PART A - ND's OPEN LETTER to MC Members
Dear MC Members,
Peace be with you.
Firstly, I would like to apologize to have to bother any of you with this. Secondly, I would like to ask for your help. Since July, 2021, I have put in 7 effortful attempts in trying to get my membership released from Maranatha and have been stonewalled by a couple of pastors regarding this at every turn. The reason I stood up to addressed the church people (as a last resort) at the 4/3/22 service is because I am left with no other option to get my request, or my side of the situation, heard in this church. And now I am исключена? For those who are willing to hear me out and help me, I will describe to you the circumstances around this all. All names are initialed to avoid doxxing anyone. The full name key is in my text message. The purpose for this letter is twofold:
- To petition you individually to not accept my исключение, but after hearing me out and considering my situation, tell me if you agree that my membership at Maranatha should be released in peace. If you DO release me, personally, then would you please reply to my text with, “Yes, I release her,“ and your name. So that I may add your name to the list that do release me. If you do not release me, and feel that I deserve such treatment, then please tell me why. If you have relatives that don’t use text messaging, or are not on the phone number list, would you please ask them verbally and add them to your response? Any name that I will not receive an opinion from, will be marked as a soft no.
- To defend myself against falsehoods, accusations and slander being perpetuated against me. And to explain to you the event of 4/3/22, where I was slammed in front of the whole church by VO. Effectively being called a liar and disobedient person, with no opportunity to defend myself.
I feel I have been wronged by the elders of Maranatha. I know I am far from the only one that suffered an injustice at Maranatha, but I am willing to stand up for myself. (Brutal life has taught us that, but also, who else will?) As anyone should when wronged. My hurt was further compounded by being blocked from being able to transfer my church membership to a different church that I want to become a part of. And essentially move on from this. I feel that I am treated undeservingly harsh and strongly opposed by them. I prayed about this a lot, asking for God’s will and discernment in this matter. If what is being done to me truly IS justice, then for God to please reveal that to me and bring my heart to accept it. I will own it and act accordingly. That not hard for me to do, but I remain convinced that what is being done to me is wrong and unacceptable. You all are the last ones here for left for me to turn to, as unprecedented and risky as it may be.
At the root of this situation, I am not even what it’s all about. But a bystander of something I got linked to, that is far more serious than the accusations alleged of me. If it wasn’t so serious, I would never have been a part of it. And if it wasn’t in some way relevant to you, I would not be bringing it to you, either. In order to put all this into its original context for you about what & why was said at me that Sunday, we have to go back in time a bit.
I wanted to move my membership to Grace Slavic church in CDA, but ultimately decided to be a member at Bethlehem. Some of you who were closer to me that Sunday may have heard what I said. I did not have a microphone and am soft spoken in the first place. On April 3rd, I passed up the note above (PHOTO 1) to VO & DC. Again asking to be released from membership, which of course, was ignored again. So I had no choice but to stand up and say it verbally. Firstly, I will lay out the verbatim of that event. Then fill in the blanks around it.
Братья и сестры, у меня есть и нужда и просьба. Я уже шестой раз прошу пожалуйста отпустите меня из членов, с миром. Брат Дима—это отпустили. Я, как член, не согласна с этим. Пожалуйста отпустите меня з членов тоже.
Сестра Нина, я не говорил, но сейчас при всех скажу. Ты находишься а взыскании, и ты ничего не исполняешь что, и какие тебе условие мы поставили. Ты била благословением для нашей церкви, а потом послужила не благословением.
Можно слово сказать?
Нет, не можно. Потому что здесь есть дети и не члени. Если ты исполняла то что мы тебе поставили, мы вопрос твой вопрос решили. А так как ты начала проявлять такое неповиновение, ты находишься на взыскании. И ты ничего не исполняешь с тех условии на которых мы тебе поставили. И ты на таком условии пойдёшь в другую церковь? Куда ты просишься, ты там не посещаешь. Мы уже несколько раз звонили, спрашивали. Ты ходишь в ту церковь?
Да. Я написала на записке.
Нет! А никуда мы не отпустим. Ты должна здесь решить вопрос у церкви, бить послушна, исправиться, и з Богом.
Я прошу как член, пожалуйста заделайте членское чтобы я могла это объяснить. Мне поставили условие, и потом оно было отменено (cancelled)–
Оно не було cancel до сегоднешнего дня.
И последняя причина у вас была почему я не могу уйти, что «братья бояться что я уйду
в мир.» Я не ничего такого не планирую, но просто хочу стать членом у другой церкви. Пожалуйста, простите мне, отпустите меня с миром, или давайте заделаем членское. И я объясню всё всем!
Нет, сестра Нина. Это нам назначать и разбирать. Это наше дело, и как ми рассуждаем. И смотрим за порядком и здравостью церкви.
Я как тоже член, прошу вас членов (my fellow members), сделаем встречу, и я объясню—всё.
Ты нам уже объяснила. Десять листов аж написала. Если нада то ми ещё прочитаем, и тебе стыдно будет… Эли это уже озвучено, я говорил, она находится у нас на взыскании, и условие мы ей поставили. Но, она не исполняет. Хорошо, братья, сёстры…..!
How is it right or fair that those things can be said to all of you, in my direction, and I am given zero opportunities to defend myself? This is the reason I am taking this usual measure, as I was not given any other opportunity at all to get my side of the situation heard and considered by members. All you were allowed to hear were untrue allegations of me. I was also told before, “We can punish you in such a way…quietly…so nobody knows but you will not have freedom, movement and participation in anything here.” I asked, “A, почемy тайком? I feel that I have not done anything bad maliciously. If you feel that I deserve some sanctions, then why does it need to be done quietly? I would like it to be known to my fellow brothers & sisters in Christ, so they too can weigh in on it to see if its right and just.”
Even in a secular, unchristian courthouse a judge respects the basic human right for you to get an opportunity to present your case as well. Whether it’s a bench trial (decided only by the judge), or jury trial (to be heard and judged by a group of your peers), but you still get to choose how your case is heard. I have experienced very little to no interest for my case to be considered by the judges there, but I am forced to unquestioningly accept “sanctions” that I feel are unjust based on one sided input? That brings a few political words to mind I’m not gonna mention… So I’m turning to all of you members, as the jury of the church, if you will, in this matter. To hear me out and decide what the true character of my heart, true motives of my heart and weigh in if I have suffered an injustice here. If I have, I feel like I should be released in mutual peace and forgiveness. I forgive anyone involved, ask for forgiveness as well and just want to move on and forget.
For the past seven years now, I am being horribly mistreated, hurt, and slandered by OS and the recruits that he misled with his triangulation, manipulations, and smear campaigns. Stating that I have purposely meddled in and destroyed his marriage and ruining his family. This is an enormous and heinous LIE. It’s a deeply hurtful, and a stomach-turning betrayal of me, after the wonderful history and coexistence this family & I mutually enjoyed for many years. He is trying to make me look like I’m the kind of a person who goes around and harms people as a hobby, which is the farthest thing from the reality of this situation. Why would OS be doing this? Simply because I stepped up and defended my sister, VS, who is suffering increasingly worsening covert narcissistic abuse at the hands of OS. Please know, I am releasing this letter with VS’s full knowledge and permission—that is how much she is hurting—at this point! And OS? No abuser will give you permission to expose his secret dark ways.
What actually transpired was this: about 7 years ago, when I still lived with them, I had the heart-wrenching displeasure of overhearing some disturbing verbal barrages he rained on her, when they both thought I wasn’t home. One day I was in my room, completely minding my own business and overheard some heartbreaking things he was yelling to her. The things that he said to her (while she was pleading for his help with the household and the kids) were not only inappropriate & unacceptable for a deacon to ever say but appalling even for an unchristian to say! For a long time, months & months after this, I have kept it strictly to myself (not even telling my VS what I know) but for months I silently prayed and cried about them in my room. Eventually, there came a time when OS learned that I saw his second face and sharply became very cruel towards me.
I don’t know if I felt more hurt, disoriented, or confused about how & why he so suddenly he turned from cordial, soft and warm towards me to ice cold, harsh and brutal. And abruptly wanted zero contact between me and his entire family, including my own sister. I have lived with this family for 13 years (off/on) and served his family wholeheartedly for even longer than that. At times, I helped OS even more than I helped my sister, and this is how its being returned to me, by him. The moment I defended her, I went from a wonderful friend, a blessing to the family, part of his family, and even like a daughter to him. To a stranger, a nobody and even an enemy, in breakneck speed. A departure from the brother-in-law I knew, adored and respected. It took a while for me to believe what my own ears were hearing firsthand, and come to terms with it. He broke my heart separately from the heartache I was feeling for VS. I come from a broken family, so all the wonderful things he has said about being a big part of his family was like balm to my heart. And then he crash-landed into the ground unexpectedly. I let myself believe him, and how nice it was to feel somewhat part of a wholesome family again. Then to be brutally chopped off, thrown away and left in the cold to mourn the loss. Oh, the tears….! I wish I never believed him.
When he realized I had seen and heard him when his charming and superficial masks slipped, there was no need to put up/keep up false appearances with me anymore. I became a secondary target to him and have never seen the previously nice, “angelic” OS again. To me, but especially towards VS. One thing that particularly stands out in my memory was a time when their oldest son was treating his mom unbelievably cruelly and disrespectfully. She came crying and deeply hurt to her husband asking for help and to defend her. His reaction? He looked her up and down from head to toe and yelled, “Go look at yourself in the mirror, what an emotional mess you are! Go clean yourself up, then come approach me.” She walked away crying even harder and more shattered, begging God to take her away. And it wasn’t even the first time I have heard, then seen her praying for either relief or death. I can deeply sense a terrible tragedy looming over the family…..and only I heard it with own ears that she was viewing death as a welcome escape did I step up to defend her her against his mental abuse/emotional cruelty. Especially being that she gave him ten kids! And when I did so, that was it! He was done with me. He threw me out of the house so harshly and in view of all the kids that, that even one of the teen boys told his dad, “This is so messed up! This is not how you treat family…it’s not N.’s fault!” From then on, he treated me like a piece of something stuck to his shoe, that he couldn’t ger rid of fast enough. I’m sure indeed that it may not be very comfortable anymore to look at the person who knows and seen quite a bit more about him than anybody else.
However, my confusion about this drastic behavior change towards me was cured when I realized what the reason behind it very likely may be. I learned that my sister was doing research on narcissism and reacting to it as such: “it is like they are talking about me specifically! How do they know?” I joined her in it and one day brough her these books (PHOTO 2) and set them on her countertop are. At that moment, VS was not there, in her room somewhere, so I waited for her to come out. After waiting for a bit, I walked away from the books for a few minutes. When I came back, the books were gone. Vs was still in her room, so she did not see or take them. When I asked aloud where the books are, OS said he doesn’t know. One of the kids said, “Dad was looking at them…” But OS still acted like he didn’t. VS came into the kitchen, and I told her about the books I brought her, but they disappeared. She asked everyone where they were, and OS said he didn’t know anything about any books. VS read his face and said something like, “Its ok, I’ll buy them back for N.” That’s when he told her where to find the books. What curiously stood out to her was OS’s nervousness about her learning about the subject. Because the more you know, the more you will pretty accurately understand about 50% of what she’s going through.
