I think I'll start my open letter here, lying in my bed with a fractured ankle.
Seemingly endless TV series and movies can't seem to fill the void which life once filled. As you can imagine, life is now taking a complete standstill whilst the healing takes place (12-20 weeks) and some minor physiotherapy so my leg does not become thinner and less able than the other.
At this stage, (less than two weeks into my lengthy healing stretch) thoughts, emotions and memories plague my mind. Some moments are optimistic and bright, filled with hope for the future. Others are quite dark, filled with gloom and questions such as "will this ever end", "will I ever be the same again" etc going around my head.
Most conversations I have are injected with comments such as "stay positive" and "you'll be back to yourself in no time, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger", but the most daunting feelings cannot be overcome with one line positivity quotes.
Am I selfish or seem like I'm wallowing in self pity if I say to the world; my life has stopped dead in its tracks, almost 4 months of my life I cannot get back and I'm not okay with that??
I feel like i am currently living in the winter of endlessness cited in this quote:
"Once in the midst of a seemingly endless winter, I discovered within myself an invincible summer." — Albert Camus
My perfectly imperfect mind is making the "take everyday as it comes" motto harder and harder to abide by.
As one part of me clings to hope and aspirations the other has already given up. I hope this read brings comfort to anyone else whose mind is a constant battlefield of emotions, logic and erratic thinking.
Perfectly imperfect, yours truly
Craigy
