Dear Kelly Ripa,
I spent the majority of my sleepless night thinking about what to say to help you understand why your pregnancy joke on April fool’s day was really no joke at all. It was a long night. Let me explain why.
One year ago yesterday, April 1, 2014-my son was born silently into this world. He was an innocent victim of a tragic, senseless umbilical cord accident in utero at 28 weeks gestation. It took me several years, tests, procedures and specialists to conceive my perfect boy and in an instant, he was gone. He is joined by three other of my babies or “pregnancies” that ended far too soon. Both my husband and I suffer from issues that make conception and carrying to term an enormous challenge. Pregnancy is no joke, not in our home. Not on any day of the year.
It may be for some people, I understand this. There are some women-a lot of women-who can blink and get pregnant. There are some women who have luckily never experienced the ache of losing a child or the ache of never being able to have one. To some, the exhaustions of motherhood and multiple children making your life a beautiful chaos comes easy. To others, it’s simply a desperate dream filled with endless prayers and tears.
I thought about how you yourself are a mother and have spoken beautiful words about your children publicly. You appear to be a wonderful mother, I do not take this from you one bit. You are also in a unique position in this world. A position that allows millions of people to hear your words almost every single day. Many women were hurt by your joke. I do believe this was not your intention and I know you will be scrutinized. That is not my intent. My intent is to make you aware of why raging fists and ugly words will come at you regarding your joke.
It wasn’t funny. Not to us mothers with empty arms and bleeding hearts.IMG_1046
I understand that rumors fly about you constantly. That’s part of being in the public eye I suppose. I imagine this is frustrating at times but how wonderful it is for you to have the stage to create awareness. Instead of joking about pregnancy, your voice could have made millions reconsider joking about it. Your words could have spoken about the fact that again, pregnancy isn’t a joke. It is a very vulnerable experience-even for those who don’t suffer infertility.
If and when I conceive my next child, mostly likely through medical means-I will then spend however long my body can carry that child on pins and needles praying for my family to be complete in 9 months. I will inject my belly daily with medications to try and avoid developing blood clots that could be fatal to myself and my baby. I will attend appointments weekly, sometimes several in one week monitoring a little life that we pray will grow and make it into this world, breathing. So no, pregnancy is no joke.
My prayer for you Kelly is that you reconsider the effect of your April Fool’s joke. Maybe next year on April 1, you will remember a little birthday boy named Jake and his heartbroken parents.
Respectfully,
Jake’s Mama