Once a narcissist has no more use for you, or realized that you are onto them and can no longer be used, you become a disposable item to be discarded. Which is the last phase of the narcissistic abuse cycle. First they love-bomb/idealize their target(s) to rope them in, then devalue them, and then finally discard then when they’ve outlived their usefulness. So, in both VS & my past experiences with OS, can you spot where each phase of the cycle is? I guess what I am is what the literature on the subject calls a super-empath. Please understand this correctly, I am not saying this positively or proudly. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t because it’s a very difficult and often painful way to be. You absorb and feel the energy in circumstances of those around you very intensely. As if it was your own! Whether its joy or pain. And I was pretty much crushed under the situation. But I tell you the truth, hand to God, that all my life I specifically try keep to myself and not to get intentionally involved in other people’s sensitive and difficult situations for this exact reason. Unless I am asked into a situation or its unavoidable. I can get so gripped with an overwhelming compassion for another person’s hardships that I don’t even notice how or when I have put myself aside. And that is not always a good thing…being too sacrificial for your own good… I am probably the living, walking verse of, “laugh when others are laughing, cry when others are crying.”
You all know, I worked pretty hard for NG, at the request of VO & DC. I took on her difficult case, her difficult personality and sometimes rude treatment of me for one reason: to keep a young mom of children that need her alive! For minimum wage. Money if far less important than someone’s cancer recovery, of course, but I had to turn down far better paying opportunities so that I can do this for NG and the pastors. At the same time (and since) I have been helping & consulting two more young mothers with the therapy on the side, free of charge. The point is: I am breaking myself in half for strangers, to help save the lives of other young mothers and better the lives of other families I don’t even know, but here I am trying to destroy my own dear sister’s family?? Dear brothers & sisters……to who of you does that even make sense? My actions and motives in “another person’s business” was on full display to all of you in my involvement in NG’s situation. You all heard/read messages in Viber by the pastors that this is God’s answer and you followed NG’s positive progress (until NG stopped following doctor’s orders). On 4/3/2022, you also heard VO saying that I was a blessing to the church. And then what, out of nowhere I flipped my lid and suddenly became a destroyer of good things, causing harm to people? Absolutely not, as God is my witness! Out of this same place in my heart and compassion I care about the life of my sister.
Some years prior to moving to Vancouver, still going to choir with OS and his eldest daughters, a very sad and disappointing situation happened to AS. Someone pinned AS in a corner (right there in church) and snapped in her face, “What are you doing trying to play the piano for the choir. It is our place, our business, not yours! Don’t shove yourself into someone else’s business.” She tried to get AS to completely relinquish playing for the choir when the other two conductors were putting a lot of pressure and requests on her to play more. After that, I remember AS was in tears, walking around mortified and dazed for quite a while. When her parents found that out, they were upset. I clearly remember OS telling me, “Why don’t you stand up for my girls to those who bully them?” Now, that would probably be viewed as me meddling and worsening a situation that wasn’t my own, would it not? Yet, OS had no issue involving me in someone else business. Why? Could it be because confronting his daughter’s bully may lose him a few social brownie points within the church….? Its more comfortable to push N. into the fire, right? I reminded him that day I always have stood up for his girls. And ironically, that is exactly what I am doing still. Except this time, the girl happens to be his wife and the bully is he, himself. I am perplexed at AS’s lack of compassion for VS after enduring the same thing that OS does to VS. Traps her in a corner and rains a barrage of verbal insults and emotional abuse on her. And this is a similar push & pull kind of a situation I am in as well, in regards to my involvement in the OS/VS situation. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.
As many of you know, I am a shy, quiet, keep to myself kind of person (if not a bit socially awkward). An introvert. For me, purposely going too far out of my shell, getting involved into other people’s intense, sensitive & private problems (especially in-person) goes against every fiber of my being. Exhausts me, and fairly quickly sends me back to my quiet & peaceful slice of paradise for an introvert’s battery recharge. Malicious meddling is simply not who I am. The fact that I keep getting pummeled by this situation means it is not fully by a choice of my own. And this is also consistent with the main reason why VS wanted me to visit her at her house and why OS so intensely did not. Because when I came over, there is FAR LESS unrest and arguments that happen in the house because OS does not want me to witness his bad behavior. I have also specifically asked OS several times to leave me alone when he attempted to speak to me. Imagine this, in all of 7 years that have been in this sage, there are only 3 instances where OS & I exchanged heated words, and all 3 were started by OS. But even then, they never lasted very long because when it comes to OS hearing me or VS our, he takes off in a huff right away. And then he uses those instances to say that I create fights in their house! Untrue & unfair. In the very beginning of VO learning of this situation, he told me, “UNLESS you bring positivity and peace into the home, you should not go there.” I still clearly remember it, and feel it is the most accurate statement about it. Until, I’m sure, OS convinced VO, otherwise.
HERE IS WHERE VO’S ACCUSATION OF DISOBEDIENCE TOWARDS ME COMES FROM: Last year, in April 2021, VO ordered me to stay away from VS residence, which was a beloved home to me for many years. Both VS and I said that is cruel and ridiculous as I am there to mostly to help VS. VO asked me how I am helping VS? I said in three ways. First, with hand-on work. Secondly, inspiration go on and encouragement to not give up on not only her wellbeing, but her life, itself. And thirdly, just my presence there makes him hold back verbal abuse on her. But since OS said that the whole situation is my fault then I agreed to the month long separation from my sister’s house, which was very hard on me. And since I work from home and already home all day, this effectively felt like another lockdown imposed on me. VO did say she can visit me at my apartment, but who are we kidding? With her busy life, that literally cuts our time together by about 75%. And separations like this lead to people growing apart. But just like VO asked me, I did stay away for a month, though it was difficult & hurtful. During that month, there was one time when my father asked me to give him a ride to VS’s house, which I could not refuse. I dropped off my dad at the very end of her driveway and quickly left. I did not even see any of the little kids. OS was in the driveway and saw me dropping off my dad. He told VO that I broke the month agreement and still came to the house. And often, which is not true.
In July 2021, VO called me into the office again, and along with DC again, they ordered me to stay away from my sister’s house for another six months. I tried to explain and pour out my grievances and pain to them in person. How brutal and unfair it was to me. My experience in all of this, as well. How I was treated by OS throughout all of this. I fell apart in their office, trying to get them to also see and understand VS’s experience, too. How scared to death I am that she may tragically die early, like our beloved mother. How her death shook and devastated our whole family. And as an illustration of that devastation, I sent them the photo compilation video of her death. The devastation and grief you see there barely scratches the surface of what our family suffered. I tried to explain that literally none of this would ever have happened if he took care of her and helped her as she needed. How wrong it is that he just dropped the ball at home. But VO & DC only came down on me harder. The main objective to them was for me to do what OS asked them: banish me from people who love me and I love them. Everything fell on deaf ears!! After that fruitless and heart aching meeting, I pretty much ran from there in tears and with the sinking realization, “there is no JUSTICE here, but JUST US here!”
And this was VS’s experience with VO & DC as well, when she was seeking some understanding and consideration of what she is going through. Someone to defend and protect her from what was being done to her. And not just from anyone, but from her pastors! She was treated just as I was. But then I thought, just in case I did not explain things well in Russian thoroughly, I decided to write VO a letter. This is the same “10-pager” letter about which VO told all of you that if he read it to the church, I would be embarrassed. I thought to myself, ‘Yes, please do. At least this way you would have read it at all.’ So I am attaching that letter (as part B to the letter to members, part A) for the rest of the members to read. Sure, it is a very sensitive and private kind of a letter, and I completely laid bare my vulnerabilities before them. But nothing in the letter evoked any kind of compassion and understanding for me. Rather, it was used as a humiliation tactic against me. Something to shame me with. So, VO opened the door for me to share it with the rest of the congregation, as both judge & jury to decide the verdict on their accusations. (I was really hoping I wouldn’t have to lay bare my wounds and scars before you all, but turns out I have to.)
VS & DC told me that if I did not complete this (oppressive) 6-month condition, I will be publicly (within the church) punished and humiliated. Both VS & I were in tears and very distraught about this, but for the next three weeks, I still stayed away. It felt increasingly more wrong and very hurtful as the days inched along. The three youngest kids were particularly upset, with one of them saying, “This is soooo sad! You lived here. We don’t want you to stop visiting us. You help us with so much homework. I love to read with you!” This was deeply felt by all of us. Against our wishes, we are being forced cut cherished time together and mutually loved family bonds. Because a deacon of a church who did not want to see me?? So, I decided to leave the church and on August 1st, 2021 submitted my first note asking to be released. The note was completely ignored that day, and not read. I sent up a few more notes in the following weeks after that, which were ignored. So I finally stood up announced it verbally. They had to address that, otherwise the people would see me being mistreated, right? Of course, I was given the generic response of “we’ll meet about it and discuss it.” But that meeting never came. No one even attempt to reach out to me to schedule it. I pushed for that meeting to happen. I was already in communication by text with DC, due to my work with NG, so I kept asking him by text when we will have that meeting to discuss releasing my membership. After a while, he finally told me they will meet with me after church on 8/22/2021. I got incredibly sick that weekend, with a high fever and laryngitis, but still made sure I made it to that meeting in a mask and feeling horrible. That day they told me that they will NOT release my membership UNTIL I OBEY that cruel 6-month banishment from visiting my own dear sister, and the kids that love me. I tried to explain how unfair, damaging this can be on many levels, but they showed zero interest in hearing me out at all. This was one day before VS’s birthday on August 23rd. She told OS, “How can I have a good birthday if I can’t have N. over to celebrate with me?” As we’ve always done. That day, 8/22/2021, Os sends me this text message: (PHOTO 3)
And I promise before God, those were the absolute last words I got from the elders circle regarding this that 6-month banishment condition, until the event of 4/3/22 in church that you observed. But by that point, I was already asking for 9 months already for my membership to be released. And felt like my membership was in a chokehold by them. Before 4/3/22, did VO or DC ever tell me something like this, “Listen, I know OS said you can come over again, but we are the elders here and want you to be clear that it still stands.” Nope, no one did. They were ignoring me so hard that they didn’t realize they hadn’t explicitly reinstated the condition that OS cancelled. In my mind, it remained cancelled, especially since the original requester, OS, himself cancelled it. In response to OS’s text that day, I sent him an apology and asked that we leave each other alone. We did not speak to each other afterwards. And to the entire congregation, VO slammed me as being “непослушна,” due to this.
So, please, BE MY JURY and tell me brothers & sisters, is this right and just? Do I deserve this charge against me by VO & DC, publicly verbalized by VO to you all? Do I deserve being shamed and shunned for this? In response right then, I asked if I may have a few words to explain myself to the people (as painfully uncomfortable as it may be) and was told no. But it can be understandable due to non-members and children being present. I asked if we can schedule a member’s meeting so I can explain this to you all then. Again, I was told no. And due to such harsh & painful treatment of me by him, I simply did not return VO’s 6/24/22 missed phone call right away. If I knew there was a member’s meeting before that Sunday, I certainly would have called back by then to take my opportunity. But I, nor VS, have never blocked any of VO’s phone numbers or calls. (PHOTO 5) As I’ve been attending Bethlehem church for a while now, and not Maranatha, I would not have heard the member’s meeting announcement. If it was announced in the Viber group, I would not have seen it either, because on 6/2/22, OS removed me from the Viber group. (PHOTO4) On 6/24/22, OS sent VS the following text message: (PHOTO 6) No mention of the member’s meeting that we both wanted. Neither of us were told, or knew about the upcoming 6/26/22 member’s meeting, and our absence certainly benefited both OS & VO, as we were given the ax before you got to hear our side of the story. But now you know some of it.
