To a cheating husband,
I'm not blind to the fact that a partner cheating is something that can happen to anyone. But when I found those text messages and found you had been unfaithful for almost four months, I found it a bitter pill to swallow.
Of course I had some suspicions that you were deceiving me and I began to see your behaviour and feelings to change. As a remedy to this I attempted to make much more effort to make you happy and I felt as though this would get things back on track. I find it so difficult to understand how having an affair for an extended period of time is an easier thing to achieve than it is to talk to the woman you married about your feelings.
My feeling that something wasn't right was confirmed when I looked for reassurance by going through your phone. I am not and have never wanted to be the prying type but when something is such a big part of your life and future it is totally understandable to do so.
It's funny how having the confirmation of your suspicions (however sure of them you already are) can really knock you for six. The realisation that "my god! this is actually happening to me" is something that I couldn't prepare myself for. You go through such emotions in that space of time, all of the ones you might expect; anger, hate, sadness, fear...a roller coaster.
The thing that made it so bad is the fact we have a 4-year-old child together. I had always hoped I'd be in a marriage that would be stable enough that any children I had would never have to go through kind of parental split and it looks like he is well on his way to experiencing that first hand! If only you hadn't been so selfish and had been at home with your family instead of spending so much time out by yourself.
Yet when I did gather the nerve to talk to you about your affair you were still arrogant enough to claim it was only a "one-off" fling that didn't mean anything, as if that would allow me to forgive and forget. Even a momentary lapse is enough to undo years of trust and love - you betrayed me and have changed the feature of your son's life.
The more thought you put into affairs, the more it hurts. All that extra income that could be saved or spent together or on our son is going to some stranger who you'll barely know. You see the thing I never understand about affairs is that yes it might be fun and exciting, but you don't really know that person, you only see their best 'dating' side. When you date someone you don't truly know that person, it's only until you spend a good period of consistent time with them. I'm talking living with them for months and spending every minute with them, then seeing how well you get on.
Fortunately I am in a position where I don't have to live through the hell of staying in an unfaithful relationship. I have good friends and family who are willing to support me through this.
I want you to know that for the sake of a bit more excitement with a stranger, you have sacrificed your marriage and your relationship with your child. You have not only changed your future but ours, something I hope will only be for the better.
Your soon to be ex-wife
