I felt it as I grew up. I felt I was different. When I would spend my days with my grandmother and grandfather. When you gave up on my Dad and ran with another man. I was angry. I was angry that you gave up on me and my Dad. I was angry that you favored my younger siblings. I knew I was different than them. You made it clear. You favored them. Everything they did was like gold. They walked on water. I knew I was the result of an affair that you had with another woman’s husband. I knew you didn’t want me. But you had me anyway. My grandmother took over from there. She raised me. And for her, I am externally grateful.
I separated myself from you as the years went by. Why? Because you made it apparently clear that another man to run with was more important than your children. As we grew older, I went off to college. I came home one day and saw the divorce papers on the table. You kicked my Dad out. I was angry. You knew we loved our Dad and you did everything in your power to make us hate him. Well guess what, Mom? It didn’t work. Your pushing against him made me love him even more. Today, I have a relationship with my Dad. Your kids grew up over the years. Got married. Had children. Except for me. There were things I found more fulfilling than being settled down and being a parent. I did get married. But it was a doomed marriage. I guess I learned that from you. Cheating, lying. Yeah, I learned that from you. We divorced. Which in the long run, was the best thing to happen to me. I fell in love with another woman. We had a baby. The greatest gifts I have ever been given. I finally found my true happiness in life. I’m a husband, with a great wife. I’m a Dad. My world revolves around them. I finally have the family I so desperately wanted and needed.
You were there when my baby was born. My wife invited you into the room, even though she didn’t have to. She did. You stuck around for the first couple months of our baby’s life. You acted as though our baby was important, part of your life. Then you had another grandchild. Suddenly our child disappeared. Everything focused on the newest grandchild. It was like you went off and had a baby. You weren’t grandma to that grandchild. You were Mom. Yeah, you have 3 other grandchildren also besides our baby. And they seem to walk on water, like the newest grandchild. Our child doesn’t exist to you. We forced our way into your life for the first few years. We tried to make our child part of your life for 3 goddam years. It didn’t matter. Nothing we did made you love our child. Our child never was good enough. At birthdays and holidays, or visits; instead of talking about our child, everything shifted to your beloved other grandchildren. How special they were, what they’ve done. It was like our child didn’t matter.
Maybe you don’t mean to be like this? Maybe you purposely do it. I know you didn’t want me when I was born. And I’m sure it carried over as I became a parent. I see how you treat my wife. I know you go back to your other daughter in laws house and sit there and talk about her behind her back. I know you bad mouth her. I can assure you one thing. My wife is more than a wife and mother than you ever were. You treated my Dad like shit. You treated me like shit. Suddenly you become a grandmother and you’re portraying this perfect woman. I wish people saw you when you were younger. I wish people saw how you favor your other grandchildren. I wish you saw how much it hurts our child. But then again, I don’t think you really care. Our child isn’t good enough for you, otherwise you would try. And don’t even sit there and say that we never tried. We tried for 3 years. We got tired. We got sick of being compared. Why isn’t our child good enough for you? Is it because of me? Is it because you never wanted me? I have grown to despise you. THe way you treat my wife, is a disgrace. She has been nothing but good to you. She’s welcomed you into our home, invited you for dinner. Always an excuse from you. “ I need to go get your brothers kids.” Yeah, that’s always the excuse. I”m sorry “Mom.” But it’s time to let you go. If this is the way you choose to be, then so be it. We tried. We tried hard. I wish I could say that you gave the same effort. Enjoy acting like Mom and Grandmother of the year on social media. We know the truth. It’s too bad our child will never know you. Actually, it’s not bad. Our child has other family that adore her.