On 8/22/21, when OS canceled the banishment, it seemed like even he wanted to put this all behind us. He told VS that he told VO, “N. & I apologized to each other and I sent her a message giving her permission to come over again. We forgave each other, please go ahead and release her from the church.” OS told VS that VO yelled at him and said, “No! This is no longer your business. We are not letting her go because we are afraid that she will go into the world/go unchristian.” GO INTO THE WORLD?? That felt like such a slap in the face for me. Not only do I have absolutely zero plans or desire to go secular/into the world, but I am stronger than ever in faith! And gearing up to do a major work FOR the Lord because He has done oh so much for me!! In the last 5 years I have been the closest and strongest with God than in my entire life! During this time, I have felt and heard from the Lord the most. Leaving Him and going into the world is the last thing on my mind, and God knows that to be true.
When my mother died, I was shattered to bits and almost did not survive it. We had an indescribably turbulent life afterwards and I have been hurting deeply and silently ever since. God has seen this, of course, and after many years, He finally healed my heart in such a way that I cannot contribute it to anything else other than Him leading me to a way to help heal others in carrying out the natural cancer therapy and literally helping save lives. By using my hands & feet to especially save the lives of other young moms so that their children can have their moms. (Those who follow doctor’s orders strictly, recover marvelously!!!) I feel that the Lord revealed to me a life calling and I plan to give it right back to Him. The Lord has made up to me the heartbreak of my childhood. The troubles, disappointments, the rain, the storms of the past, the aching of this life pales in comparison to the honor and joys of having been the bearer of a miraculous blessing, an answered prayer to God’s children in their most hopeless time, being faced by hopeless illness.
One example: about 16 months after getting a four-month prognosis, one young mom (who I started on the therapy) of three very little children was recovering marvelously. She was diagnosed two months after having her third baby and was in a wheelchair. The next time I saw her, she has recovered so much. She looked healthy, energetic and beautiful! Running after her little toddler. She told me, “I am so happy God sent you to me! So happy I met you, and went through with the therapy. Otherwise, this little boy would not have a mom.” For the first time since my mother’s death the tears I cried were of happiness (not grief) on my way back home from her house. God healed my heart through leading me to a true healing way to save the lives of other children’s mothers. This is when I notably felt that the heartache that weighed me down for so long has finally started to let go. And after all of this, I am going to go into the world? Such a statement is foreign to me and feels like either an insult or a curse, as I told the pastors this before.
A few weeks after the event of 4/3/22, and I called VO to address it and to apologize for my side of it. I asked him for forgiveness if I hurt him in any way. And said that this church’s leadership have also hurt me pretty deeply, but I would love to just forgive each other, peacefully depart and forget all this. I asked VO if he would be interested in doing that at all, without us having anything dragging behind us for years. (Sure, that may be a bit bold, but I don’t feel at fault in this situation so why shouldn’t I not feel free to ask that?) VO absolutely did not even acknowledge my apology, but immediately doubled down on all the things he said in church. He said, “Это 3-х месячное условие, которое я тебе поставил, ты не выполнил ни одного дня!” And told me that if I don’t go through this “condition” that he put on me, I may just be исключенa from the church, and that is that! When he finished talking, I pointed out all the inconsistencies and painful unfairness in what he just said. “Three months??” I said. “With all due respect, sir, that is NOT accurate. Firstly, your condition was SIX months. And secondly, I have to suffer this lockdown, this cruel sanction that is hurting not only me, but my sister and innocent little kids, just to appease one person’s hatred towards me that should not even be acceptable as a Christian, and you are not even keeping accurate track of the time??”
I said, “In April, 2021, I DID DO YOUR 1 MONTH banishment condition. You told me that OS told you that everything that went wrong in his marriage & family is my fault. I asked you if you really believe that, and you didn’t say yes, or no. You said, “Ok, if this is what OS is saying—everything is N.’s fault—then let’s test that theory. So, what I want you to do is do not set a foot on their property for one whole month, and we will see if things get worse, or better. If worse, then we will know it’s not your fault.” I agreed. It was so hard to do, but I did it. For a whole month, I sat withing my four walls, depressed and often crying. And what was the result? Things got much worse, and you still said that it was my fault. And now you want six months more of this depression and heartache for me? All of the blame was put on me and used as an excuse to separate family who actually love each other and want to be together more, not less. This kind of stuff causes people to tragically grow apart. OS has not taken ANY real responsibility in it, and I am forced to go through punishment & pain of broken cherished family ties?” My goodness, gracious…how is this ok???
I know this is a bit straightforward, but true, when I also told VO, “I poured out my pain and hardships to you. How I was treated, thrown out by one of your deacons and what did you tell me? Even after OS, himself, admitted to kicking me out, you told me: Чи він тебе вигнав чи ні…я незнаю! That was told to you a couple times in the letter that I took time to write to you, and you didn’t even read it…” I paused and waited for him to refute it, say that he did read it, but he did not. I continued, “Weeks after you had the letter, you asked me questions I already answered in the letter. And you are making judgements based on one-sided input, what OS told you, which are 95% lies. So, I’m sorry to say, pastor, but I do not trust your judgement and I do not trust your punishment. And if I was treated wrong, can we please forgive each other and let me go PROPERLY? I am moving on from your church.” In a raised voice, VO replied, “GO! I am not holding you here!” I said, “That’s what I’m trying to do, but is it right to have my membership in one church, but go to another?” He said, “No, that’s not right, either.” And we’re back to square one. Nothing I said mattered. How in the world is it ok to hold a freewill church membership hostage until someone goes through an oppressive regime? It seems like there are too few ways out of a membership from this church, and I don’t understand that. Things like moving out of state. Or out of the city due to major life changes such as marriage (a subject about which I’m deeply disillusioned and jaded), or something like that.
I have been told a quite a few times already by people, that they have never seen or heard of исключение за непослушание, put in the same category of исключение for something major, such as an adultery. I was even told that так даже не принято in a God fearing Christian church. As well as a great many other serious wrongs that has been enabled, hushed up & straight up covered up by at least VO & DC (as far as I’ve seen for certain) that will have a handful of church members raising their pitchforks for sure. Just 4 months before OS was appointed deacon in May, 2018, he confessed to VS that he desired another woman in choir. So, OS is sitting in a “good-example-Levite” seat, lusting after another man’s wife in front of the whole church, and I AM the one that gets punished for telling him that’s wrong and having compassion for my sister having to endure something so disgusting like this?? Your deacon, replaced his wife in his heart, and cruelly alienates her own kids against their mom, telling ALL THE KIDS heinous and vile LIES that their mom has a boyfriend and instead of going to work, mom goes to her boyfriend’s house. OS used the slightly disheveled/messed up landscaping rocks under the windows, done by backyard chickens, as “proof that this was mom’s boyfriend trying to get into her window at night. And remember when mom was not feeling good? See, that was when she got an abortion.” He even physically pushed her around twice! And I AM the one publicly shamed and blamed because of OS’s disturbing lack of Biblical manhood, fatherhood and a Godly Kingdom Husband? But who am I, being unmarried, to say to him that is horribly unchristian behavior, and even evil? In one of our meetings, VO told me that either I or VS should have told the elders about OS desiring another woman prior to the ceremony. VS said that it was “OS’s spiritual responsibility to confess that prior to the ceremony. If she told VO about it and OS did not, it probably would have been viewed a wayward wife stirring up dissent.” I told VO that, “And if I told you that, you’d think the same thing. Plus, I was afraid that you would not believe me over him about any of this. And boy, wasn’t I correct about that!” There was a reason I boycotted that whole day…
I will say this, though, in the pastor’s defense: before and during the deaconship ceremony, they did not know about this. However, AFTER they did find out, they did nothing about it, either. Even when OS specifically told them, “I approached this deaconship completely wrong.” When VS was asked about her opinion/support regarding deaconship for OS, she did not give them a firm yes, or a firm no, but said, “If that is what you & he wants, how can I say no about serving God?” Neither VO or DC dug any deeper into it or unpacked that loaded response, which is unbelievable to me. What is also unacceptable is that OS stole, or “secretly borrowed,” as he puts it $5K from the church treasury to buy his favorite child, AS, a car, and I AM the one that needs sanctions and conditions? Then, AS T-boned an elderly couple in that car, sending them to ER, and after all the dust settled around that situation, she was $15K in debt because of it. Three times the amount that was stolen, and then quietly replaced when OS sold a car. After OS pinched that money, he was very nervous about GG (his secret love…poor lady…) noticing that amount gone, and he asked VS what he can do so that doesn’t find out. The pastors know about this, and I am the one that gets hammered and humiliated by him for defending my poor sister having to suffer many of such dubious dealings and unacceptable behavior? I get kicked out for refusing to pull my support and a shoulder for her to lean on, as she crumbles. A supportive shoulder is what OS should have been/done for her all along. And if not OS, then VO. If either of them did so….I would not even need to! Let that sink in for a moment….
Want to get rid of me? That has actually always been very simple to do: TAKE PROPER & DESERVED CARE OF VS, and I am gone in a flash to enjoy my own life! No struggle or strife necessary. Notice, I said simple to do, not easy. If it is not easy for them to do, then perhaps that is something they need to address within themselves. Not trample all over me just because I am willing to help an overly exhausted MOM! OF! TEN!! Sorry I keep repeating that, but it just hits me anew every time! And maybe VO should not advise OS to get restraining orders against his wife’s siblings, as OS said that VO told him to do. All of this is ok and covered up by the elders, but the fact that I care for my sister TOO MUCH is punishable offense that gets you kicked out by a church congregation? I respect all you, individual members, and don’t hold any of this against any of you because I don’t think you even knew about it to participate in this injustice. But once you do know, and support this through your silence, only then you are willingly partaking in my heartbreak and tears. I will be weeping to God until I see justice. Just as you had the right to your opinion about accepting me as a member into your church, you also have a right to say if you, as an individual member, agree to release my membership from this church, in peace. I am pleading with you ALL, to let me know your option/decision either by text or phone call: 509.329.8311.
On 4/3/22, when DC announced his intention to move and asked the church to release him, the hypocrisy was so blatant, I could hardly believe it. He was released in the same day, same announcement and almost in the same breath without giving absolutely anyone a change to object or to weigh in at all. Because he knows for sure and for certain that there are at least two members in this church that DO NOT agree to release DC: that is VS & I. We feel that DC should NOT be allowed to slyly & quietly sneak out a mess and a lot of heartache that he personally contributed to with how he mishandled and mistreated VS & I! This poor, beat up mom-of-10 is in pieces at home, unable to bring herself to even see that hypocrisy show, and DC is being released with honors and gifts? Well, God is still just and has access to him anywhere. But just so it is clear to all: if any objections to his release matter as a valid reason to not release someone, DC has most certainly not been released from Maranatha church with full agreement from all members. The unfairness and double standards were so brazed, here were my thoughts in italics during the statements, some translated to English:
DC: We decided to move to Florida. Правильно это или нет, но, мы так и решили. [Exactly sums up my mistreatment by them. But I’m just required to accept it, unlike him.] Так что у вас большого выбора я думаю нету. Придётся вам отпустить меня. [Please grant me the same courtesy, as we have both been a part of the exact same unresolved or “unfinished business” kind of a situation.]
VO to DC: Бр. Дима, вам огромное спасиба. И сестра Галя, потому что—тот кто работает к церкви—и я хочу сказать, если женя токо скажет нет, то он не будет работать. Я это 100% уверен! Если, даже скажем, он епископ, и жена скажет, Нет, ради мира в доме, он не будет трудится. [I almost fell off the chair! In July 2021, VS wrote OS an official request, asking him to remove her husband from ALL church duties for the time being. For the sake of peace, so that he may fix the issues in his own home first, and VS was denied such a consideration and right VO verbally just stated to the whole church. Her request was invalidated, ignored & completely disregarded by VO & DC outright.]
