Ok, so this story starts two years ago from now. I fell in love with the most perfect person, The love of my life and even now when its done and over looking back I cant say we were ever unhappy or that I would of ever in a million years would of seen this coming.
We had the perfect love story but sadly tragedy felt like it was right around the corner for us as I was due to be leaving for university and after many talks and tears we were not willing to give each other up. Our love for each other was so strong that nothing could change that. We planned to be apart for that one year as he was due to go to university the following year which I had even found a course in the neighbouring city which he thought was perfect for him and despite whatever odds we did it. We talked everyday, used skype, every holiday in between the terms we lived together as I no longer had a home in the city we had lived in before, everything seemed to be so perfect. The day I finished my first year and was flying home I was over taken with happiness, happiness that I was going back to start the first day of the rest of my life with the person that I loved and nothing was ever going to make us be apart again.
That summer was like a waiting game, both excited for our new lives and being together forever.... We had made it and had a wonderful life together ahead of us.
My boyfriend talked of us getting married in years to come and that he wanted us to move back home to raise our children in the future. He talked of us having children a lot actually saying he wanted a son to carry his name. On our first weekend moving over he had just flew a few days ago and came down to visit me for the first time. I took him to places I thought he would like, we went for coffee and had a really fun day, high of happiness and talks of our future. He told me how he wanted to take more photos of us to make photo albums so that we would look back on these happy times in years to come.
The second weekend which he had now been moved over a week I began to see a change in him, he seemed very cocky about himself but that faded though out the night and he was himself again. He was tired and hungover as he had spent his first week doing freshers which I was happy about when he telling me about all the new friends he had made, I was glad to see he was fitting in well and not missing home. During the next week he was still partying pretty hard and told me on the phone that he cant wait for me to meet his new friends and how he was telling one of them about me. About how he knows that I am the one for him and how after everything we are still together and crazily in love "Thats how I know that she is the one" was on the lines he said, another line he said the week before the break up was "Do you really think I would ever break up with you after doing long distance, what would of been the point in that?".
The next weekend we planned to head out for a few drinks with my house mates, a night I will never forget. The night started off with him telling my house mates how I was the best thing that had ever happen to him, how I had saved him from a road of drug taking and the partying life style etc he talked in front of everyone about our future and how happy we were. Things changed after we had went out that night, his ego was out of control, he talked down to my house mates like they were a piece of crap and he was above everyone and why would we choose to live here over the city he lives in. I asked him if he wanted to go home because he was clearly not enjoying himself, Inside I was angry and embarrassed of how he had just acted but over all I just felt sad because he was upset. We left to go home which ended up in me walking in front of him the whole way as he kept stopping to text on his phone. When we got home I kept asking him what was wrong, he wouldnt say, he just kept saying we would talk about it in the morning until finally he said it... "I don't want this anymore".
My stomach dropped but I thought he cant mean this he must just be drunk. That night followed with a lot of crying from me, me not understanding what was happening, was this just because he wants to free and single in a new city and wants to party hard? I still don't know. He still stayed over that night because he had no where to go, He put his arms around me though out the whole night, I lay there thinking would this be the last time we would ever be together again? That morning I sat up, he made some kind of small talk asking if I had slept well? I was hoping he was just going to tell me that what he said last night was a mistake and he was just upset over something stupid or something else. In a moment we both looked at each other and he took hand and said the words "I'm so sorry" and started to get up to leave. Tears were rolling down my face trying to ask why this was happening, he didn't cry... The only point he showed any emotion was when he said that he hoped he wouldnt regret this. He also said he still wanted me to be a part of his life and we would still be friends...
This happened five weeks ago now. I feel like my life is in pieces, my future has been taken from me, my life, my happiness has all been taken away from me. We still talk but I feel like its at a point that if i didnt make the effort to talk to him we wouldnt speak at all. I feel like i'm not allowed to feel sad because if I do he will disappear sooner and how long will it be until he is with someone else. My heart hurts 24/7 and the pain wont stop. How could everything just be thrown away and how could everything we had just be gone. It almost feels like person I loved has just disappeared and I dont know who he is now. I just want to get over it and forget about him but at the same time how can I let go of what I had when it was so perfect and everything that I had ever wanted...
If you can go a life time without feeling heartbreak you have won because nothing can be worst then the pain from this, my trust is gone, the feeling of being worthless and every weekend I now hate as i'm always thinking of how we would of been spending it together. I hate him but at the same time I cant. I want to cut him out of my life and never speak to him again but he to me is like a drug that I can not live without.
I have no idea what is next, I can only think more heartbreak as he moves on and forgets who I am. I need to be strong about this but it is so hard when the pain of it eats away at your everyday.
So much for my happily every after.