My dear readers,
I write this letter with a heavy and sad heart, but it is not my style to just disappear without letting you know the reason behind my sudden silence.
For some reasons I decided that I need to take a break from writing for this fandom.
I don't know how long this break will be, whether I will need only two or three weeks or a few months, but I lost my passion and my joy writing my stories in this fandom because of the lack of positive feedback I have gotten for my latest stories and some harsh words thrown at me, especially for my Master/boy-series, because some people obviously consider writing and reading about this way of life as something one has to be ashamed of and to be enjoyable only in furtive silence.
All of us writing in this fandom do it not for profit, and our reward for spending our time with providing you with some carefree hours of happy reading is your feedback in form of kudos, bookmarks and especially comments, as short as they might be.
Something like "Well done" or "I enjoyed it" might seem to be short, but it tells us authors that you actually read it. Hits alone don't tell us who read our stories and whether you enjoyed it or not. Hits only tell us that someone opened the story, but it will also be counted as a hit if you close it again without reading it. So, hits are very nice of course, but they aren't any real feedback, at all.
Writing an average chapter of about 2,000 words for example takes me about three to four hours without beta-reading and posting. I am a quick writer and I can write fluently in English by now, but it isn't my mother language, and you perhaps can imagine how long someone being not as quick as I am and writing in a language that isn't their mother language will need for 2,000 words.
I wrote more than 1.6 million words within the last one-and-a-half years and half of them from January 2015 on for this fandom. Add the beta-reading and the posting to the hours I needed to write 850,000 words and you know how much time I spent with writing for all of you wanting to read about your heroes here. The time I needed for such a huge amount of words has to be counted in weeks and months and not hours any longer.
Of course, we all do it freely and gladly, but I do believe that you, my dear readers, rewarding all of your favorite authors with a short hit of the kudos-button or/and leave a short comment like "Well done, I enjoyed it" isn't too much asked for for all the hours we spent with writing wonderful tales for you.
It oftentimes happened when I left myself a comment under the story of another user that I got this answer: "Great to get a comment of you, I'm a big fan of your stories!"
This answer always made me wonder then, because I had never seen any hint of them being a fan of my stories, they neither bothered to hit the kudos-button, nor to leave a comment. How can I know that they read my stories, let alone were fans without them letting me know about it? Hits are anonymous. All of those users who write and post stories here should actually know how important and exciting it is to get feedback and return the favor to show the other users that they enjoyed their work, too, but there are a lot who ask for feedback without ever leaving any feedback themselves.
I know about at least one other author who deleted works in progress lately, due to the lack of feedback. This is what happens when you don't "feed" us with your – please never hurtful and harsh, but friendly and constructive criticism – we lose our passion and our joy and will stop writing, because without your support, our hard work is in vain.
Writing stories is exhausting, physically and mentally. It drains you, at least, it drains me, as pleasurable and satisfying writing actually is. Those of you who don't write cannot know that, but all of you who write certainly know what I mean. Our stories are our "babies", we care about them and getting harsh comments or no feedback at all is frustrating and makes us questioning ourselves and what we"re doing. Especially stories that go as deep as my Master And Boys-series or those with serious topics like "A Modern Fairytale" are exhausting and the statements I got to my series from some readers were hurtful and cut rather deep, making me feel dirty somehow.
I really loved writing for you, but I have lost this passion and love due to those happenings, and I need to take a break and make up my mind because of this. Real life isn't easy at the moment, either, and writing was always what kept me upright and made me happy until lately. Now, it doesn't any longer.
I also realized that I abandoned my Sci Fi stories because I wrote so much for this fandom during the last months, and I need to focus on them again for a while, maybe, they will help me finding my joy in writing stories again.
I'm aware that a lot of you might be disappointed and angry with me now, and that I surely will lose readers because of my rather blunt words, but maybe, my open letter will make you think about what I told you and cause you to leave more feedback in the future and I do hope that my open speech will help other authors, because I know that I am not the only writer being sad about the lack of positive reactions from their readers.
Please, bear in mind that every press of the kudos-button and every comment, as short as it might be, means more to us than you can imagine, because it shows us that you like and honor what we did for you while we spent hours of our sometimes very rare free-time with thinking about stories for you and writing them down. We struggle with our computers, with the internet and with our beloved ones who oftentimes don't understand why we do this for other people we don't know and every visible reward makes us and keeps us going.
I thought about deleting my works or even my whole account and stop writing at all, but I met a few wonderful friends here who always supported me right from my first short story I posted here on, and they asked me to think about it and only take a break before deciding what I will do, so I decided to stop for some time and just take a break for now.
Last but not least I want to say thank you to my dear friends who always supported me and were always there when I doubted myself and needed support and comfort, especially my wonderful beta Dulinneth who even started to read my football stories even though she knows nothing about football, at all and my dear friend GoForGoals who gave my beloved Wraith a try, just because they were stories I had written.
Dear Dulinneth, dear funfan, dear GoForGoals and dear sjst, thank you for always being there for me, finding the right words to comfort me and supporting me in every way, no matter what I "threw" at you. Thank you for giving each of my stories a try, no matter about which topic it was. You are very close to my heart and without you and your understanding, I wouldn't have made it through all of my doubts and struggles.
I also want to say thank you to all of you who understand me and will wait for me without bearing a grudge against me and who will still be there and supporting my stories if I'll find my passion for writing football stories and come back to this fandom again.
Thank you for reading this letter to the end and hopefully understanding me at least a little bit,
yours
Blue_Night