VO to congregation: Бр. Дима сказал почему они так решили, и мы не можем задержать. Они так решили и мы не можем препятствовать. [Firstly, I don’t think you all are told the whole truth.... Secondly, is being one of the pastors in who OS’s cruel moral abuse found refuge, not hinderance enough to prevent him being released from membership? Scot-free, with no responsibility or resolution. I am only seeking to exercise the same right that DC was granted, to go anywhere I like (whether I move my home or my church membership).]
About a month ago, OS yelled at told me that he talked to VZ, an episcop in Portland’s Emmanuel Church about me. He said, “VZ told me about what you did when you lived there, шо ти там наробила!” (Anytime I am around OS, I make it a special effort not to talk to him and not respond to anything he says, because I know what he wants to do. Pull me into a ridiculous verbal argument and then will blame the whole thing on me and use it as proof to tell people that I fight at his house. So I don’t speak to him at all, even if/when he does.) I knew it to myself that is a complete, bold-faced lie. But wanted to confirm it to others, so I called VZ, myself, and spoke to him about this. I said, “I was told by OS that you told him that there is some kind of a messy situation that I made there, and that your elders circle in Emmanuel discussed it and have something against me. So I would like to know what is it that your are under the impression that I did? Is there some issue pending in your elders circle that I need to address and resolve?” Brother VZ told me, “What? I said nothing of the sort! I saw you in our church occasionally but there is no issue here I know of that you need to resolve.” I told him, “Your whole church pretty much knew why I temporarily moved to Vancouver, WA with my brother & sister-in-law for a while. To carry out the natural cancer therapy. There was one unpleasant situation, but it was actually something that was done to ME. And two pasters from your church, AV & PG, apologized to me about it, on behalf of their church member…” Full story is in my letter to VO.
What VZ did tell me was that OS gave him all the accusations I mentioned above, of me purposely meddling with malicious intentions to cause damage to him. It has been years now of OS sling mud at me and slandering me to anyone that he can. And while I know that this classic narcissistic behavior, it is still difficult to endure because I know that many people may not see it that way and may take it as fact, because OS can sound so very convincing to everyone outside of the home, who have never seen him without the masks he wears and carefully-crafted glowing public image he works so hard to maintain. (As one of the narcissism educators I watch have stated, “when it benefits them somehow, narcissist can charm someone back from the dead. They are smooth in speech and act, but ferocious wolves on the inside.” I highly recommend you all to look into these educators on YouTube: Dr. Les Carter, Surviving Narcissism, DoctorRamani, Navigating Narcissism, Healing from Narcissism, and Narcissism Expert lawyer Rebecca Zung.) From the narcissist’s victim’s perspective, it is a very different reality behind closed doors. Narcissists portray themselves as the victims when in fact they are actually victimizing others. And out of everyone & anyone who has ever been somehow involved in this case, or have known about it, who is the only one who has lived behind the same closed doors as this narcissist? That would be me, correct? So, as yourselves this: is it any wonder that he goes so far out of his way to vilify me to those in the highest church authorities, like VO, DC & VZ? To save his own skin, but discard me anywhere and anyhow that he can, now including Maranatha Church. An organization to which YOU are all associated with, and INDIRECTLY, a part of what is being done to me. I tell you the truth, dear brothers & sisters in Christ, if you only knew the suffering, heartache and tears this narcissist has caused us, you would not want any part of it whatsoever. I know how this extreme measure I am taking can be viewed and criticized, but I tell you the truth: this measure matches the intensity of the harm & pain OS has inflicted on VS and myself over MANY years already. Which was enabled, perpetuated, covered up and encouraged by VO & DC.
They can vilify me all they want, but at the end of the day, I am still THE ONLY person that God sent into her life & situation that HAS understood VS, validated her heartache and actually DID SOMETHING about it. When it was all told to VO, he told me this, word for word: “Compared to my wife, VS has NO PROBLEMS.” My relayed response was, “So, what you’re saying is that all she has been through already, is not valid enough, not big enough, because when compared the suffering of another child of God (your wife), it’s not as severe or long enough to be considered as a problem to you? What you’re saying is that VS’s situation has a lot more room for OS’s abuse and cruelty before you see it as problem? And this, effectively, gives OS permission (by extension) to continue to rain his abuse on her.” In response, I got the vibes of: ‘who are you to say such things to us?’ My response to that is simply that in our difficult life, we have taken much cruelty & unfairness from the world, many other so-called “Christians,” we shouldn’t have to take it from PASTORS. It saddens me that the only problem VO & DC saw in this entire thing is that VS & I had a problem with how we were being treated by them all.
In one of my meetings with DC & VO, DC clasped his hands together and says, “You and VS are like this. But it needs to be OS & VS like this.” I said, “Yes, that is a beautiful, beautiful thing, when its genuine. And our whole family aways thought that’s what they were. I actually have a different sister that is closer to me in age that I am like that with. ANY closeness OS may see between VS & myself has been as a DIRECT RESULT of result of his cruelty of VS. It was OS’s brutality that created a “David & Jonathan” kind of friendship between VS & I. The more he treated her like disposable trash, the closer we got.” And then, the closer we got, the worse OS treated both VS & I. In their recent domestic violence protection hearing, the following was told (at different times) in OS’s direction, by the judge: “You have no right to her medical records. She is your wife, not your property. she doesn’t have to have your permission to have anyone over to her house. To go anywhere. Or to take the children. Maybe in your culture, or religion that is something that is normal, I'm not sure. But in the eyes of the law, which is where we’re at today, she absolutely doesn’t have to have your permission to do any of those things. Period. She can have her sister over. She can have her brothers over. He seems to be a very controlling individual. He seems to think he controls you. I think you both are very religious. And I think both of you put a lot of stock in what your pastors say. I don’t care what a pastor says. I don’t think a pastor knows anything what happens behind closed doors. Period. People outside of the home simply don't know what goes on inside someone's home. So, whatever your pastors have said on this carries very little weight and credibility. If this were a dissolution, I would be entering a restraining order, because that is much more broad. And I think your actions towards your wife would warrant a restraining order. Some of the other things that were mentioned, being a bad driver is not domestic violence. Stealing five thousand dollars from the church is not domestic violence. I think that speaks to who he is, but that doesn't match the definition of domestic violence statute. A lot of people describe verbal abuse as domestic violence (and it probably is), but verbal abuse is not part of our current statute. I think probably there’s been a lot of that. A lot of that! Those things right now aren’t fully domestic violence issues, under our current narrow definition. But that is changing July 1st… Our law about what domestic violence is, what more will go into it, is changing on July 1st.”
Dear brothers & sisters, please understand me correctly, I’m not trying to perpetuate this issue at all, I only want to move on from this and separate myself from the situation as much as I can. And I may still have you here, in this congregation, who may find some compassion and willing assistance for me. To live in peace. To reject VO throwing me out. To be able to move my membership to a church I’m more comfortable in. To enjoy an more stress free & easier life already. I am also a child of God that has God-given rights to be treated as they themselves want to be treated. And if I am a nobody for them to help and defend, I can live with that perfectly fine, but my sister should definitely be a somebody to them. A mother of ten children, a big-hearted, sensible, intensely hard-working, successful, compassionate Godly woman, with decades upon decades of a strong, dedicated and consistent church-centered life. And for elders to discredit her, so harshly, mercilessly devalue, mistreat and toss her aside, as she was last Sunday? Without consideration of what she is going through, on VO part, and without true knowledge of what VS is going through, on your part.
If you want to condemn me for taking such a measure, for standing up to dictator-like mistreatment & injustice by Christian leadership, then do so. But do so as a whole congregation, and after you’ve had the chance to hear out all sides. Not one or two individuals with biased, conflict of interest opinions. (Where else do we see people’s opinions, right to defend themselves, and freedom of speech being censored/stripped by authorities? And demand unquestioned obedience simply because of authority position. Politics? Regardless of positions, wrong is still wrong.) This not intended as revenge, I just want to be free of this oppression. If I was vengeful, you would know all details of how OS, VO & DC treated me throughout this. And maybe that would have saved me lots of heartache and stress. But now there’s zero chance that they will consider our pain, so now such measure is justifiable. My only “crime” in this situation is daring to stand up to OS, and then not staying down when verbally beaten by VO & DC. If you want to condemn me, then condemn me, but KNOW: if anything happens to this mom-of-10, it won’t be you suffering the most acute, raw heartbreak I have already endured. It won’t be you who will see on a daily basis what the kids will be going through, it will be ME all over again. I am deeply sorry about burdening any of you with this stressful information, but you are my very last option who still have a say in this. My aim is not for my reputation right now but avoid as much heartbreak & devastation as I possibly can in the lives of others.
I know most people don’t like to involve themselves in other people’s personal and sensitive problems, on their own. But in my case right now, I say: I INVITE YOU ALL INTO MY SITUATION, if you can find it in your heart and busy life to dig a little deeper to get to the real truth of the matter. I welcome you & would be immensely grateful if you came into this situation to help. You can text & call me anytime, speak to VS (she welcomes you as well), and even to OS about this. Try getting into details with him (as some already have) and watch his reaction carefully. As the narcissist squirms & shrinks. The one thing they loathe & fear most is being called out & found out publicly, on a larger scale. As if its not a big deal to him that his true state of heart is already in full view of the biggest scale of all: GOD! Please take a closer look at the entire situation without the rose colored glasses you were given. Please excuse any grammar errors you may find; I cannot bear to reread it again. And note, the error is only grammatical, not factual. Feel free to reach out to me for any clarifications. Thank you all oh so much for your time, consideration, and understanding in this matter. My very best & love to you all.
In His Service, w/love,
~ ND ~
P.S. The only time VS or I are going to “step foot” in VO’s church house is when this wrong is corrected. But I would still like you to have info on the natural cancer therapy (Part C) should anyone you know ever need it. With rising cancer statistics, I feel that it is only prudent to equip ourselves, as such a thing can befall any one of us, at any time. See basic info flyer, attached. And send any questions or requests for info on the therapy to: [email protected].
“That juice lady,” affectionately nicknamed by Lianka, granddaughter of NG.
PART B - ND 07/2021 LETTER TO VO
Dear Pastor VO, July, 2021
Peace be with you.
I hope and pray that your read and process these letters, for VS’s and the family’s sake. This is a hard letter to write, as I do not like to cause anyone distress. I have kept my silence on the family situation for many years. Even from my own siblings, to respect that private household matters be kept within the household only. I am glad the time came that it was finally brought to you by OS, and I am allowed to speak to you on this matter, because the situation is now more dire than ever. In situations like these, it’s helpful to have as much information as possible to get the bigger picture. And some things are easier to write than say aloud. One of the key people in this situation is AS, who took (or was pulled into) a strong, blind stand for her dad. And into an unbelievably cruel and naïve stance against her mom. I wrote to her because she completely refuses to even hear out any of her mom’s grievances and supports her dad in all wrongdoings, without weighting things out fairly. Another reason I wrote AS a letter is to try to explain my involvement in this situation to her from my side, because she only accepts what her dad tells her about me and 95% of it is untrue. To reason with her about her shameless and inconsiderate mistreatment of her mom and to ask her to try and see what her mom is going through, as well.
So, to keep you in the know, I am giving you a copy of AS’s letter for three reasons. First, it explains in detail my involvement from the start and my innermost thoughts and motives about this entire situation. Second, so that none of my words can be changed to you about what I have said to AS, to her dad and her mom throughout all of this. OS says that I slander him behind his back to hurt him, and I do not. Slander is saying untrue things about someone with malicious intent to cause them harm. The only time I have, and will ever say, anything negative about anyone is if I am put into a position to defend myself/respond to wrong allegations put out there about me first. Responding to/not accepting someone’s bad treatment towards you by defending yourself and rebuking them is not slander, or intended to cause them harm, but to try and protect yourself. Because who else will?? And as I’ve said before, everything I have said about OS to anyone is only after he has actively tried to make me look bad to people. Either directly, or through another person. And it’s all right there in AS’s letter. It’s all I have said directly to OS himself, and would repeat to VO. And thirdly, to save you time. Sure, processing both of these letters may take you some time but having it in written form will help you remember and give you many more important details that I would never have enough time (and strength) to explain in a pressure-packed face-to-face meeting. Letters also give you a chance to refer back to a lot of information.
