If you’re reading this, you’re probably feeling emotionally drained, frustrated, annoyed with yourself or just plain tired. More than likely, you’re even feeling a combination of these things. It may have been a day, a week, a month, or even years since you last spoke to your ex, and yet you cannot shake the feeling they are “the one,” or that you’ve made a huge mistake. You may have exhausted every last friend who have grown tired of hearing you sigh about how much you miss them, and about how you can’t seem to move on. You may have tried to date someone new – or may even be in a relationship as you read this – and now feel guilty for trying to love them when your heart isn’t fully yours. Well, I am here to tell you it’s okay.
It’s okay that you still dream about them at night. Dreaming is a manifestation of our minds, a subconscious collage of events, fantastic adventures and a life we could see in a best-selling novel. What they are not, however, is reality. Dreams do not show us what is definitely going to happen. They don’t even necessarily show us what we want to happen. How often do we have a nightmare about a loved one passing away? Or a wonderful dream about becoming a billionaire overnight? The truth is, while we may see these things in our sleeping minds, they mean little more than our fortune cookies (sorry if you happen to write them for a living). We cannot control them, and seeing an ex in a dream does not always mean you’re desperate to get them back. It just means they were in your life at some point, and your brain recalls their image. The truth is, a dream is just a dream.
It’s okay that you still look at their pictures from time to time. Pictures remind us of memories, adventures, firsts, and lasts. They allow us to reminisce about periods of time during which we felt alive. Whether the memory attached is happy or sad, it is an emotion- it makes us feel. Looking at pictures just allows us to feel again, and that is a very human, very basic need. So as long as you can still function in your life, looking at a picture from time to time is okay. Don’t beat yourself up over it.
It’s okay that you still listen to “your song,” try on their sweater, or wear the jewelry they got you. Just like pictures, they are memorabilia of happy times.
It’s okay that you miss them. Time is a funny thing. It just keeps going, paying absolutely no regard to the well-being of its constituents. It doesn’t care how long it has been since you’ve spoken, or how much you wish you could go back and change something. Time will not stop. The good news, is that memories never end, either. I know, I know. This seems like a bad thing, because you just want to get over it already. You just want to be normal. But see, that’s just it- you are normal. Missing someone means you miss the times you spent together. You miss the way they smiled at you, the way they made you laugh, the way their hair smelled, the way their hands felt in yours, the funny snort they’d make when they were laughing too hard, and how safe you felt in their arms. You miss the way they looked at you like you were the most incredible person in the world. You miss believing them. You miss feeling like you were a part of something more than just you, because it was a relationship drawn from Heaven- soul mates, if you will. You miss the connection you felt, like no one could ever understand you the way they did. Time keeps marching on, but memories never fade. Missing them does not make you weak, it makes you human.
I am not writing this to tell you not to live your life. I am not writing this to tell you it is going to get easier any time soon. I am not telling you to keep hoping things will work out; the truth is, they might not come back into your life.
What I am trying to say is that it’s okay to feel the way you feel for as long as you need to. Don’t force yourself to “move on” if your heart doesn’t want to. Don’t listen to the people who tell you you’re crazy for still being hung up on them. We cannot control the way our hearts feel, but we can change the way we look at it.
Because in the end, we are the lucky ones. We got to feel alive.
Sincerely,
A friend
