As I sit here in the wake of another failed relationship, I can't help but wonder if my fear of abandonment and deep rooted lack of trust are born out of the child that you left standing on the porch without ever looking back.
You have never been available when I needed you: always putting yourself first and giving the rest of us the scraps. You taught me that there is no such thing as unconditional love... I had to earn your time, your attention, through expressions of admiration and idolization. You only gave to me when it suited you: when you wanted to pretend to be the man you profess you are.
The tales you weave of being a single parent, the hardships you pretend to have faced in 'caring' for us. None of it is anywhere near my truth. You have never sacrificed for your children. In fact, I learned from a very early age that my job was to sacrifice for you.
You see, I remember being told to shut up when I cried. Being told that I was 'lucky' you wanted to spend time with me. ha