Even though I may speak strongly at times, please know, it is only due to a hurting, broken heart. Only to take this opportunity and pour out my own grievances to you, while I can. When will I ever get another chance? I mean absolutely no disrespect towards you or any elders. Rather, I have the utmost respect for you, pastor. All of your help over the years has never been forgotten and always greatly appreciated by me. I am still amazed and inspired by the level of support you have given NG’s family (whether she accepted it or not). You carried our family on the wings of your prayers when our mother died. You arranged support and hands-on help to come to our grieving home in Colville during most difficult times. Even before we were members here in Maranatha. Thank you.
VS has been silently suffering covert narcissistic abuse at the hands of OS. Since OS was appointed to deacon, it got to unbearable levels for her. As I have told you in person, my involvement in this situation was purely accidental and unintentional. I first learned of this when one time I was in my room and overheard some heartbreaking verbally abusive barrages from OS on VS, when they thought I wasn’t home. For a while after that, I kept my distance from it all, not even telling my sister what I heard, but there came a point where she was in so much distress and tears that I had to reluctantly come out and defend her. I personally heard him tell her that she is not his wife. That she is crazy and has mental problems. And he wished he married someone else. Your niece, in fact... It broke my heart to hear that he desires another woman. His “best friend’s” wife. The wife of the man he sits in choir with for many years…(wow, what a friend!) OS told VS she is not worthy of him. I told him that was so cruel, wrong, and how can he treat her this badly, especially because she gave him 10 kids? From that time on, I became another target and enemy to him. The more I defended her, the more he treated me with contempt. He literally became no one to him. He kicked me out at least three times, just short of physically grabbing me to throw me out. He was towering/standing over me with fists and in extreme anger, I was bracing for a hit. Ото вже усердно гонив! The devil must have been so proud. I tell you the truth, Я николи нечуствувала більше гонимой як у цого діякона. He even beat my dad’s wife, Olga, in this. If this was anybody else in the world, if this was else’s house, I tell you the truth I would gladly disappear and never look back. But this is my poor, weak sister that is standing on a precipice....I am scared for her wellbeing, in every way. I feel she is in a dangerous, fragile situation and extremely close to a tragedy is she gets left alone with this risky dynamic, now that OS’s secret life and behavior is coming out. Even before I EVER knew anything was wrong, way before I became UNAVOIDABLY involved, she was already praying for death because of what was going on behind their closed doors
OS has said that VS tells me everything, but VS told me that I don’t even know 50% of all that has been happening for 20 years and that I don’t need to know. I agree, what I heard and know is plenty. How he is working hard to break her down in every way so harshly that it looks like a very likely possibility that he wants her to die so that he can remarry and still keep his artificial shiny halo. It is so cruel how he abuses her verbally and emotionally. Manipulates her, and everyone around her, if he can. Overwhelms her with his sneaky, sly and crooked ways. Shocks her with deceitful misconduct, especially in financial affairs. Both with home finances and otherwise… Neglects her in her enormous workload at home, inside the house and out. Abandons the kids in their spiritual (and every other kind) development, alienates and uses them to hurt his wife. He had dropped almost every responsibility in the home after becoming a deacon, citing that since he is a deacon, his work is now only in church and hers is everything in the home. Is this the arrangement and expectation acceptable by the church elders for real? She desperately needs his help with the kids and household, a він звалив таки груз на маленькі плечи and basically lives a single life, doing mainly what pleases him. He treats her like some robot with unlimited battery life, strength, who has no heart and no feelings. Not the weaker vessel that she is. Ripping her rights and needs to shreds (not only as a wife, but as a human being) and then goes off and serves the Lord in church like a holy man. Presents himself so perfect, as she falls apart at home because of the heavy workload and horrible mistreatments he purposely inflicts on her. Preaching, “God sees everything done in private!” Yes, thank God for that. I cannot see how that kind of service would be acceptable to God. It certainly is not to me, as a member of the church he serves, while seeing both faces...
I don’t know how her plight, tears and heartache are not touching to him, but I saw her pain and tears and have tried to help her in her heavy burdens, as the Bible says to help carry each other’s burdens. In housework, errands, with kid’s homework, etc. As well as encourage her, strengthen her with positivity and hope. To comfort/uplift her with kindness and love. To hold up another human being on the brink of collapse. And to beg her NOT TO give up on her life but stay alive for the kids! I heard her cry out in bitter tears, “If it wasn’t for N., I would already do something to myself, physically!” My heart tears into pieces, even now, recalling that scene!! And that is the only reason for my involvement: to support her and keep her alive because I saw and heard that he does not! One of the worst things in the world that I cannot handle seeing are young moms dying early, leaving the kids orphaned to be ripped apart by the wolves of the world. And this family is very close to that, if she does not get serious intervention and long-lasting relief. He is not support and help her very much at all with the household and he does not want me to, either. My mother would say this to something like this: “Сам не гам, і комусь не дам.” This is not some random family in church I strolled into to help, this was my dear second family for about a decade and a half, that I have always worked hard for. My hands-on work in it has been commonplace and usual to us all for many years already. Not how OS is trying to make it out to be now, saying that I meddled in it out of nowhere.
But because of my support and help in her burdens, I have taken much abuse from him as well. For seven years now, and hard for about three years already. He has worked so hard to cut everyone out of her life. In order to isolate her from other people’s care and support. And completely cut me off from this family, even those who love me. Who know I have gone long ways out of my way for their good, and want me in their life. He continues to do this in any way he can. OS says that I am trying to destroy his family, and all this is happening because of me. VS says it was already severely broken down big time before I even knew anything was wrong. And because I am not withdrawing my support from VS, he is making my life miserable. Using me as a scapegoat, a convenient person for him to pin his faults and wrongdoings on. And that feels like a knife in my heart! I have always served and helped his family in any way I can. I loved them all and they loved me. We lived in a wonderful harmony, until I stood up for VS. Even OS has said to me many times, word for word, “What would we do without you? How would we fit it all into today without you? Such a wonderful helper! You are an awesome, loyal friend and sister! You are such a big part of this family, like my own daughter. And just like a daughter, I don’t even let you move out of here until you get married.”
Why? Because I worked hard to be so. He knows that and they all know that. But when I rebuked him for his cruel behavior, I became a nobody. Sharply! A stranger, an enemy #1 to him. A destroyer of his family, according to OS. I have happily and wholeheartedly served his family for many years—for THEIR good. Is that someone that is out to destroy others? But he has so easily thrown me under the bus. Pinned horrible accusations on me and tells defamatory lies about me. Like out of nowhere I just thought, “Hmmm…what shall I do these days? I know, I’ll go destroy my sister’s marriage & family.” Right? Absolutely not, hand to God! That’s lunacy. I don’t like to bring up my prior good deeds for this family, but in this case, I have to use some of them only as evidence: does over a decade of my life spend in tireless service to him and his family prove that my aim is to destroy? Instead, in great effort, I’ve contributed to building UP his family. These accusations of his in return are like a middle finger in my face and the turning of a knife in my heart. At their root, they don’t even make sense. You know what he is doing? Diverting negative attention towards me to turn it away from himself. To get people from looking too closely at him. This is a typical narcissistic technique not to become exposed. Consider this: there were absolutely ever any problems between OS and me before this in all the years I lived with them. He and I always respected each other (or so, I thought), and got along incredibly well. Until….I saw the truth and started defending VS from his abuses. I would strongly recommend for the elders to do a very thorough investigation into his true character, deep down. Into the person hiding behind a “Christian” mask. Even though it certainly would have been best if I never had to be involved, please know that I’ve been thinking only for the good of everybody involved:
1. VS. She is walking in our mom’s footsteps towards an early grave if it continues like this. Narcissism is too complex of a subject to detail, but generally, without help and support, the victim (or target person) usually ends up in a very bad place for the rest of their lives. Many eventually wind up completely crumbling in every way and sometimes even to their death. That is the majority end result of an unsupported narcissist’s victim. This is what I fear most and why I support her, despite the treatment I get from OS. (It’s super hard to do, but I am comforted to know that Jesus is counting every punch I take just for holding up another wounded child of His.) I have been encouraging VS to take care of herself physically, mentally and spiritually for the sake of the kids at least, and even started her on doing a little Gerson juicing. She’s been increasingly eating healthily. Lots of vegetables, green smoothies, etc. All organic food and feeling better. But he mocks her for it, no joke! For eating grass and leaves like an animal. What…? Who makes fun of someone trying to be healthy, well and stronger?? That doesn’t even make sense! Unless…of course…he doesn’t want her to be healthy and well… Which means he desires the opposite for her. To break her down in every way so she gives up on life, itself, giving him the freedom to remarry. Do you think it’s a stretch or an over exaggeration to think he desires her end?
I thought so at first, but got convinced otherwise. There are disturbing signs that point in that direction, and hints of dark intentions. One example: last year, when we were going camping (an event that was planned and anticipated a year ahead already), he was not letting her and the kids go to this long-awaited exciting summer event. The kids were crying and begging her to go, and so she did. What did OS tell her? That if she does go camping against his will, she will get in a car accident. Right in front of the kids! (She was already convinced that he does not care for her safety, but did he forget that his children are in that same car with their mom?? Wow.) Another big sign to her was when VS took her Toyota Highlander to a Toyota dealership because they put out a recall on a faulty part in all Highlander for the year that she has. (This was probably the providence of God!) After replacing the bad part, they were shocked at what was going on under the hood of her car. She had a wiring problem that could easily cause a terrible life-threatening accident at any time. So VS took the Highlander to our brother, SD, who is a car mechanic and welder (instead of OS). SD looked at it and was shocked at how OS, who fixes cars all the time, did not notice this life-threatening problem. SD said that should have been obvious and anyone who knows even a little about cars would immediately see it. OS has looked under the hood of VS’s car many times, and said he neither noticed it (allegedly) or needed to fix anything there. So, these are the details, you can come to your own conclusion…
I remember a statement from one of your sermons, where you’ve said, “When life is especially hard, we have to переключитися од терпения в долготерпение.” Well, I would like you to be aware, pastor, that VS did that many years ago already. The gear, or state, she is now in is beyond долготерпение. It’s been several years that she переключилась уже од долготерпения в ледве-виживания. She is under extreme pressure, in survival mode in almost every single way with no one to see or care—how long do you think she will last here until she snaps is gone forever??? This is why I have kept from updating my new address with the church, to keep OS from getting access to it. As far as I know, he does not know exactly where I live (since he asks the little kids where auntie lives), and I do not want him to know for several reasons. Firstly, because he has absolutely no respect for another person’s privacy. He will show up unannounced, at odd hours, attempt to get inside and search through other people’s belongings. He has done this to many unfortunate people in his family and mine who accidentally left their cars unlocked in his driveway. One time, my sister Tanya came home and caught him looking into her apartment windows, checking if they are open. Narcissists have no problem invading other people’s privacy. They believe that because they are superior and better than others, they are justified in this behavior.
