Dear Misery,
I remember the times I was happy, before I met you. Maybe I wasn’t always the happiest but at least I had some joy in my life. Smiling wasn’t a big deal, but then I met you and my face turned angry like the dark, black storms. Misery, you have turned my whole life around just so you can squeeze into it. I blame myself for letting you go this far into terrorizing my life, you could’ve at least been decent.You could have at least let me have some light and some happiness but no. Now, I'm going to bring the light to the deep truth of the life you wanted for me.
I’ve hated you since the first time I experienced you in my life. The pain you’ve inflicted upon me caused wounds to cut deep within. Your words have haunted my existence in this world. Misery, You couldn't stand me being happy for one second, so you fought to be bring me down to the action that is a disgrace in my mind…..suicide attempts. I’ve struggled with being able to look at myself beautifully because of what you wished upon me. Misery, you have done so many things to ruin me but I'm still existing whether you want me to be or not. It’s been a tough road between you and I for most of my life.
One night the bright and sunny day, became a dark and gloomy day, It was the day you decided to intervene with the last bit of happiness I had left in me. I came home from my aunt’s house in mixed emotions. My mom knew ahead of time to watch out for me and Misery you lead my mom to not pay attention to the next move I was going to make. Misery you were wishing it could be a life threatening situation and your wish came true. You made your face look like mine, though you were me and my life.
I’ve tried to fight through those five times going to the hospital and being alone with the pages I colored, what about the food menu, the big clear window and the tv that wasn't even close to entertaining. Even though I couldn’t technically be alone in a room I was with a Constant,a person who supervises you in a room when you're admitted into a hospital . You would especially need one in my case because of my suicidal intentions. I wasn't focused on getting out not being all fun with lilies and daisies. My goal was to get out and get home because the weeks I was stuck there the more stuck in my emotions I felt. Doctors came to see me everyday saying the same old thing each and every day. Every time I was going to get discharged I lied my way through everything to stop feeling like I was going to make the hospital my home.
Misery oh Misery look what you have done, I know you have won but just know this challenge has just begun. Suicide isn't what killed me it was the misery that did. No matter how much I pushed through, it was you that had to pull me from the finish line. Here we go again time after time in and out of hospitals I realized something. I realized that YOU misery and yes i'm talking to you, misery you may no longer lead my life into the dark or drag me into your light that I call darkness. I am standing up for once and for all and removing you out of my life. You may have broke me down but I as Tiseari am picking my head up.
Sincerely,
Your old victim
Tiseari Addishin
