I don’t know why it’s hitting me right now. I usually don’t get so emotional about things because I’m not as expressive as I should be. I like to hide away and only show what I want people to see because I don’t like people seeing that side of me. The side that only one person has seen. That person being my best friend. But the thing is I can’t talk to my best friend about how I’m feeling since they’re the reason I’m so sad right now. We were so comfortable with one another. We could be a mess but would not even notice it because all we ever cared about was our company. How do you get to that level of closeness with another person? How do you replace that? Or develop another relationship as beautiful and understanding as the one before? I believe in soul mates but I also believe a soul mate does not have to be romantically involved. I believe you can have as many soulmates like my mother and my best friends. A soul mate is someone just like you yet can be different in another form. You can bond and vibe with a person differently. Through your whatever it is you connect. They understand you in a way no one else can. They are your person. I don’t mean that in a possessive way. They are someone who can read you even if you’re not an open book. My best friend is or should I say was my soul mate. My best friend was that person for me, my person, my soul mate. I don’t think it’s possible for someone else to fill that void in friendship. Only one person who was really my friend cared. No other friends care that much as close as you all think you are when it comes down to it only my best friend was my BEST friend, my soul mate. It’s really over and I wish it wasn’t but I have to find myself again without them. It hurts so much and I hate holding back my sadness but no one understands me, only they did. I don’t like showing anyone my emotions. I lost my best friend so I can’t express myself to them. I didn’t lose my best friend because they are still alive but why do I feel like I’m mourning them. I’m too prideful to talk to them because I’m the one who is hurt. I know there’s nothing more they’d want than my friendship back but if they really did they wouldn’t have let me go. They wouldn’t have abandoned me in my most difficult times. I came to the realization that I really don’t need anyone, especially someone who hurt me. I can be alone and not want to be around them or wonder what they’re doing. I can do it all myself. I will not say I no longer care but I will not spend time missing them. I will always care for them even if they don’t.