Another reason I don’t want to give the church my address (keeping OS from discovering where I live) is so that if VS ever needs a bit of peace and quiet, she has a place to go without him showing up there, which he has done countless times. He has no trust or respect of her personal freedom, even to be able to go to a grocery store alone without being followed and stalked by him. VS is too busy to be at my apartment often, but when she does come, she feels at complete rest and peace from his disturbing behavior. And possession of her, like she is an object. So, dear pastor, the reason I don’t want to give the church my address is because I know that one of your deacons will abuse this information—use it for purposes in which it was not intended. As it turns out, I have to keep information from my pastors because of OS.
2. Kids. OS purposely and actively is trying to turn the kids against me, one by one. By talking bad about me to them. Lying and slandering me to them behind my back so that they view me differently and dis me for nothing. For example, he took Nik. once for ice cream and tried to make him think badly of me by telling him, “N. is not thankful. Dad helped buy N. a car and she is not thankful. That is bad.” Nik. repeated that at the dinner table after that. This is only one example. Thank God, the little ones forget and again love and friendly with auntie. But the older ones don’t forget that easily. Especially the older boys now. After spending a bunch of money on them, the teen boys started to be either harsh to me, give me bad looks, or call me horrible names when they have usually been friendly with me. I always got along well with the boys, and they with me. Until OS gets to them. Takes them somewhere, buys them expensive things and turns them against me. Not only I, but VS, have noticed that the kids are friendlier and kinder to me without OS around. But when OS is around, it’s like something happens to the older kids and their demeanor changes towards me completely. It is obvious he is encouraging such behaviors in the children.
It’s sad enough that he tries to isolate the older kids from me, but it’s the younger ones that really cut me in the heart. These kids love me, and I love them. We have a deep bond that developed since they were babies. When I moved to Vancouver to help KD recover, VS said the kids were sad, confused and disoriented at my sudden disappearance. For months very little A. and N. were asking their mom, “Why N. gone so long? Why N. not come home?” Even after I moved back to Spokane, my visits to VS’s house and seeing the kids after work 2 – 4 (very max) times a week were not enough, for them. You should have seen N. one evening. With a serious and sad little face, like I robbed him of something, N. asked me, “Why N. come so late? Why N. come in evening, be with us for little bit, then leave again? Why?? Why N. not come in the morning?” I said, “Well, Nik, auntie has to work during the day. Grown ups have to work all day and then they can be home in the evening. So auntie tries to come see N.” He thinks for a little bit and says, “Ok, can N. spend the night with us then?” I said, “Auntie can’t, because she has to wake up early in the morning, get ready and go work, so she needs to sleep at home.” He thinks a bit more, then says, “Ok then, can N. just come in the morning on Saturday and be with us the whole, whole day?” I said, “Yes, Nik, auntie will try to do that for Nik.!” He blossomed into a big smile! Gave me huge hugs and said he loves auntie so very much. And even up to this day, when I leave to go home, the kids run across the whole house just to give auntie big hugs and say they love auntie. When they do this, OS just shakes from contempt towards me. And the look in his eyes is beyond disturbing.
These kids love me so much, but OS yells at VS in front of them, pointing to me, “What is she doing here? She has her own apartment, why is she sitting here?” Even when I come for just a few hours to visit. Kids look at him with huge eyeballs. I don’t know if you know this, but I have lived with this family 4 separate times. After my mom died, I moved out at age 13 to live with VS and OS. VS wanted to work, and I wanted to get away from our dad’s very physically & psychologically abusive wife. So it worked out for me to homeschool for high school and babysit VS’s kids while she was at work. The next time we lived together was actually when the whole family moved in with me into the north Spokane house! They were moving from Moses Lake to Spokane and with their big family they had a hard time finding rent that was fairly cheaper. They were building their current house and needed to save all the money they could. At that time I, with Tanya, lived in a 3 bedroom house with a huge basement. Semi-small house but still far too big for two girls, so I asked the landlord (who was actually my coworker) if the family can move in with us temporarily. She agreed and the entire family crammed into that little house, pushing my sister and me into a little corner in the basement. Which was totally fine with us and we all enjoyed that time immensely. The kids have some of their fondest childhood memories there. Even if we were basically piled on top of each other. As soon as their house on Molter was built, I moved in with them. That was the third time I lived with them. Then I moved to Bellingham for a few years and back to Spokane. This last time was actually not me who moved me in with them again, but OS himself—against my wishes. That full story is in the letter to AS, but in short, VS and I both agreed that it was not possible for me to live with them anymore because the family got 2 more kids bigger. Above both of our objections, OS went to my storage, took and moved my stuff into the corner storage room. A very noble act, on its face, of course, but I also believe it was God’s doing. So that I may discover what is being done to VS and how close she is getting to give up on life itself. Dying as a young mom, leaving so many little kids behind. So that somebody may see the red flags that are not visible to anyone else outside of the house. So that I might see our family’s history trying to repeat itself, and intervene (which I pushed back against doing for a long time after I did discover it). So that I can help in prayer, and now in revealing these things as an eye-witness to the church elders.
So after all of these years of the family & I being so close, so weaved into the family, OS is trying hard to abruptly and harshly chop me off from the kids completely. Do you know what that would do them psychologically? We all felt abandoned when our mom died/ suddenly disappeared, but I felt it particularly brutally. I loved her so much, actively tried to get close to her and make her happy, and she knew it. I felt cruelly abandoned by someone I loved and had a bond with. These kids love me deeply and get hurt by our separation if it is too long. Even now, when I get overly busy and stop by their house like one time a week, they feel it and ask their mom “Why N. not coming? When is N. going to come?” Whenever OS learns I’m not going to be there, he visibly lights up and gets happy, according to VS and some of the kids. When I show up, his facial expressions and behavior changes immediately into anger and contempt. And this isn’t only me that observed this countless times, but his own family members told me. He wants to make me disappear, once and forever. How very deacon-like behavior, right? But I cannot do that to the little kids, no matter his verbal abuse of me. Sure, it would be more comfortable for me, and considerably less stressful, to disappear from a harsh environment like this (even though I’d miss them terribly), and not deal with this stress, don’t you think? To me, that is too selfish. I usually don’t choose comfortable, I am looking at this from the kids’ perspective. They would develop abandonment issues to some degree, if someone they deeply loved were suddenly to disappear on them. Putting their psychological development above my own comforts is much more important to me. And should be to him.
And why does he want me gone so badly? So that he can behave differently when no one is around to see it. And by differently, I don’t mean just the general comfort level everyone feels in the privacy of their own home vs being a bit more presentable and self-aware outside the home. I mean, so nobody is there to witness his drastic changes in character. So that he can freely behave in ways that would definitely raise the eyebrows of people everywhere else. His public display vs his real, shocking self in privacy. So that he can continue to rain his narcissism over VS and the kids without observance by anyone outside the home (which I already saw). The difference is sharp, palpable, and creepy, according to his own family members. What baffles me completely about this is—doesn’t he fear that GOD’s watchful eye is always on him??? Especially as a deacon. The way he seems to disregard that God sees everything makes me wonder if he even fears God at all. As long as people outside the home don’t see his dark side, as long as he can keep up good outside appearances away from home, nothing else matters. I tell you the truth (and I’m not the only one who will) that OS is a very superficial an manipulative individual. If you don’t believe me, just ask his siblings…
I have observed even more disturbing things. When the older kids, especially his most favorite child—AS—blatantly dis their mom right in front of him, he does not stop and rebuke them, tell them to honor their mother and does not defend her. Kids obviously and openly disrespect her because they know that this will please their dad to some degree. The spiritual damage this does to the kids, in order to give his wife a hard time, is very wrong and deeply concerning to me! OS obviously and purposely avoids disciplining them, not to become the “bad guy” to the kids. If their mom is mostly the one that disciplines the kids, not him (but instead showers them with gifts), then she becomes the good parent and VS the bad parent. He rewards the kids’ bad behavior. This is what VS says happens and I’ve seen it myself. Also, and ironically, he has told her that it was her responsibility to work out everything in the home, including kids’ development and rearing (and his was now in church), while he is actively taking down her authority in the kids’ eyes. Speaking negatively about her to the kids, so they would not listen and respect her. If he is insisting that he should be mostly “hands-off” at home, and requiring her to raise them by herself while at the same time destroying her authority, how in the world is she even able to successfully do this? I’ve only said the general facts here, VS can get into more detail for you. I have seen time and time again that he does not support her in parenthood or defend her when they cruelly disrespect her right in front of him. Unless she points that out to him, or I am around. But when it comes to some of the kids he really doesn’t like, he treats them harshly to the extreme.
One of those kids is VOS. I go into much more detail on this in AS’s letter, but I will briefly say here that if VS did not think fast on her feet, support her and take care of her biggest need last year, VOS would have ran away from home because of how her dad was treating her. Especially in the neglect of her transportation. He bought AS 3 cars (with crooked ways…) in a short space of time, but purposely avoided getting one for VOS when she desperately needed one for work. VOS heartbreakingly said, “I don’t see that my needs are cared for at home, so I will go to the world to see if it is nicer to me.” VS had to act fast because if something big was not done for VOS right then, they would have lost her. As I mentioned earlier, OS frequently throws in my face that he has helped me with cars, bringing it up as proof that I’m not grateful, whenever I speak out against his wrongdoings. So to me, the solution was simple: let VOS have my car. The car he helped me obtain. I spoke to VS about this idea and she agreed, but did not want me to gift it to . Instead sell it for dirt cheap, since it was all she could do. (Gifts can go unappreciated sometimes, but if she puts some money into it, she’ll value it better.) So for VOS’s 18th birthday, I sold her the red Camry for very cheap, which she made payments on. This was a blessed decision to us all. To VOS, who said only mom (and auntie) cared enough about her to fill this big need. It was a good deal to me also, since OS reminds me of it often and holds it over my head. So, I gave it back to him. That is, back into his household, his child. I returned him the favor—now he doesn’t have to buy her a car. To VS, a big peace of mind that VOS stayed at home. I went to my dad’s property and borrowed one of his older clunky cars, as I worked towards my new one without the help of this Indian giver (someone who gives something to get something back later).
3. OS. A very talented and crafty showman. I would only be one person among many to nominate him for a certificate of incredible two-faced hypocrisy. And strange behavior that confuses the kids and shows them bad examples. Just one example is that night when he kicked me out loudly and cruelly, the kids were staring at him in shock. They were so disturbed that even the teen boys were defending me. OS was literally throwing my stuff out the back door. Not one week after that, my father came over to their house, so I stopped by as well. Interestingly, my father has the same experiences with two his non-Christian brothers-in-law. He is close to his sisters in Bellingham and goes there often to visit them and some part time work. Two of his sister’s husbands are not Christian and every time they are home when my father comes over, they kick him out. My dad was complaining about this and OS told him, “If they are kicking you out from their house, come into mine! You are welcome here anytime and may stay as long as you want.” When I heard this, I could not help but laugh out loud, because of how harshly and forcefully OS threw me (this man’s daughter) out of his house not one week before that. OS suddenly went super quiet…realizing that I caught him being two-faced. Again.
One Tuesday afternoon last summer I came over to visit VS after work. She was on the back patio, scrubbing some seats. I sat on the patio couch and was chatting with her. I have not seen OS yet that day at all, and don’t think he knew I was there. The back door suddenly bursts open, OS basically storms out of there super angry. He was dressed up and going to the elders’ meeting. I don’t know why he was so angry, but he was soooo angry that even he could not contain himself. Walked down the few steps and down the walkway towards the garage. About 10 feet away a few chickens were grazing the grass. OS took his keys and violently threw them at the chickens and yelled “How I hate when these animals are not in their cages!” They flew a few feet away from him. He picked up his keys and did it again. Picked up his keys, and again threw them at the chickens, all the way down to the chicken house. I stared at VS with probably square eyes. She casually glanced over at him, waved it away and told me, “Eh, nothing new.” Nik. came out of the house and OS told him, “Гони ціх зверей! І лупи їх. Лупи і не жалей! Nik. started copying his dads behavior, throwing things and scaring the poor chickens until OS left. It made me think of Proverbs 12:10. I wonder, pastor…if OS ever appeared at the elders meeting in that scary=angry state? Probably not, but changed into his “charming, humble public persona”. The elders would have been disturbed by that anger if they saw it. There are more examples like this, but the point is the same.
