Dear Ben,
I understand that all of the events on The Bachelor took place in the past, but as someone who’s currently watching the show, let me just address something. First of all, you’re undeniably attractive, and very well spoken. Second of all, I understand that you did not create The Bachelor; you’re simply a contestant. Yet, I still cannot help but be offended by not only the show, but your behavior as well. Now, let me just preface this by saying that I have never watched this program before this season. However, your debut was all over social media. Everyone was talking about the fabulous Ben Higgins and, well; my curiosity got the best of me.
In the first episode you seemed humble, albeit a little overwhelmed, as you told the previous bachelors that you did not feel entirely comfortable with the concept of dating so many women at once. You later remarked that you felt as though these women were out of your league. But please, don’t feign ignorance. You knew what you were getting into the moment that you agreed to be on the show. A show that, by the way, manipulates exploits women’s emotions and then disguises this exploitation as an attempt to find love. But hey, that’s not your fault. In fact, even if I just suspended the other issues that I have with this show (like the fact that you have an entire harem of women that you can pick and choose from as you please), my main issue is this façade, or persona, that you’ve created.
Let’s not act like your intentions are innocent here, okay? Just trying to find your future wife? Please! Maybe more romantically inclined, impressionable women would buy that, but not me. I mean, really. You’re a very smart, very attractive man. Am I really supposed to believe that you were so incapable of finding romance that you had no choice but to agree to this show? Like it was your final, desperate attempt at finding true love? Your last hope? EER, WRONG! First of all, let’s look at the success rate of this show… it’s not very high. The Bachelor has been running for what, 19 seasons? Yet only TWO OF THOSE COUPLES ARE STILL TOGETHER! And that’s including Jason Mesnick and Molly Malaney (who was not even the “winner” of Jason’s season). Yes, I’ve done my research. So now, you tell me, does this show really seem like a viable option? Just sign up for Match.com or something, you’d probably have better luck there.
Now, other than the whole “whoa-is-me” act that you have going on (saying that you feel unlovable, etc.), you have built yourself into some kind of ideal man. Well, maybe the editors did that. But my point remains. You sit up there, on your lofty high horse, and watch these poor women fight over you. Women who have put their jobs, their families, and their lives on hold… all for you! And then you have the audacity to complain when they get a little competitive, or edgy, or insecure. I mean, Jesus, if you were truly trying to find your future wife would you really need to date over twenty women at the same time to do it? Would you really want your future wife to feel as bad about herself as you've made some of the women feel on the show? (Like Olivia having a panic attack after the talent show, or L.B. saying that she couldn't keep comparing herself to other women and ultimately leaving the show.) Not that I have anything against polyandrous relationships, they’re not a bad thing if all involved parties are okay with it. But these women are not okay with it (and it's evident in their reactions when they see you give attention to other girls). They gave up so much just to go out and meet you, only to have to watch you date and develop feelings for other women right in front of their faces! Yet, all the while you get to maintain this “holier than thou" attitude and good guy appearance. And then these women are demonized for trying to get your attention or getting a little competitive, when they’re not the ones doing anything wrong! It’s you who is doing something wrong; you’re leading these women on! Making them each feel special and unique and then kissing another girl five minutes later, or sending them home (after weeks of living with strangers and going on group dates and putting up with all the drama) with nothing more than a two second goodbye. Now, life isn’t fair. I get that. These women came onto the show voluntarily. I get that, too. But do you have to act like you’re so damned perfect all the time? So sweet and sensitive… please. You’re not. No man who was truly sensitive to a woman’s feelings and emotions would put her through what you’ve put these women through. And honestly, no matter what you think, the reason that the relationships cultivated on this show do not last is because they are not genuine. Anyone can be wooed by extravagant dates, but the fact of the matter is that real life is nothing like that. Your relationship started with numerous other women involved and cameras in your face for every waking moment. So what happens when it’s just the two of you, alone? No other women, no cameras in your face, no producers there to help your conversations flow? I’ll tell you what happens… you realize that you have nothing in common except for the fact that you were both on The Bachelor. Then, the relationship deteriorates. But hey, to each their own.
Now, I know that the you didn't come up with the whole premise for the show. But you participated. You made a mockery of women who really cared about you, and their emotions. And then you got to emerge looking like the good guy and they emerged embarrassed and heart broken.
Tsk, Tsk, Ben Higgins.
