Hello Dii!
You have a wonderful smile and a magnetic voice. Had I not been so deeply mystified by your sister, you would have been my cynosure and not her. I write these pleasantries to you only hoping that you do not confuse my compliments for flattery.
And I write to you for you have demeaned my hopes and faith in you, in ways beyond repair.
You don't know me well, but trust me when I say I share equal excitement and joy for her wedding tomorrow. My heart overflows with constant well-wishes and small prayers, and it has been so for some time now - I believe you would relate to this.
Even I have had random outbursts of tears in the past few days, just like you did the other day, and like you would do tomorrow.
One of the reasons for my tears is for the fact that she will be gone now.. that she will be more his than ours .. for the eternal "If" - if she can handle it all? - if she breaks? - if she can adjust to this new life?
But dii, I also know for a decent surety that she can, and she will. She wouldn't leave a scope for complaint - she wont let you (all) down.
But this is the other reason for my tears and my outburst:- the fact that she would never let you all down. For the fact that you knew. For the fact that you knew and still you didn't do much.
That you could have given her all that she wanted - and yet you left her alone in this quest. You knew for a fact that even if she was dying, HE would have been more important that her last breath - this is what He meant to her (and i wonder if he still means the same to her) - and still you didn't do much. That you left your princess with no option but to give in - to lay down!
She didn't surrender because she was weak, or her love was - it was for the fact that her family meant more than anything else; even her own wishes and dreams.
Like a child is brain-washed that a chocolate is bad for health - and no matter how much he craves for it, he still repeats that he does not want the chocolate - to be the GOOD one, for the approval and acceptance of her people:- her lips kept repeating that it wont work, that it wasn't supposed to happen, that it wasn't the GOOD thing to happen - just for the sake of your acceptance and approval even after she knew what her soul really wanted.
You always gleamed the soothing hope that you would do all that was to be done. That you would stand for your baby girl. That you would not leave her out there - love bereft, under glaring eyes requiring her to always smile irrespective of what goes on inside her.
My angst is out of the fact that her wishes die tonight (or rather they already did when she said a yes three months ago ). That she will continue to smile and serve and make you proud and make your ego grow boundless for the fact that she remained caged in permitted societal bounds - but do you deserve her love?
I doubt if my words will ever convey my mental turmoil, or if you would understand my harsh words come from deep seated wounds that burn each time I realise my helplessness to make it right, to fix her up or be with her when she needs it the most.
I know you have your limitations too..
I don't know if you COULD have, but I believe you sure SHOULD have done something.
