I always thought it was me; I was the reason you left. Even though I blamed myself, I still waited for you. I waited to see if maybe, just maybe, you would pull into my driveway and apologize for all the lost time. You never did. Instead you fooled me. You made me come looking for you. Once I found you, I found out how you really were. You manipulated me. You hurt me. You hurt my siblings. You torn us apart just so YOU could be "happy." You left a hole in my heart, that nobody can ever heal. You made me believe that you were a good person, but in the end, you were just another member of Satan's clan. Instead of you being there, my siblings, friends, and parents of friends had to fill in your place and try to take your position because you were too lazy to step up to the plate of parenthood. I see teenage parents do a better job of taking care of their children then you ever did.
God blessed you with beautiful children, and you threw it all away. Your children were the best thing that ever happened to you, and you treated us like we didn't matter. What hurts the worst is you torn your children apart. You labeled each of your children, and left without a goodbye. Although I am the youngest, I'm not the only one you hurt. You dragged down my older siblings, but let me tell you, if it wasn't for them, or the strength they gave me, I would not be as strong as I am.
There isn't a day where I don't think of what life would be like if you were actually constant in my life and actually made an effort. I try to shut you out of my brain, but I can't help but wonder. You're the reason most of my tear stains are on my pillow and I hope to one day reach a point where I don't cry over you. I don't deserve to cry over someone who doesn't deserve me.
You have impacted me for the worst. You live your life and I sometimes wonder; do you even think of me? I wonder if you go to bed thinking if you miss your children and regret leaving. I spent every night of my childhood thinking would you ever come home. Every birthday I always imagined you walking in, surprising me, but was always let down. Do you realize how much you missed? First boyfriend, first heart-break, first school dance, first day of high school, mother-daughter shopping sprees, everything. You're even missing my high school graduation.
One day, I hope you wake up and realize how badly you messed up and how you're never gonna get us back. We're all going to grow up, start our own family, and our children are never gonna know who you are and to be honest, I'm perfectly fine with that. You don't deserve to know us or our children.
Lastly, I want to thank you. For making me who I am today. You made me stronger and to not trust everybody. For giving me my siblings. And for giving me one heck of an amazing dad.
Sincerely,
The Daughter Who's Better Off Without You.
