3+ years would be the most accurate description regarding the length of wasted and precious time in which I let one person utterly destroy me. Cripple me. Wreck my heart. Weaken my mind. And break my spirit. I let him abuse me so much more than just physically. I let him harm my only sense of self and inner peace. Intentionally, he emotionally drained me, so mercilessly, in an attempt to bring me down to a place as low as him. A place where there seemed to be no light. A place that I couldn't bear to imagine. Because of his cruelty and harshness- harshness that seemed to only present itself to me and no one else, I lost my way. I became someone who I could no longer recognize- timid, afraid, lost, confused, and ashamed. Ashamed that I gave someone enough power to permanently damage my rare heart. Through all of this sorrow, the only ounce of semblance that kept me going day by day was my sweet girl. Her smiles, her laughs, her "mama's," her beautiful, pure heart. She is my warm sun on a cold, rainy day. She is my precious, God-perfected, angelic, sweet, smart, and beautiful, little girl. She is the truest definition of love, itself, and is loved by me more than words. This perfect, precious angel - two imperfect halves of one precious, perfect whole, saves my life. Every single day. Her and her truest Creator. Our Lord and Savior. The only One who sees me in all of my deepest, darkest, desperation but still pulls me out of my sadness and then pulls my heart strings, Who still answers my most desperate, heart wrenching prayers, Who still loves me even when it seems like no one does, Who never lets me truly lose myself, because wherever I am, He is, too. So, no matter what I am so ruthlessly forced to emotionally and physically endure, I will never let those measly moments destroy me. I will never let them tear me down, the way one boy who I used to love with every single corner of my fragile, untouched heart and soul, tried to do. I will never let that make me a victim. I will always be strong and brave for my precious girl. I will never stop fighting to be her favorite role model and her biggest supporter and protector. I love her more than this life. More than this world. More than me. More than anything. She is my precious Chloe girl. And it is for her, and her alone, that I put aside everything else in this world to do all that I know, is right by her. She will always and forever be my reason for living, my reason for fighting, my hope, my smile, my heart, my sweet baby girl. Despite whatever endeavors (good or bad) that I have pushed through and will continue to push through, I know that I will continue to rise, no matter how much I may be knocked down. I will always, always, always fight for, defend, protect, and pray for the sweet sake of my sweet girl.
