Dear AP Stylebook:
I just want to start by saying that I love you — I need you in my life. You are one of the few guiding lights for me amid a time of much turmoil. This is why I felt compelled to write you this letter.
Please stop adding pointless entries to the stylebook.
I don’t want to disable the e-mail alerts you send me with my online subscription; but I’m afraid that with every message, you’re breaking my heart and leaving me wondering what your true intentions are.
You are relevant, you will always be relevant, so please tell your editors to stop worrying.
You’re better than that, AP.
I remember the good ol’ days when the AP Stylebook would be available every year, and I would spend countless smoke breaks trying to find what you had changed. Then, you added a prologue saving me that valuable time, which I used to talk on my new-fangled cell phone (please resist the urge to follow Webster’s New World, it should stay two).
While we’re on the subject of phones, why is “smart phone” two words? Are you suggesting that there are dumb phones available? This is one of the many imponderables that you have sent to me recently.
And while they aren’t missives per se, copy editors take you very seriously. I fear, however, that your constant want to be in my inbox has diminished your value.
And, yes, I purchased the AP Stylebook app from the iTunes store. No, I didn’t need you to weigh in on whether “app” was acceptable.
See, that’s the thing: language evolves, I know this. But I don’t think your editors realize that being “nimble” makes you more haphazard than you think, despite your recent gushing interview. I also think having a marketing person involved in your decision-making leaves you more a shill than you want to be.
You’re better than that, AP.
Freed of the cost of printing, there is nothing to stop people from reacting to every possible situation with a policy. This is why I steer clear of any newspaper’s comments boards.
And that’s not your style. It’s not the AP Stylebook I know.
While you’re trying to stay relevant, you’re needlessly filling my mind with information that is easily obtained elsewhere.
For example, you told me that the United Farm Workers are headquartered in Keene, Calif. While I may be a rarity — seeing as I grew up less than 10 miles away in Hart Flat and even worked with their current communications director in Bakersfield, my first newspaper job — anyone could have found it on the UFW’s Web site. And, why didn’t you let me know that it was OK to use “UFW” on second reference?
You’re better than that, AP.
Also, why did you pester me with a load of cheese-related entries? And California roll? And s’more? Was it sample day down the street at Dean & DeLuca? Speaking of which, do you know if it’s “Dean &” or “Dean and”? Oh, and is it DeLuca? Oh, never mind.
You’ve become so ADD. Are you OK?
I ask because I was sitting at my desk, catching up on Romenesko when, ding, I got an e-mail about the “Great Recession.” I thought, “are you kidding?” Are you kidding? Please tell me you’re kidding. Don’t you think it’s too soon to weigh in on this?
The Great Depression, for example, was political propaganda when President Herbert Hoover used it — geez, guess things never change. And he wasn’t even the first to say it. President Monroe (sorry, I’m breaking style again) technically coined it 100 years earlier.
It’s way too soon. This isn’t like 9/11, which I admit was a valuable ruling at the time.
Listen, we all make mistakes. I even found one in 2003 while working in Santa Rosa. At the time, your lone editor messaged me back saying thanks. The next year, it was fixed.
That’s how it’s supposed to be: Deliberate. Purposeful. Slow to evolve.
At least slower than what you’ve been doing these days. Maybe it’s the 5-Hour Energy you found beside the newspapers at the corner kiosk. Hey, would you mind sending a letter to the makers of that terrible energy drink and tell them it’s “five” spelled out?
Maybe it’s because there are three of you now, and wondering what one another did on the weekend isn’t cutting it at the water cooler anymore.
Maybe you fear some other stylebook will take your place. We all remember MySpace. Stop worrying!
Whatever it is, we need the old stylebook back. Like, today.
I know I’m rambling, but all I wanted to say was that I think you’re well-intentioned, which is why I’m so excited that your editors are coming to the ACES conference in April. I know we’ll all talk about all the breathless changes that have been made. Maybe your editors will explain it in a way I can at least live with.
You might even bump into the guys from Fake AP Stylebook. I know they make you laugh, too.
So, think about it, look deep inside yourself and ask your masters, “Are you going overboard?” I think you’ll find a lot of caring editors in Philadelphia ready to help you. Give you a little “staycation” from all those endless mornings your editors feel compelled to add to your list of entries. Did I mention how grating that word is? Thank God, it’s only in Merriam-Webster.
Anyway, all I want to do is help.
Love,
Daniel Hunt
AP Stylebook user since 1995
