember the exact feeling and running to the bathroom to vomit and then lay in my bed and scream into my pillow with my makeup staining my pillow case. I prayed every five minutes that you would call me and tell me you made a mistake. I hoped everyday that I would just get a text or something from you. Today, I still pray every night and I hope to see your name appear in my phone. There's nothing I miss more than you. I've destroyed some of my friendships because you were more important to me. Which sounds bad, but you were the love of my life. My first love. I'm trying to find love out here with somebody else, but when I lay down at night the person on my mind is you. I want you. Knowing we're never going to get back together kills me everyday. You are my happiness. You know everything about me. You know me better than my mother. I wish everything was the same. I wish we could talk and just smile at eachother because we were so happy just seeing one another. We were so happy to hear eachothers voices. You use to watch me get ready to go places, you'd lift my spirit and even when I thought I looked so terrible you'd reassure me that I didn't. I hope you're doing okay. I hope you do nothing but succeed. I love you so much, and I want the best for you. Even if I'm not the best for you. I hope whoever begins to love you, loves you better than I did because no matter how bad you hurt me I still believe you deserve the world. I want you back, and I need you back. I hope that one day you'll understand that I was the one for you. You're allowed to reach out to me whenever you need to. I miss you.
