From little sister to big

Subject: From little sister to big
From: Psstsister
Date: 28 Mar 2015

Something I've just read in one of these open letters really resonates: "I know these feelings will subside and I will look back on it and feel silly for letting it get to me so much but I just don't like the thought that two people I have been close to are giggling behind my back."
At the time the "have been close to" was replaced by "am close to". You were giggling with my best friend about me, and then neither of you would tell me what you were giggling about. It really is silly to worry, I know, and afterwards, you just clammed up and said it was a private conversation and my 'best friend' said she's sorry, but you asked that I should please not tell me, and so she felt she just couldn't.
From my side, I thought that was a betrayal, but she has since apologised. As for you, you never ask my forgiveness for any hurt you cause me. You deny that you hurt me. You reckon it's only me who ever hurts you. You can't see that my hurting you comes from retaliation, every single time. I love you still, but damn, it's fading. James Baldwin in 'Giovanni's Room' writes: "The heart grows cold with the death of love. ... (this process) is far more terrible than anything ... I will ever be able to say."