To the boy who gave me my firsts,
You were my first REAL boyfriend. I was your first REAL girlfriend. When I first met you, I had no idea that you would change me forever. You were the first boy to ever really take me out on a date. The first boy to open doors for me. The first boy to kiss my forehead and tell me everything was going to be okay. The first boy to give me flowers. The first boy that I knew who truly loved me. But one day, you decided to end all of those firsts.
You were my best friend. I told you all of my goals, worries, and hopes for the future. Hell, you even became a plan for my future. I confided in you. I told you things about myself I've never told anyone. I was madly in love with you so I thought "maybe it's okay to open up". But then I became so vulnerable to one person.
Family was something so important to you. But I never got to meet not one person in your family. You met my mother, brother, step father, and people that have been another family to me. That's something no boy I have ever been interested got to experience.
I thought it wasn't fair. You meet all the people that mean the most to me and I have not once got to even meet your mom. I was done. I broke up with you. Two weeks go by and not one text is exchanged. But I was bound to see you again. You worked with my best friend. I should've known you were going to be there. I thought I was going to be okay. But then I saw you... My heart dropped when you walked past me to leave. I gave in and called you. I poured my soul out to you. I told you how much it hurt for me to pretend like you meant nothing to me. You promised that we wouldn't have to go through that pain ever again.
But the euphoria didn't last long. The night you called and broke up with me for good, would be the night that the girl I used to be died. You told me that you had to get your priorities straight and that I was no longer one of them...
Have you ever been so hurt that it feels like your heart dropped and you just can't breathe? I've only felt like that twice ever in my life. The first when my dad walked out on us when I was 9 years old. The second was when the love of my life told me I wasn't a priority.
The next two months I spent getting high, drinking, having sex, and craving affection. I could never be alone. I always felt like I needed company so I could be happy. I was ruined. But then I realized the months I spent with you were the best of my life so far. I was so tired of resenting you. Why hate you when I could be thankful? Thankful for how you gave me so many memories I will forever cherish. Thankful for proving to me that I could be loved, even though our love didn't last. Thankful for showing me I can be happy without the affection of others.
We may not speak to each other, but I hope only good things happen for you. I hope you become an Airman just like how you always wished. I hope you find a great love. I hope you live a happy life.
"I love you forever and always. To the moon and back. Through heaven and hell. God as my witness..."