After he became deacon, his pride skyrocketed, and he began engaging in “elitist behavior”. But his actions, when away from church, is directly opposite from the job description of a deacon. When he threw me out like trash from his house violently that night, he told me what kind of a horrible person I was because of some old, long-forgotten sins of mine. (About 10 years ago, I had some alcoholic drinks during some very difficult, low on faith & hope times in my life). This has not been present in my life for about ten years or so. He reminded me of that old sin that I actually went through confession with a pastor for, forgot about and have never repeated again. But OS dug themm up and threw them in my face as proof of how horrible and evil of a person I am.
I don’t think I’ll be mistaken in saying this, pastor, isn’t this in complete violation of what is acceptable and expected of a deacon? They are supposed to help, build people up, are they not? Help guide people spiritually, correct? Or dig up old sins? Tear into people with cruel words because of some old and buried sins? But when I tried to rebuke him for his CURRENT horrible doing wrongs, he is completely uncappable of accepting any criticism of his wrongdoings. One of them is his intense hatred for me, that he can’t even hide anymore. He cant stand to look at me in church, so he just doesn’t show up there sometimes. For example, sometimes he would get dressed for church on Sunday morning, even wake up the boys, telling them, “you must be in church today.” But when church time arrives, he’s the one never showed up. Then comes home, still dressed up as if he was just in church but said that he watched the church service on his phone. Now, what kind of an example is that to his kids? How does it help build them up, spiritually? In church, he preaches about how words have power. “Be careful with your words!” says OS. At home, he uses those word to shred his wife to pieces. This is the kind of two-facedness that does not motivate people to attend church… Do you remember seeing me in church when he was appointed deacon? Probably not because I wasn’t there. And I wasn’t there because I did not agree or support OS becoming a deacon, as I felt he did not qualify. I saw the person he hides behind his masks and “Christian displays” and was in no way going to support that. I took a shift at work and worked that day.
Despite all this, I do not hate him. I pray for him because he is exhibiting many signs of a tortured soul. He is struggling spiritually, with a powerful darkness he cannot overcome so he covers it up with a very charming, innocent, humble and convincing show, especially to the elders of the church. There must be a serious disturbance, pain, unrest and issues deep inside his heart, because no normal person would treat another person the way he has treated me many times. No normal person would ever think about hurting another person if all was normal, in place, and healthy in his hearts. People who cause pain to others, themselves have great pain hidden in their hearts. He needs serious spiritual help and for that I pray for him. I don’t want any brother to be overtaken by the devil and perish. But the more time passes by, the more I think of OS, “Who is this person?!”
4. You. The rest of the elders in the church’s leadership group, sure, but especially you, pastor VO. Why? Because OS uses your name as a tool, a fear and manipulation tactic against VS, me and some of his kids. When he kicked me out that night, he threatened me that he will call VO and he will tell me to never come to this house again. I remember Vad.S saying, when the kids discussed this later, “Wow, VO supports this? Why would I even take baptism in this church?” And even though Vad.S has turned on me now to get help from his dad with fixing his new car, and turned on his mom, he still does not want to be a part of this church as a member. He says if he takes baptism, with will be elsewhere. OS successfully belittled and diminished your authority and respect on their eyes.
He escapes home responsibilities to the point of even kids noticing and saying, “Dad just cares about the church. What he can do for the church and how he can impress VO, he doesn’t care about what we need. I can’t believe VO is ok with stuff like this.” I personally overheard this conversation by the kids and told them, “No, don’t write off the pastor like this so quickly. I personally heard him admit in a sermon that he regrets that because he was so involved his church, he overlooked his kids, lost time with them and then lost them, in some ways. So if pastor VO knew this was happening again, in his church, under his approval, I don’t think he would stand for this.” And the kids decided that the pastors probably do not know the full extent of the damage done to the family due to their dad’s absence and lack of involvement. OS recently asked me to do another church form for him, which I had to refuse because it adds to this family problem. As it is now, I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, pastor, but you and his status in church have become his idols and biggest priority of all.
5. And me. One of my worst fears, that I cannot handle seeing is young moms dying and leaving her kids to the wolves of the world. If you don’t believe anything else I’ve said, please, please believe just this one thing, for your own sake: the kind of heart wrenching, grievous experience we went through after our mom died, and the kind of life we suffered afterwards—you do not want to have any amount of responsibility in! VS is following in our mom’s footprints to an early death, step in step, if her life continues this way. I feel my childhood trauma resurfacing in the possibility of her dying early, like my mom. You don’t think it’s possible? From my view, it is very possible, if deliberate effort and steps are not taken to prevent it. It has happened before, and it can happen again! If VS’s mom’s history and OS’s dad’s history are any predictors of the future then this is the picture that lays ahead: she gets neglected, oppressed and abused to the point of her breaking down in every way, losing her health and dying. Leaving kids on their own. And him? He will be sad for a bit, yes. Shed two weeks of real tears, followed by a few months of crocodile tears (fake tears), then say, “Oh well, it happens. Life must go on, right?” Then he will go on to remarry and continue to rain his narcissistic abuse (because he cant help it), play his narcissistic games on the next wife. But wait…don’t like wife #2? No problem, ditch her and go get wife #3. Like his dad….and let’s all still go to the same church together. But VS will be gone, the kids won’t have a mom, and their dad will be off enjoying his own private life somewhere. Not a picture anyone wants to see again.
And I will be shattered once more. If a tragedy like this happens, if VS dies early, too, I can honestly tell you that I don’t think I would be able to handle it very well, at all…I will probably crumble all over again. And whatever will be left of me will be running after those kids and picking up the pieces of their lives for the rest of my life. To help them through it. To piece back together their lives, so they don’t suffer the way I suffered. So they don’t experience what we went through after our mom died. I know I will most likely throw myself in the last place, again (that is both my strength and my weakness) and put them first. And that is not fair—that is not what the rest of my life should look like. With God’s help, it has taken me years to put my life back together and with God’s help build a beautiful future. Another tragedy like this will most likely derail it all over again and the devil knows it. He is working triple time to make it happen because he knows that I can do a lot of good for God and His children. I deeply feel that there is a reason why God have given me this knowledge about how to reverse cancer. He has a wonderful work for me, through which more people can come to Him, and the enemy is trying to destroy it. Even using the people closest to me.
Generally, I am a very patient and a long-suffering person. So after a while, when I finally do speak out against somebody else, it is for a darn good reason. I don’t like to fight, and I love peace and harmony, so I tend to overlook offences for a long time. Just let things go. But even in long suffering there comes a point of when enough is enough. Everyone has a threshold of how much cruelty they can take and see. People mistaken our kindness and patience as an endless free pass. As permission for bad treatment. Our meekness for weakness. Social shyness for unsmarts. Our generosity for someone to endlessly use. Our long suffering for someone easily fooled. When we suffer in silence, they think we are just naïve. But make no mistake about it, just because someone doesn’t verbalize something, it does not mean they don’t see right through it. I am not a public speaker, I like to think. To observe, not speak. And to read. Because of their misjudgment and pride, they try to use you until there is nothing left to use. Or until they are done with you and just toss you out like nothing. As in the case with OS and my sister-in-law.
I will share something with you about my lovely sister-in-law, KD, that you may not know. Why? Two reasons. One, in order to defend the wonderful natural cancer therapy, the knowledge of true healing, given to us by God. Why KD has not fully recovered, when she had the opportunity to as well, similarly to NG. And two, because in our last meeting (when we talked about NG) you said that you are in communication with her brother TS, and that both you and TS were confused as to why KD would put her sick body through a stressful move from Portland to South Carolina. I may have an answer for you to that question.
Quick recap, when I came on the scene with the Gerson Therapy in September, 2018, KD had a two-week to one month to live. No one had any hope it would work, but I insisted that based on the multiple success stories I have read of patients who were in the latest-stages possible and still recovered. That we cannot give up until we have tried everything, and if we haven’t tried this, we haven’t tried everything. She agreed, and after a few months of constant hard work, her condition began to turn around seemingly miraculously. She did so well that she was completely pain-free, no oxygen, no medications, and finally slept all night without interruption. She was so happy, that when the medical supply company came to haul her hospital bed and equipment away, KD blessed that bed, saying, “may whoever lays on that bed, not die, but recover like me.” By Christmas that year got her color back, put on weight and had so much energy that she felt like she is 100% well again. She was Emmanuel church main choir pianist, which she said was very demanding task. Four months after receiving a 2 week prognosis, she enthusiastically played the piano for 5 Christmas songs on stage again. She wasn’t 100% well yet, according to Dr. Donato, but she insisted on living like she was and began to do a lot of work, waste precious energy needed for healing, against my objections. She told me it is her household and I have to listen to what she says and only do the work she doesn’t want to do, or too tired to do. So basically, it turned out that I have left my life in Spokane to do this the right way, and after she got a little better, she was UNDOING that progress. I was now expected to sit around doing nothing until there is something she doesn’t want to do? I can’t work a regular a job there because you never know when I will be needed at home, when she doesn’t feel well again, and I can’t do the therapy work that I was there to do in full extent.
This went back and forth for a few months. She had a very effective sweet and sly way of convincing and manipulating LD against his better judgement. KD tried to convince LD that the doctor specifically told her that she can do housework if she is not tired. I insisted that he didn’t. To resolve this little dilemma, I scheduled a short Q&A appointment with the doctor so that LD can be present and hear it for himself from the doctor. She really tried to avoid the appointment, but when it came, the doctor proved her wrong right in front of LD that she is to do no amount of work for at least a year. This, however, did not stop her determination to do housework. I caught her waking up in the middle of the night and stealing work when she thought I was asleep. Stealing work?? Who ever heard of such a thing…? But she did and it was not acceptable as it was undermining her healing progress and slowing down further healing. Again, I insisted against it, and she began to behave very unreasonable and territorial ways. Stating that she is the homemaker there and I have taken over her territory. Silly, I know. but it didn’t stop. Bottom line was, if the therapy was not being done properly, I was wasting my time. I was told quite a few times that if I am not willing to do things KD’s shortcut ways, not following the doctors order, then I can just leave! Get out and go back to Spokane. I was literally kicked out a few times for wanting to do things the right way. Apparently, KD has had enough of my insisting we follow doctor’s orders to the last letter (I mean, come on, this is cancer, not the flu), so they called two pastors to the apartment to “put N. in her place.” After hearing out both sides, LD and KD received a very stern verbal beating from AV and PG for their bad treatment to their free helper.
I said, “Uuh… #1) my place is back home, in Spokane, but I’m here helping you guys. #2) If we are doing this huge thing, we must do it correctly, or she will not get fully well and all the time, efforts and money of everyone and there was A LOT of it, will have been for nothing. I quit my job in Spokane, moved myself here to do the heaviest lifting of the therapy. I literally do 9-12 hours of backbreaking work a day for her, to do this therapy exactly right. Then I go work my part time job so that I can still be financially independent, still pay my own bills and not be any kind of financial burden my brother. And happy to do it! All I asked for in return from them are just two things: cooperation and patience. To which they agreed. We have achieved amazing success so far and she is doing things that undoing this progress. She feels good, but it is as deceptive as warmth is early spring. It feels good, but if you don’t wear a jacket/take precautions, you will get sick. She needs to build on top of his progress, not spend/waste it and the cancer will get worse again. I cant just sit around here idly for the random unpredictable times she needs me to do a little of the work, and because of that I cant have my own life and job.”
