To the guy I almost had.

Subject: To the guy I almost had.
From: The girl who was to shy.
Date: 20 Dec 2015

We started out as nothing but acquaintances. Then two years later it turned into hanging out with each other every night for months. It was wonderful. I miss that. I miss the late night trips for frappes at MacDonalds. I miss how easily I could talk to you, even if I couldn't drop the walls I built around myself. I miss your crazy faces and random dance attacks. I miss that you were there for me when I was at my lowest. You didn't know, but you saved me. You saved me from myself.
As college started again our lives drove us apart, but for months we tried to see if something would happen. But of course it was too hard. Of course it wasn't meant to work out. I knew from the beginning that we were doomed, but I wanted to try anyways. Because I liked you, even may have loved you. I've for so long tried to deny that, tried to convince myself that I kept my heart distance, you still you slipped through the cracks.
And I don't know how you felt about me because it was only a few short months ago that you walked out of my life. No more surprise visits from you after work, no more me coming over to cuddle with you. No more precious kisses that got my heart beating fast.
All to fast you came into my life, and even quicker you left me. You left me broken, and I hate that I got so low.
Since you came into my life I realized so much about me. I thank you for that, because you did change my life. I guess some people do only come into your life for a brief moment to change you. Because now we don't talk, and when you saw me at school you pretended not to. I saw you look over... I saw you ignore me. You didn't see the hurt it caused me. Because even two months after you left, I missed you so much.
I just want it to go back to how we were, because you were so good for me. But you were also so bad for me.