I know I've said I'm sorry more times than you probably care to hear, but no amount of ' I'm sorry 's can really justify just how sorry I am. There is not enough ways to tell you how sorry I am. To tell you how much I regret the way I acted. It was never my intention to ever hurt you.
In no way am I trying or will I ever try to justify the way I treated you. My past relationships had a serious impact on ours. More so than I realized. My perception of relationships had been distorted since I was just barely eighteen and I unfortunately didn’t realize that until I let the best thing in my life go. In those past relationships it was always clear to me that they never cared about me as much as I had cared about them. In my mind this meant they had the upper hand. That they could destroy me whenever they deemed fit. And that is exactly what they did. So when you came along, and for the firs time ever, someone actually cared about me as much as I cared about them, I got scared. I thought it must have been too good to be true.
I had had my eye on you for five years. To me, you were completely unattainable. I could tell you were exactly what I’d always wanted in someone. You had this way about you that would always draw me closer when our paths crossed. But I never imagined that anything would come out of it. It was always just a dream to me, some kind of fairy tale wish. Never did I think you would feel the same way. You more than likely won't believe me when I say that you are the best thing that ever happened to me, and I completely understand why that would be a hard thing to believe. I didn't do a great job at showing it. I felt like this was my chance to have the upper hand in a relationship for once. I was so afraid that you were going to be just like the others. Afraid that you were going to hurt me. I didn’t want you to know how much I actually needed you, when in reality you completed me. You tried your hardest to keep be grounded, to keep me in line. Always putting me first. But I ended up hurting you instead. I did things I am not proud of. Things I have never regretted more in my life.
To you it may seem like I'm just saying this because you’ve moved on, and if im being honest that does play a part in it. As much as it hurts to see the person you love falling in love with someone else, I think it hurts just as much to see someone else falling in love with the person you love. Loving them they way you know you should have. The way you know you could. And they way you know you did, even if you did an awful job at showing it. Saying that I'm only feeling this way because I see you happy with someone else would be untrue though. I never didn’t love you. I never didn’t care about you. I had slowly been owning up to the errors in ways and that was just the final push. The major wake up call. I guess I've never really been good at timing though.
I know I completely destroyed your trust in me, and I really don’t deserve it back. But I'm going to work everyday to show you that you can put your trust in me again. To show you that the love I have for you is pure, genuine and true. To show you that hopefully, one day when we meet again that I will be worth another chance. That I can and will love you the way I should.
Until our paths cross again.