Dear Drunk Driving Episode of Saved by the Bell,
You made me grow up faster than I was ready to. You threw morality in my face without simple consequences and taught me to dismiss all ethical dilemmas unless they involved alcohol and showed me that even a man as untouchable and unaffected by lying, stealing, and a splash of date rape as Zack Morris was still just a mortal man – and you did all this as a "Tori episode."
I forgive your haphazard attitude toward Screech's feelings and responsibility with the group, letting them drive home drunk while he was sober, and even your racist attitude toward Lisa finally winning homecoming queen and stripping the crown from her within minutes, but all at the dark, mysterious hand of Tori? Have you no shame or empathy?
Let us step back for a second and look at what you've done: one of the students that doesn't matter decides to have a party but is lost for a theme; Tori suggests a toga party and somewhere along the lines beer is purchased — now the gang shows to the party and although reluctant, Zack, A.C., and Lisa all enjoy some beer.
All the while Screech forces water onto everyone and remains sober and alienated; Tori, growing more uncomfortable at her monstrous creation and reflecting on what else she can do to finally gain acceptance within the group, sits under the crushing weight of one of Zack's drunken prey and her own humility.
In an explosive attempt to save face, Tori jumps from the couch and leaves her friends behind. As the rest of the gang attempts to drive home safely, they get into an accident – the one they call upon as savior? Tori. Ah, so her deceptive plan emerges into the light: set them up for failure, play coy, then act as their saving grace all the while remaining not hung over, over taking her classmates in grade point average, and possibly stealing the crown off Lisa's (and thus equality's) head. She threw her friends under the bus which is probably the exact same thing which drove her from her previous schools.
Well, episode, that brings us to the point: in an attempt to deify Tori and make pre-high school students everywhere feel the consequences of the nihilistic moral code of Bayside, you turned us into a generation of veterans without a war. Now as we roam from sitcom to sitcom, desensitized and unfeeling, we hope to find those lost childhood years. Thanks for ruining everything.
With gentle regards,
Andy D. Wright
