A long time ago I used to wonder why? Questioned and never found real answers to why this happened to me?
Often, I have heard the saying “time heals”, but does it really heal or simply help you bury the pain? In some instances, time does heal, but in others it takes time and lots of searching that does the trick to healing. A long time ago when I was just a child, you hurt me. You gained my trust and without a doubt, I did not question your true intentions. I was only 11, trying to gain a better understanding of the world around me and somehow you knew how to take advantage of my ignorance.
At such an early age I learned the harsh truth of what the word “molesting” truly meant. Never in my life had I heard such a word, never had I even had to question or find out what “molesting” meant. All I remember is often feeling sad, like a dark cloud always followed me. Randomly one day I was at my local library when I stumbled on a book titled “sexual abuse”. Perhaps it was my curiosity or perhaps it was a higher being guiding me, but I remember picking up this book and reading about the subject. As I read this book, it was as if I was reading an autobiography. Once I knew the truth, it tore me apart because you were family, because I did not understand what I had done wrong to make you do me wrong. Once I had confirmed I was being victimized, the truth arose, and you were sent to jail. Truthfully your going to jail did not change the fact that I was a victim and felt very sad. I thought once I knew you were far and no longer ever hurt me would make things better but in my case at least, it did not.
Time did not help me heal, neither did therapy, truthfully it was a combination of both but most of all it was when I forgave you. Forgiveness is very tough to get to. Once you were in jail, it did not heal my suffering. It took a lot of time and self-searching to understand I had done nothing wrong, to help me see you were a misguided soul and once I forgave you, it brought peace to my life. I did not forgive you to make you feel better, I forgave you to help me heal and move on with my life. Today I am in a better place, I can talk about this harsh time of my life and hope that anyone that reads this understands there is room for forgiveness and healing. Because what happened to me will not and did not destroy me. Instead, I have chosen this incident to not define me, but for me to define what happened, set boundaries and help anyone out there with similar situations know there is light at the end of the tunnel.
