an open letter to the guy i can't be just friends with

Subject: an open letter to the guy i can't be just friends with
From: me
Date: 22 Dec 2018

An open letter to the guy I can't be just friends with...

I'm still in love with you, but I'm finally getting over you. But I'll never be able to be just your friend. Not because I can't be around you, or that I'm mad at your for not loving me back. It's nothing like that or even close to that.

It's that I don't want to ruin the image in my head of the guy I loved. The one that loved me back. The one who cared about me, wanted me, and I could feel. I don't want to say you have changed, because I don't think that is fair.

I don't want to lose the picture in my mind of your smiling face laying inches away from mine on my pillow. Your eyes closing as you try to hold back that goofy laugh you did when I said something dumb. I don't want to lose the idea of someone as perfect as you were. The idea that someone out there could understand me so well and that I (at least I thought) could understand them back. I love you and the way you are in my memory. I don't want that to change.

By being friends I wouldn't see all the sides of you that I loved. I would be the same as everyone else to you and I just can't see you being the same as everyone else to me.

So there. I'm sorry. I really am because I know all that you want is for me to somehow be in your life. But that's the thing. I don't just want to be a small little tiny piece of your life. I miss being a big part. You were a huge part of mine. You still are... And I don't see that changing anytime soon.

So that's all. Know it's not because I'm mad at you or hate you. Know I wish the best for you and still follow your life from a distance. Know that I think the world of you. Please know that no matter what you do I'll always be on your side supporting you. And lastly I hope you haven't forgotten, know, and continue to believe that I'm your biggest fan.