An Open Letter to the Guy I Fell For

Subject: An Open Letter to the Guy I Fell For
From: a college girl, trying to find herself
Date: 8 Mar 2016

I want to start off by saying thank you. You led me down a long journey that was filled with laughs and memories. I will never forget all the good times we had and I hope you still have endless amounts in your life.
I fell for you when I first met you. You were quite and I knew there had to be more. When you opened up I realized who you were. Your humor could make any girl fall for you. You were strong when it came to what you wanted and the dreams you had and I admired that. You are one of the smartest people I know and I loved that about you.
When I met you I knew that you were going to change my life. I just wish I knew if it was going to be for better or worse. After I had just got out of another toxic relationship with the ever so common, “it’s not you, it’s me speech” you seemed to be there for me. I guess you seemed promising and at the time I was naïve. We started out as just friends and I guess you saw something in me too. We talked and made plans to be with each other. I knew I was falling hard for you and it scared me. On some of my worse days you would be there to make me laugh until I would forget why I was even upset. With that you saw me on some of my worse days and you stuck around to see me on my best. Your tried to get to know me and learn about who I was, unlike any other guy. I didn’t have to settle for you, I wanted to be with you.

Time changed something in us, maybe we got too comfortable with each other. You decided you didn’t want me like you used to so you decided to let me go. We told each other we would still be friends and we went on like that for a while. It was hard for me because while you were watching other girls I still had my eye on you. It was unfair to me when you would try and get back together with me and it hurt even more every time you would take your love back over and over. All of our drunk nights when you loved me turned into sobering mornings when you couldn’t wait to get away from me. Why was I doing that to myself?
Every day and night we spent together started to change stuff around for me. I started to drop my walls and let you in. You brought pain and joy into my life and I was confused about what it all meant. We could never have a label, a definition, “that’s too relationshippy” you would say. Why did I go along with that for so long and why would you let me?

I noticed that I was jumping over oceans for you, while you couldn’t jump over puddles for me. I eventually had enough and decided to be done. The moment everything changed was when I realized I deserved so much more. I shouldn’t have to wait to hear back from you and I shouldn’t have to question if you were still into me everyday. I knew I didn’t deserve that but it took me this long to realize it. You were sent to me to help me realize what I deserve and how I have to get it.
I deserve to be fought for and loved like I’m the only girl in the world. I deserve to have someone who is always going to be there when I need someone. I deserve someone to see my inner beauty and try to bring it out for the world to see. I deserve happiness and to be free. I deserve truth and honesty. You gave me one thing I know I deserve and that is myself. I found what I deserve and that is everything.
So once again thank you for the journey you gave me. Because in the end I lost you, but I found myself, and to me that means everything.