Dear Josh,
Let me start off with telling you a little about me so that you understand why this “unimportant” person is writing you this letter. My name is Bridget Colbert. I was raised as Bridget H****. . Life was different back then. You see, I too was raised in a home with dominant Christian values. I was raised a Pentecostal. I had hair down past my bum, wore long skirts, wasn’t allowed to watch Television, wear make up, and the list goes on! As a child, I wore skirts to swim in while other girls wore swim suits. I was constantly asked by other kids “why do you wear dresses all of the time?”. It wasn’t until Junior High that I got to live a little. I tell you this to let you know I was a lot like you, your family, & your victims. To kids today, this seems like a not so great childhood, but what happened behind closed doors was much worse. In the place where I should feel the safest, I wasn’t. (Kind of like your sisters). It’s quiet embarrassing (and I only tell my story so that it may help other victims), but I peed in the bed way past the normal age of the usual adolescent bed wetting. I can remember being around the age of 9 the last time I had what my mom thought was “an accident”, but the truth is – it was much easier to sleep in my own urine than to face “him” if he heard me in the night. I finally learned how to be extra quiet. My earliest memory is in my toddler years and my latest was early teen years. You can see a little more of what I deal with today and how I deal with it in a little rambling I did HERE.
Today I am the mother to 4 beautiful daughters. They rang in age from 10 months to 10 years old. I recently made the decision to finally tell my oldest two a little about my past. I have sheltered them because I have always been scared they would run into someone like “him”… someone like you. I wanted them to know that the world can be a great place, but it’s not always rainbows & butterflies and when it rains… mommy is here! I wanted them to know that if anything ever did happen… I would be here… I would fight for them… I would protect them.
I was always scared to tell an adult about my abuse. You see, my abuser hid behind the church & still does. He preaches the gospel. To me, he was who I looked to to instill my beliefs in God & his word. Kind of like you and your family have been a platform for Americans and have had a much larger audience to impact.
I have been away from this abuser since my early teens, but I still see his life. I know about how he preaches about God and his word… and I would lie if I didn’t say it makes me bitter. Naturally, I pray and ask God “Why does he get all of these luxuries?”. The time his new house & his pretty horses showed up on my Facebook timeline…. I thought I would loose it. (No we are not Facebook friends). I again asked God “why?”. When I have had nothing, but a life of struggles… often live pay check to pay check and dream of owning a home half the size one day.
I then prayed and put my faith back in God and know that one day he will stand before him. I have to believe that. My struggles on earth will be minimal to his struggles in eternity. That being said, is it crazy I wish for him to ask for Forgiveness and not live an eternity of hell that the Bible describes?
I just wish people like him… people like you… wouldn’t give those of us with real Christian values a bad name.
Let me stop for a second to say… as an adult I have found my happiness as a non denominational Christian. I don’t attend church regularly and I hate that. My life is just crazy busy and that’s no excuse. I need to make the time to go. I very much believe in God & raise my daughters to do the same. My oldest dreams of being a missionary one day. We say our prayer EVERY night while holding hands and end them with “We love you Jesus… Good night Jesus”. My car radio stays on the local contemporary Christian channel. I do my best to be kind to everyone and display myself as a Christian woman. I know I am not perfect. I am human and although I have tried… I hold one grudge in life.
This brings me back to you, unlike my abuser I understand that you were a teenager. That’s no excuse. Abuse is abuse. Like me, your victims will have to live with it for the rest of their lives. You don’t need me to tell you how wrong it is… the world is doing it for me. What I do want to say is, I commend you for being honest! I want to say Thank you for telling the truth. I want to say Thank you for coming forward. I want to say Thank you for apologizing to your victims. This is a huge deal in their healing. I also want to say that people can change… that I believe that. Thank GOD I am not the same girl I was when I was 14 and dealing with issues from my abuse. Thank GOD I grew up & have become a better woman because of it. Thank GOD for Forgiveness.
I can tell you that my abuser still denies my abuse. It feels like I am being abused each time. I can tell you that he has never said “Sorry!”. It’s much easier to deny it than to face the world or people looking down on him. Instead, it’s completely fine with him if people doubt me. (Those that really know me… know I am telling the truth). I honestly dream of the day he calls me just to say “I am sorry!”. Oh the healing I could do with that! He was recently on his death bed. I called my mother crying… “I will never have my closure”… “I will always be doubted”. I told my mother that I always hoped he would call… even if it’s just a conversation between just him and I… even if it’s conversation that he states he would deny if I ever told anyone… just one call to say “I am sorry!”. My abuser miraculously bounced back from this near death experience. As a matter of fact, they call it a miracle. I want to believe that God gave him one more chance to make amends.
After all of this, I still believe in God. I can only hope that people you have touched through your ministry do the same.
Your “sorry” and openness with your victims gives me hope. I want to say Thank you for that! I truly hope and pray you have changed…. and that your story encourages other abusers to give their victims the same closure!
Sincerely,
Bridget
