Open letter to the guy who is my what if

Subject: Open letter to the guy who is my what if
From: The girl who was your rebound.
Date: 18 Feb 2016

To my 'what if'

I know you, I may not have known you long but I knew you long enough to know that you thought about me for more than a second when you decided it was her and not me. I want you to know it's okay you choose her. You were hers to begin with anyway.

I won't pretend that it didn't hurt because truly it did, but here I am. I survived although I thought I wouldn't. You will forever be the guy I have those 'what if' moments for, you know the kind I'm talking about. Moments like When you're sitting there hurting because your significant other has made you feel worthless or when you feel like they is taking you for granted, which whoever it is will even if it is just once.

I know you were confused. you had just broken up with this girl and there I was, trying to help you through as a friend. You wanted more because you were scared of being alone after 4years, I get it. I'm scared of being alone too. In my defense I tried to keep my emotions in check in case I was the rebound, but I had been hurt before and was finally ready for that closeness again. My heart was open weather I wanted it to be or not.

You have a heart of gold and you will make someone's life one day. That's why I couldn't help but fall in love with you. I believe this girl you've chosen to go back to isn't her, because as sweet as she may seem she doesn't deserve you. I'm not saying I do but at least I was trying. You're so sweet and caring, I know you never meant to hurt me. You wanted to be the person who kept their promises. You weren't but one day to some lucky girl out there you will be the one to keep the promises.

For a while you stopped going through my mind, you weren't in my life anymore and didn't want to be. It became clear to me when you slowly stopped talking to me and started hanging out with her more and more. Eventually I got the hint, you never really did tell me I just walked away. In respect for her and respect for you, you didn't need me around to complicate you already complicated relationship.

Tho you never did choose me or her, I remember you telling me I wasn't even a choice. I was most definitely a choice. I wanted to be the reason you smiled, the reason you were happy and the reason you weren't so sad anymore. You were my favourite mistake. I know every few months something will remind me of you and I'll just think, what if. For example, what if I had choosen to fight harder for you? asked you to stay, told you I wouldn't give up rather than just let the conversations slowly fade. What if I had just told you, she's not good enough. She doesn't deserve you. What if it had been me?

From your rebound girl.