To: The boy I will never be with,
You always cross my mind at night when I lie alone in my bed. I cry just thinking about the fact that we no longer talk. That we are no longer best friends. I miss your hugs, those tight hugs you give me when you haven't seen me in awhile. You gave me my first drink when i was 14, you also gave me my first butterflies.
Darling, my sweet darling i miss hearing your voice every now and then. I wish I had never pushed you away. But I am unstable and lack control when it comes to my emotions. My inner monster let you go, my monster called borderline who I cant control in fact it controls me. I wish you knew how I felt... With every tear that falls at night I pray to god that I find someone like you. Every time I get drunk you cross my mind because its like you have a special part in it so I don't get drunk and cry anymore, because it hurts and I can't handle the pain. I am still very much in love with you and I know it isn't lust. If it were lust it wouldn't be this hard to get you off my mind. This small town we live in gives me hope that I can run to you someday and that you would save my broken soul. This small town smells of you and it is killing me because I have no way out. My parents adore you and ask me about you but i reply in silence.
Shes a lucky girl. She has you. She has everything I ever wanted. Our friends no longer sweet talk me because I am no longer part of it. I lost everything that led me and connected me to you. but i'll get over it i guess... someday at least. you imprinted my heart.
Although we never dated, you will be the boy I tell my grandchildren about. I wish you never made me feel the way I do. I wish I was enough for you.
I will love you forever and always, my love.
Thank you for the memories but now we are back to being strangers.