My Best Friend
It was a cool evening in mid-January when my life would change forever. I found myself out in public under bright lights surrounded by people. I was feeling good; looking forward to what the new year would bring, but little did I know that before I would leave that place, the new year would take away something so special from me. I had missed a call. I like to think that I missed that call because destiny was allowing me to hold on for just a little longer. When I realized who the call was from, I smiled and promptly returned the call. On the other end was that something special I was referencing. Someone that had been in my life for a decade. Someone who I had built both good and bad everlasting memories with. This person had come into my life unexpectedly and was truly my first and to this day my only love. Although life didn’t pan out the way we both would have preferred it to, a special bond allowed us to remain friends. We would keep up with each other by occasionally conversating when we really didn’t have to, but to be honest, I never had the courage to end communication because I did not want to find out what life would be like without my distant best friend. Besides, hearing from this person brought me a sense of serenity and it felt as though I was still alive in their heart. As the phone rang I wondered what this person had to share this time. The conversation started off like many others, but I wasn’t ready for what I was about to hear next. There was a pause before I heard “I’m pregnant.” My heart immediately felt as though someone had squeezed it. I was shocked and I momentarily felt numb. With a knot on my throat I did my best to put on a show and pretend like everything was fine. I was aware that eventually, one of us was going to have something significant happen in our lives, but I clearly wasn’t ready for this. I mustered the kindest words that came to mind and reminded myself that I loved this person so much that all I wanted was for this person to be happy. After all, this person had always wanted to be a mom and now the opportunity had presented itself. I knew then that this conversation would be the last one we would share, so I picked my words wisely. As much as it hurt, I offered words of encouragement, I expressed my love, and gave thanks for being in my life for so long. I could hear whimpering on the other end of the phone and that was tearing at my heart. I know this person was aware that I was expressing my final words. With the same smile that I had when this scenario started, I said good luck and goodbye so that a new chapter in our lives could begin. As I made my way home after that call, my eyes were watery, but I wasn’t ready for things to sink in. I needed to find the right place and the right time where my emotions could come crashing down. I needed to wash away everything I was feeling, so when I finally took a warm shower, I also turned on the faucet to my eyes and allowed the water to wash away my tears. I asked myself why it hurt so much and now I come to realize it was because I was still in love and because me and this person never got to meet the child that we were once pregnant with. Aside from not meeting our child, I wouldn't change things because I rather be the recipient of this new development. I could only imagine how this person would have felt if I would have been the one to break the news that I was having a child with someone else. I suppose that's why part of me never truly wanted to move on with someone new because I didn’t want to hurt this person. I didn’t want to be the cause of any pain, so I guess it’s okay. Time will heal me and time will hopefully bring me a new best friend.
