Dear Reader,
When I was your age, I wasn't very open to advice. Perhaps you'll be the same but it can't hurt to offer you some lessons I've learned.
Don't expect work to be fun. Today, the message is "Do what you love. Follow your passion." Fact is that even if you could get a "fun" job, most of it isn't fun.
The most likely route to career contentment is to find work that isn't too hard or too easy, that's ethical, with a good boss, a decent commute, and that pays decently. Then work diligently at it so you're good at it. Please remember that your heartbeats are more valuably spent when being productive. I've written about this in TIME (link is external).
There's no one right approach to relationships. How close to be with your friends, family, and romantic partners depends on who they are and on your preferences.
For example, an adult who needs a lot of support and has great parents, should probably be close with them. In contrast, someone who's very self-contained and work-centric, with parents who don't bring out the best in him is wise to be more distant.
A person with a strong need for romantic love should try to find Mr/Ms Right while someone else might choose a largely solitary life, per The Recluse Option.
Many people in their 20s and 30s, seeing their peers having children are tempted to join the club. The reality is mixed. Some people believe their kids are the best part of their lives. Others quietly think they would have been wiser not to have children--It is a decades-long loss of freedom, it can be very stressful, and is financially very costly. One size does not fit all. Do what you and your partner think is right, which may or may not require following the crowd.
In a previous PsychologyToday.com article, I've written pros and cons of marrying and having kids.
Take care of your health. Our health care system is already overtaxed and will only become moreso. Never has the old adage been more apt: "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure."
Despite medical progress, the best advice still is to keep your weight and stress in the normal range, don't smoke (Yes, that includes pot, which is more dangerous than the media would have us believe (link is external)), drink modestly if at all, get moderate daily exercise: Extreme exercise may turn out to be bad for you (link is external), Sitting a long time isn't healthy (link is external). So take a few-minute walking break every hour. If you have a condition such as diabetes or hypertension, control it.
"Processing" may make you feel worse. Of course, sometimes, talking out a problem can help you develop a solution. But if it's not improveable, "processing it" may make matters worse: It strengthens the memory neurons associated with the problem without improving the situation. The result is more malaise than had you simply distracted yourself from thinking about it by doing a constructive task.
Materialism comes at a high cost. Many people do work they don't like so they can afford nicer digs, a fancier car, more expensive clothes, restaurants, and vacations. Rarely does the added pleasure of such purchases justify spending the best hours of your day, best years of your life on a job you'd otherwise trade for one you'd enjoy more and would make a bigger difference.
Beyond a modest income, it's usually wise to choose a career you'd find more rewarding over one that's more remunerative. To make that point, I've written an article taking the extreme, seemingly absurd position that it may be possible to live better on $20,000 a year than do most millionaires.
Have perspective. We often fight about or get upset about things we'd be wise to let go. Each time, you feel upset, ask yourself how much, if any, effort you should put into addressing it?
Be just. Some people deserve your kindness. Others will take advantage of it and maybe even become less efficacious as a result. If you have a friend, relative, or cause that asks for much of your time, energy, and perhaps money, ask yourself whether that really is the best use of those resources. Allocate your resources iin the way that is most just and will do the most good.
Sincerely,
Marty Nemko
