Life will never be easy, there are moments when the sun shines brightens upon my face and I accomplish several of the goals I set out for that day; I didn’t make a driving mistake on my way to school, completed my homework and aced a quiz or midterm, and was patient.
But there are also times where I feel like there is a whole that is eating me up inside. Those days where nothing goes right, where I feel alone, and like everything up until that moment of the day, has been a failure on my behalf. Where I have failed to be there for my friends in the ways they needed me. Instead of compassion I give judgment. Instead of giving them my time I give them excuses. Instead of telling the truth or doing what is best for them, I do what is the best for them to like me. With family instead of giving them my time I give them excuses. Instead of lending them my ear, I give them a mouth full of my opinions. Instead of walking away from disputes or insults, I put up a fight and argue back. Instead of patience, I give them anger and irrationality. As for strangers, instead of help, I keep on walking. It's in these moments where I question my strength and purpose the most.
And then I take a step back.
I REALIZE that I’m ONLY HUMAN.
Nothing I do will be perfect.
There WILL NOT be a day that goes by WITHOUT TRIALS.
I WILL NEVER BE PERFECT.
In humans there is no such thing as perfect.
And then I realize that I feel incomplete because I have failed to do one thing the most. I FAILED to REALIZE that the reason why I'm here, is not for me but for those around me and that God is the one that has the main authority in my life. And when I surrender it all to him, he shows me that it's okay.
Life will have struggles, I will FAIL, and feel like there is no way to get back up. But none of it defines me. What does define me is if I decide to get back up and how I react to the failures.
When I remember these things, I realize that though others may not have the same beliefs as me, these are what shape me to be me.
Then everything is fine once more as I rely on a little thing called faith. It's not something I can see or that is scientifically proven, it's something I find present in how I feel.
There is a smile, with hidden struggles every time it shows.
I DON'T think that it's me hiding my struggles and battles,
but a trophy of what I have overcome.
Sometimes I smile DURING the "BAD DAYS", not to hide my struggles, but to give strength to those around me and help them find a little thing called FAITH.
An Imperfect Human Being