To the boy who broke my heart,
I wish I could say I don’t miss you. These last seven months have been torturous as I’ve opened and reopened the wounds of our disastrous breakup. Every time I thought I was over you, I checked your social media and remembered that you were doing just fine without me. I’d mistakenly stumble across our prom pictures from your senior year and smile as memories of us dancing for the first time crept into my mind, only to find myself holding my breath because I knew it was only a memory. Oh, how I desperately miss you.
It’s been said that love is blind, and I never understood that saying until I met you. I only saw the good in you, the things that made me fall for you at a drastic rate, rather than the red flags and warning signs. I looked passed your selfishness and temper tantrums because deep down, you were struggling, and I knew that. I knew your parents were hard on you and the standards you had to uphold were sometimes unreasonable, but I knew you tried your hardest.
Your dreams were more important than me, and I told you to follow them. Never once did I tell you to stay with me. They say if you love someone, you should let them go. I stood by your side while you lived out your dreams because my love for you ran deeper than my love for myself. While you were away, I spent nearly six months of sleepless nights crying and praying that you would just come home, and when you did, things suddenly felt off. I didn’t see the change in you like my family and friends did. I didn’t see the selfishness surfacing in you.
I never expected for you to dance with me at my senior prom, whisper in my ear, “I love you,” and to say two days later, “It’s over.” I never expected for your family, who told me I was “family,” to block me on all forms of social media. I never expected to have nightmares for months because you haunted my sleep. I never expected to avoid your grandparents when they came to the diner I worked at because I was afraid you told them horrible things about me and they wouldn’t like me anymore.
I realize now, that this wasn’t love. We may have loved each other, but what we had, was not love. We only sought what we could get out of each other. I still love you, and it breaks my heart to say that after everything that happened. However, after these seven painful months and the mistakes I’ve made since our breakup, I am finally beginning to realize my worth and it’s more than what you gave me.
Worth More Than Gold