An Open Letter to the Girl that i never deserved

Subject: An Open Letter to the Girl that i never deserved
From: The boy that didnt realise what we had
Date: 26 Dec 2018

Where do I begin? Where do I start? What do I say? I guess I'll start by saying that i never meant to hurt you. I never want to cause you heartache.

It seems so silly, i thought everything i was doing was for you, for us. i kept using that same old reasoning on why i barely had time for you, i was wrong. maybe i did it for me. but despite all of those you stayed, you stayed for 6 years. you was my rock. you gave me support on days where i think that i should give up, you lifted me up on nights where i think that i should quit, that i have failed. its funny as this all sounded like a fairytale with a happy ending.

Everything was amazing, everything was a bliss. until one day you woke up and realise this was all a faux pas. you realised that you are not happy and you gave up. i dont blame you, i have nothing to offer you apart from being faithful and loving you unconditionally..

i grew up thinking that being faithful will atleast be enough to make you stay. guess i missed out on the day in school where they taught us that it will never be enough. you see, i was raised believing that just because something is broken it shouldnt be thrown away. you always try and fix it, like our relationship.we fix it, be it by yourself or with my help. you try to fix it. specially if it means something to you, because i know it meant a lot to me. but you gave up. we gave up. we lost the fight. we lost because we didnt try.

6 years of being together i never imagined i would be far from you, never thought i would lose you, thinkingthis is the one as you made it through without killing me for my flaws, for staying and sticking around when im being major pain in the backside. i never imagined i would have to face a day not having to call you my "girlfriend" but it happened. IT happened. and now all i see was the memory of the day when the van was leaving. leaving with me and all my stuff inside, and as we were about to leave you came out of the bedroom that we shared for the better part of our relationship together. you came out and we hugged each other like there was no tomorrow as we both know this was truly goodbye. i looked you in the eye to say goodbye one last time and told you that you are strong, and you will be okay going through with this, assured you that this was the right decision as it will make you happier. and as the van leaves i watched you, i watched you as you cry and all i want to do was put you in my arms once again and kiss you.

But now, i wake up everyday without seeing you in your spot next to me, the spot where you lie on my left chest as my arms strokes your hair and your arms and legs wrapped around me like a koala wrapping itself on a tree. i wake up everyday wishing i took more pictures of us. i wake up everyday wishing i danced with you more often. i wake up everyday wishing i never took you for granted...

Where do i end this? where do i finish this? what do i say? i guess ill end this by saying im sorry..