Man, i don't even know where to start this. It's been a pretty piss poor few months. But i think things are getting better now. I'm writing this because, after everything, i need real closure. Not avoidance, or comfort, but a real ending. So here goes, kiddo. Sometimes, I'm not sure how i feel about you. Some days, I'm angry. But I know I shouldn't be. At the end of the day, I think I had this idea in my head, that something took you from me. I know now that that is wrong. I say it in the kindest way possible, but you left. And I couldn't wrap my head around that. I wanted to be the hero, to bring you home, and to be the guy I should have been. Before. But you made a choice, and I don't resent you for that. I just don't know how I feel. I know that I want you to be happy, and that I have never seen anyone with as much life in them as you. And I'm not ashamed to admit, I do a lot of remembering. I always did have an elephants memory, and I bet I remember lots of silly things you might not. Like when you would ask me to make you food, and I'd always get on your nerves, calling you "Madam", and bowing and scraping my way to the kitchen. Or when you'd get this fiery look in your eyes, and start tickling my feet, right in that spot, until my eyes were wet. I don't like watching scary movies anymore. It isn't as fun with just me. But for all of that, every long night, and every memory, I still care about you. I hope you're living a dream. I hope you're so happy, and that you don't stress too much, and that you aren't sad anymore. I hope that boy is treating you right. You're worth more than everything this world has to offer. so don't let him treat you like some piece of meat, okay? Do you remember watching The Fault in our Stars? Sitting in the dark, in my old house's living room? I do. At the end, you cried, and i was pretty quiet. In the movie, Augustus is so afraid that he's going to be forgotten. I know how that feels, I think. That's what I want. Wherever your life takes you, remember me. The good stuff, not the crying, awkward guy I was sometimes. And above all, know that I'm so damn proud of you. I'll never forget you, either. You were my first in a lot of ways. First love. First heartbreak. But i would do it all again. I'm so glad that i met you. I know that there just isn't room for me in your life right now. I'm not mad, and i understand. Whatever happens when you see me, hurt or sadness or even indifference, I still smile when i remember you, you goof. We started talking to each other a year ago today, did you know that? You said you were going to marry me, and I had a heart attack from shyness. And 21 days from then, we were dating. That's the past now. I'm going to try really hard to make this the last time I ever bring this stuff up again. If you see me, you can act like we're meeting for the first time, if that makes it easier. That's about it. It's no napkin note, but here you go. Thanks for everything. You always have a spot in my heart. Get out there, be brave, because you are brave.
I love you, even if it makes me a fool. Good luck.
Corey Marshall Walker