17th May 2016
I don’t know why I am writing this letter but I feel that it is something I need to do for myself to help me move on. I don’t even know if I will give this to you to read.
I can never describe to you and you will never know the pain that you have caused me throughout all of this. I was completely and totally in love with you and believed that you were too. I thought nothing could break us and that we would be together forever. Now, I feel empty, alone, ugly and just sad. Really sad.
It hurts me so much that you are now going out every night because I’m constantly thinking ‘who is she with?’, ‘has she met someone else already?’, ‘why has she changed so much?’. Then I get sad because you are doing things that I always wanted to do but you didn’t. I would always want to go out during the week after work or want you to stay up later with me but you always wanted to stay in or go to bed early. You can say that those are signs that things were not right, but the way you were with me was so loving and caring and didn’t allow me to see that anything was really wrong.
I have had thoughts to end all of this pain because I do sometimes really think I cannot handle anymore of this. But then I think that you would genuinely not care if I was gone and so think what would be the point, all I would do is cause hurt to the people that do actually care and love me.
I try telling others, and myself that I will move on and find someone new, but deep down I don’t believe that I will ever fully move on. You have taken such a big part of me and I still do not fully understand how this happened and why you have changed so much. I also don’t know what I have to offer someone, I gave you every part of me but it wasn’t enough for you so why would it be for someone else?
I don’t know if I will ever fall in love again but what I do know is that I will not let this break me. I am a strong person and am determined to live my life and be successful in whatever I do. What I have learnt from all of this is to not make scarifies for anyone.
So from today, I am living my life or me and only me!
P.S. I always told you that I loved you more.