PG told KD that he can relate with me. He told a story about his wife having surgery and wanting to resume housework too soon against doctor’s orders. And when no one was looking, she too began to steal work and ripped open a lot of internal stitches. She had to be rushed back to the hospital, opened up again, and get the ripped stitches. And said, “KD, you absolutely have to listen to N. about this, and if you don’t, she will tell us and we will come again and set you straight! Ok?” AV told me, “N., if they kick you out one more time, you have to go! Even if job isn’t finished and goal not yet accomplished. You just have to pack up your stuff and leave. We are ordering you to do that.” I told them, “Ok. but…I promised God I would give it two whole years.” He said, “Well, a что если не принимается? Если не принимается you are released from your promise.” They apologized to me for the bad treatment of me by one of their church members. I said, “Ok, that is what I needed to hear—released from that promise.” And that’s exactly what happened. It was quiet for a few weeks and KD followed doctor’s orders for a bit, then the same happened again. The next time these arguments arose about rest and work and I was told, “Be gone within 24 hours!” It was most difficult, but I remembered and listened to the pastors. The next morning, KD woke up to a U-Haul truck standing at the front door. I rented a U-Haul, rented a dolly to put my red car on the back of the U-Haul, packed my room, prepared ahead as much I could for KD’s therapy, and hit the road back to Spokane. KD was shocked that it actually happened. Well, be careful what you wish for, sister, because you just might get it…
But I was not happy about going, I cried almost the whole way back to Spokane. And when I left, I only told 3 people when and how I left. Nobody else needed to know. I sent the same message to PG to inform the pastors how my time there ended. To her sister, Lena, so that she (and their family) can take over. And to her father, so that he knows the truth of what happened. He replied to me that he never knew there was any trouble at all. KD has told him everything is going smoothly and beautifully. He was shocked and apologetic of his daughter’s treatment of me. I don’t know how it got out, but somehow this story got out in Emmanuel church in Portland. And instead of the sympathetic looks and adoration that KD used to get from people in the church (especially after her amazing turnaround), she was now getting side glares of disappointment and disapproval. To the point of telling LD that she is not able to stand it anymore. She did not want to go to the church anymore not to get those looks. People stopped talking to them and avoided them. She told LD she wanted to move to South Carolina with the rest of her side of the family. So after the last meeting we had to discuss NG, I actually called my brother with the question of why they made the move to South Carolina, and he told me about the above. It got too unbearable for them to be in Emmanuel church because the story about “what happened to N.” got out and KD did not like the vibes and treatment she was getting from people in church.
Later that year, KD told VS, “I regret treating N. that way. The problem is, that I have always had a big pride problem that I cannot overcome. And I have never been good at following instructions of other people, no matter if it is important to. So, I think God is trying to break that in me and remove it. I know I hurt N. so much for doing me good because of my pride issue. I confess, I deeply regret it and wish N. was still here, I would treat her much better.” VS was surprised she was so open and honest she was about that. But this summarizes the reason for failure not only in KD, but in NG. Pride! It seems like they would rather die than humble their pride enough to accept and listen to instruction enough to save themselves. It’s like God is telling them, “Lay down your pride, or lay down your life.” I believe something similar is going on with OS as well. Not with physical, but a spiritual illness. It is said that tumors are the cancer of the physical body. Fear is the cancer of spirit. And pride is the cancer of the soul! It is nothing to play with. In my experience, people like KD and OS think so highly of themselves, that the only way they view other people like me and VS are as tools for them to use, and then toss away. And if you don’t take such treatment, then you are simply thrown out with the trash. But you know what I say to that? “Go ahead and treat me that way, but remember, my Redeemer lives and my Defender is Strong!” I turn to Him for help when you think I’m doing nothing about it.
I have no problem spending hour after hour with my face on the floor, weeping and begging God for help. I know He will come through and deliver me from the grasp of any enemy. I know God hears my prayers, because I already have so much proof of that. Because I strive to live in such a way that He is willing to hear me. I try to have a pure heart in everything. If I do something for you (generally), I do it for YOU, Not what I can get from you at some point, but fill your need and disappear. Unlike OS, who is so often strategic and calculating in his ways, fake & superficial in his words, and keeps track of his good deeds and later comes around to collect something in return. That behavior is disgusting to me. Not one of a honest Christian. I sharply went from a “best kind of a friend”, “a wonderful sister”, “an awesome Christian”, “a part of my family” to absolutely nobody at all. Worse—an enemy—in a matter of seconds. How can that happen? It happens when he never meant those words in the first place. Just as Jesus said, “with their lips they praise me, but their hearts are far.” I have definitely experienced this and VS experiences it every day! She works hard enough for 10 slaves. But when he deigns to grace her with his haughty presence, he just throws her a few empty words of “good job!” and disappears. Instead of rolling up his sleeves and helping her in the heavy workload that she carries almost all on her own every single day. What are those sweet, fake words to her? Only an insult, I assure you.
Instead of helping her pull kids from the world, he’s often the one that pushes them to the world because of his mistreatment and injustice. And VS has to put in even more effort and hard work in correcting and compensating for cruelty and neglect of certain kids so she doesn’t lose them. The low amount of strength she has left oftentimes, she has to expend on problems created by OS that should never have happened. Her last energy on pulling VOS back from running to the world because of his insults. Is this acceptable work of a deacon? This was so heartbreaking to watch, but I am not qualified enough to say anything to him about his bad deeds. Maybe I am not qualified, fine, but his wife should be. His pastors should be. How much longer can a rotten character hide behind a glowing mask? A Christian exterior. He doesn’t have to take seriously my disapproval and disappointments of detrimental and unchristian behavior, but he should take VS. If he did, I promise and assure you pastor, OS and you, would never have heard from me about any of this. But he has been like that member of the community who does not listen to one brother, two brothers or a whole group of community members. Therefore, I am very glad this matter has finally been brought to you to weigh out.
OS says that I try to give him/them marriage advise while I am not qualified, due to not being married. As I have said many times, I am not offering marriage advice from the angle of a married person, but only pointed both of them in a direction to those individuals who do qualify to give marriage advice. Pastors who give sermons on that topic, and counseling on a regular basis, like David Wilkerson. Another one of those people is Dr. Tony Evans of Dallas, Texas. His many sermons have greatly helped me get through some of the hardest times I had in Vancouver, caring for KD. There were many days where I would listen to up to 10 hours of his sermons a day, which kept me spiritually uplifted, encouraged and inspired every day. One of Dr. Evan’s big themes are family dynamic in the Kingdom of God. And as a single lady, I was curious about what he had to say about being a “Kingdom Wife”, a “Kingdom Husband”, a “Kingdom Marriage”, a “Kingdom Family”, “Kingdom Kids”, etc. These are the sermons that I particularly brought to VS’s attention. And from them, VS deducted that how OS treats her is not only not-Biblical, but in many times is brazenly against Gods instructions to husbands and leaders of their own kingdoms, their households. How he illegitimately oppresses her, abuses her, and abuses his own position. And this is what VS referred to on the topic of marriage counseling. It never came from me, personally. And Dr. Tony Evans is not just “for women”, he also says strange things like “wives should call their husband lords…” Then adds, “but that means he should be leading his household soooo good, that she would love to call him lord.” I have heard all his sermons on this subject. My favorite? Kingdom Single! Because I have seen how short OS falls incredibly in his role and responsibilities to his family and especially his wife, in front of God. If going by his example…there’s not much to look forward to there.
And who introduced me to Dr. Tony Evans? VS! Doesn’t that just come full circle? Without even knowing much about him and his ministry. Shortly before I moved to Vancouver, VS just told me, “I was recommended to listen to his sermons because they are so good and relevant to our lives today. I don’t have much time to listen, so here, you listen and let me know what he says since people say he is soooo good.” That’s exactly what I did. And amazingly, some things not only proved relevant, but prophetically surreal to VS’s life, but to mine as well. When I started listening to him, the first sermon I heard was on the story of Esther. How she was placed in her position “for such a time as this.” And he said to the audience, as if speaking to me, “You, too, God may place in a particular position, in a specific time ‘for such a time as this,’ For whatever He is planning to do through you—if you let Him.” It was a good sermon but I didn’t know how relevant is was going to be to me until I got to Vancouver and worked on KD’s therapy. Several of her family, especially her married sister’s, have told me, “God probably opened your mind, opened your heart and kept you single for such a time as this. To do this work for KD. Because as we are seeing everyday, none of us who are tied up with marriages, kids and commitments would be able to do what the therapy requires. So, God probably saved you for this specific time.” Then, even before this, KD told me something similar. During several of the daily procedures where I was draining the fluid out from around her lungs. This procedure took time. From setting up a sterile field, to slowly drain the fluid (without her fainting), to cleaning up afterwards. KD told me, “Тебя прям Бог послал для этого! Even if someone else could do this every day for me, there is nobody I know that would have the strong stomach for it.” And I suddenly remembered my first Dr. Tony Evans sermon about Esther: for such a time as this.
Pastor, I sincerely hope that due to the length of this letter, you do not get the impression that I am trying to pull you, or anyone over to my side, but to have more info to accurately discern the right from the wrong in this whole situation. OS says things like “taking sides” and “you can keep your truth, and I’ll keep my truth.” I don’t believe in your truth, my truth, I believe in THE Truth! That is, God’s truth. I like Dr. Tony Evan’s definition of “The Truth”, which is: what God thinks and says about any matter. In my view personally, I don’t think pastors should take any side, but be neutral. Be above it, so that they may judge fairly. I image that because OS is in your church elders’ group, he probably holds more “weight” in your eyes… But I sincerely plead with you to consider everyone’s angle and experience in this situation. Forgive me for speaking so boldly, but as a fellow sister-in-Christ, do I not have a right to speak my grievances to my pastor and for them to be considered, as well? To seek help and protection against unacceptable mistreatments by one of your own, no? Please take these pleadings from me as you would of any other member in your congregation. Forget that I am just one of the “least of these” here (and happy to be so, as long as there is no pride and selfishness rotting in the heart), but accept this as one of the sheep in your flock that is seriously hurting because of all this.
In summary, my aim, all that I want in this is for my sister to not only to stay alive for the kids who need her (who want her) but finally be treated right, as she deserves. Especially by him. Maybe he doesn’t have much concern for VS leaving this Earth too early, but I certainly do! And cannot turn my back on a crumbling, overly exhausted mom-of-10! What would be easier, and more comfortable, to help her in her distress now or to look into the eyes of the orphans she leaves behind, knowing that we could have done more for them all? If you ever get the chance to see photo compilation video about our mom’s death and all the grief, remember, it barely scratches the surface of what we went through at that time and for many, many years afterwards. And that’s what I’m scared to death of, and want to prevent from happening in this family as well. OS says I have no business in being a close support and confidant for her, but does he not address the fact that if he was that for her, I never would be. I wouldn’t have to be. It is not strange that I support, help, encourage and honor my sister so much, it is strange that her own husband does not. I have heard plenty of fake apologies from him (not backed up by actions after), so the only time I will ever believe he is truly sorry is when VS believes he is truly sorry to her. Why? Because the true measure of a person is not how you treat others, but how you treat your самий ближний person. If she believes it, then I know I can.
Thank you so much for your attention, time and efforts in all of this. Forgive me for grammar errors. If anyone wishes to do some research into Narcissism and how much their victims suffer, I recommend these books to begin with.