Dear Breastfeeding Mom,
Congratulations on committing to breastfeeding your baby! I say that with sincerity. There are incredible health benefits for you and your baby from breastfeeding. All mothers should do it for a while if they can. Unfortunately, not all mothers are able to breastfeed.
Some of us weren't as lucky as you were with our breastfeeding experience. Between thrush, complex medical issues, medications and latch issues, some of us didn't get to breastfeed like we had planned. Truthfully, the mothers that can't breastfeed for one reason or another often beat themselves up because they feel like a failure. The pressure from society and all the crunchy moms out there has made formula-feeding parents feel as if they are inadequate. We feel downright depressed when we hear stories about the mom who has breast milk that flows like a water faucet.
Social media is full of guilt-filled articles and postings. It's enough to make a mother who couldn't breastfeed feel like the laziest, most selfish human being alive.
We have celebrity breastfeeding photos going viral, and the pictures are filled with comments about how "breast is best."
So the parent who had to use formula suddenly doesn't want the best for their child? Seriously? There are forums full of parents who swear their children's grades stem from being breastfed until they were 5 years old. Many studies show that the reason breastfeeding adds an extra IQ point or two is because parents are more likely to read to their children and develop a stronger bond while they breastfeed. In other words, it may not actually be the breast milk itself that adds an extra IQ points, but rather the likelihood of the parent to engage the child because they are frequently in such close proximity. A bottle-fed child will eventually just feed themselves, thus they aren't stationary to be read to or talked with as easily.
Bottle feeding parents are just as good! As long as they're making time to read to their children, monitor their nutrition and engage them in conversation, bottle fed children will come out just fine. My son is 3 years old, but academically he is on a kindergarten-1st grade level. He also rarely gets sick. My son was supplemented with formula from Day 1 due to some health problems. Did you know that some studies show that between 60-80% of intelligence stems from genetics? That means that the majority of a child's potential is already predetermined before they come out of the womb.
By no means am I suggesting that you should stop breastfeeding just because the benefits can sometimes be overstated. In fact, I'm extremely proud of you for doing what I was unable to do. Just understand that some of us feel deep guilt for our shortcomings and inability to function like a human water hose. Your comments about "breast is best" really pains us to read because we love our children just as much as you do.
So next time you run across a celebrity photo praising breastfeeding mothers for doing what is best for their child, think about the poor formula feeding mother reading all the crunchy comments. I encourage you to say something kind to let her know she is a great mother too.
No matter how we feed our children, it's the love we give them that shapes them the most.
Sincerely,
Bottle Feeding Mom
