Last year, I was thrown into the volcano of $hame by the mainstream media. I caught a glimpse of what goes on behind the curtain as the media markets our flaws directly to us.
Like many women, I’ve had my share of body/age issues without ever considering how these thoughts originated. I knew the media played a part in shaping negative self-talk, but never understood how calculated it was, until I was personally sucked into the machine. I got a front row seat and a backstage pass to one of America’s biggest exports: the big business of $hame.
On June 9th, 2014, an article went viral about me in the New York Post,, worldwide: “Singer Sued for Being Too Old and Too Ugly for P!NK Tribute Band”. Underneath the shocking headline was a photo of me that looked straight out of a Britney-on-a-bad- day- supermarket tabloid. The photo barely resembled me and had appeared altered, to fit the click-bait headline. To be fair, the Plaintiff in the case (a personal injury lawyer whom I have never met) did call me unattractive in a legal document. His opinion of my looks was a small (but important) detail in a 112 page complaint that was filed against me and two other band members. Instead of reporting this aspect as a detail, the Post decided to make it the center of their reporting and give the impression that it was my alleged bad looks and singing that inspired the $10,000,000 lawsuit. My age was not an issue at all, but the Post decided to make it one.
A staff photographer named Byron was sent to me by the paper to get a recent photograph. Byron seemed a touch desensitized to his line of work, often shooting murder scenes for a paycheck. Once I saw myself in the paper, I knew why he wouldn’t let me see any of the photos he took. It was clear he was instructed to take the worst photo of me possible. Yes, writers, editors, and a photographer professionally collaborated to sell me to the public as an alleged “old and ugly” woman.
In reality, the 112 page lawsuit was between two men, a former lawyer and client that I was dragged into. I have never met the Plaintiff to this day. I have been in litigation since April 24, 2014 and have accrued over $11,000 in legal fees for singing in a show that I was paid $75 for.
This is clearly a serious political story, yet the NY Post decided to make it about my looks. Why?
Berating a woman for her looks has proven to be a slam dunk in the media, fueling countless industries that funnel advertising dollars into these publications. Weight loss. Plastic Surgery. Face Cream. These industries rely on repeated messages that we are subjected to countless times a day, often subliminally.
$hame is big business. It runs itself on autopilot. as long as we continue to tolerate and buy into it.
The New York Post knew how to sell the story, even if it stretched the truth. The article went on the newswire and was picked up by Time Magazine, Perez Hilton, Yahoo News, FOX and even “legal” outlets like Findlaw.com. When I contacted several media outlets to let them know their story was off, I was met with indifference. Perez Hilton was the only media voice brave enough to call the sensationalized version of the story for what it was:outrageous.
In that moment I realized that my insecurities had been carefully marketed to me, for years. I was brainwashed along with the rest of society. Until I wasn’t. June 9th, 2014 was the day I woke up to the fact that most of my “flaws” didn’t actually exist. They were dictated to me.
Our magazines/newspapers/TV’s are constantly telling us we are not thin/young/tall enough. Would we have these thoughts if there wasn’t an omnipresent media drilling it into our heads day after day? The $hame machine relies on a culture of fear of inadequacy to thrive. We spend our hard-earned money on buying into products we may not even need, while consuming the very media that tells us we are flawed and need fixing. I was marketed to you by the MSM as an old and ugly woman, to keep the machine alive.
So what can we do about it?
I share my story of the backstage pass I never asked for, in hopes to inspire others to stop buying into it. I share it in hopes we find strength to collectively change the channel in our heads. I ask with every negative thought we may have about ourselves, we take the time to ask “where is this thought coming from? Is this really how I feel, or was this marketed to me?” I ask that we collectively learn to identify when $hame is being marketed to us.
We have the power and the financial ability to radically change the dialogue. No woman should ever go through what I did last year. By challenging the culture of $hame now, we open up the possibility for future generations to be free of the shackles.
To the New York Post, I say this: “Not old. Not ugly. Not even close”. It is time to stop feeding and start raging against the $hame machine.
