Is love an utopia?

Subject: Is love an utopia?
From: Anthony Ardas
Date: 28 Dec 2017

I define myself as a fully gay man, I have been since I have memory and the biggest struggle of my life has been LOVE.

I only recall being in love once, probably still to that man, in a more platonic-first love kind of way, but it is a nail I still carry in my heart. It all ended up in an awful kind of way, it broke my heart and
and I have not recovered yet.

All my next attempts at finding love have been a replacement to replace the hole that person left behind.

As you can imagine it went awfully as well, they were not based on real feelings but as a painkiller to a much bigger pain.

When I thought I found someone pain, doubts and trust issues emerged...

I just hate it, I hate feeling this way. Is love real? Will I find love? I just want someone....