Dear my little bean,
You were only nine weeks along when you left us.. Only nine weeks along and I was so excited to meet you already. Your daddy decided to call you our little bean and that's what you were. Our growing little bean. But, for only a very short time.. Only thirty one more weeks and we would be up all night, making bottles and changing diapers. Only thirty one more weeks and I would have gotten to see that smile and those beautiful eyes that I knew you were going to have. Only thirty one more weeks and you would have been in my arms..
But, I will never get to wake up in the middle of the night to make you a bottle or change your diaper. I will never have the chance to know what kind of person you would have grown up to be. I will never get the chance to know if you had my brown eyes or dimples like your daddy. I will never know if I could have done anything different.. If I could have saved you.
If I could have saved you, we would be finding out what you were soon. If you were a boy, you would have been a baseball player just like your daddy. If you were a girl, you would have been our princess. Your daddy and I didn't care what you were. We would be announcing your arrival soon and everyone would be so excited to meet you. I know we were.
If I could have saved you, my heart wouldn't be so broken and your daddy wouldn't be hurting. If I could have saved you, there would be a smile on my face and a happy bean in my tummy instead of tears in my eyes..
But, since I couldn't save you, I just want you to know, wherever you are, mommy and daddy loved you and will continue to love you even though you aren't here with us, our little bean. I promise to be the best mommy in the entire world to your little brother or sister and never let them forever that they are just as loved you always will be.
I will always wonder who you could have been, if I could have saved you..
