Dear Krystal Skwar and all who believe Sexual Assault should replace Rape:

Subject: Dear Krystal Skwar and all who believe Sexual Assault should replace Rape:
From: A Rape Survivor
Date: 5 Apr 2016

You’re kidding. No really, you must be.

I read your article "Rape Or Sexual Assault? Which Word We Use Matters More Than You’d Think" the other day during a round of extensive research on rape statutes from state to state, and at first, I was flabbergasted. The more I read, however, the angrier I became. In a piece that was weighing the impact, validity and benefit of two terms currently used to name a terrible, all-too-often-committed crime, the presence of words like ‘modern’, ‘less emotionally charged’ and ‘too much cultural baggage’ seemed to be talking more about the public’s comfort than the validation of rape victims or the focus on perpetrators.

“In the word rape, I see a victim in a dark alley. I see a drunk girl being attacked by a friend on the way home from a party. I see a blurry-but-unimportant assailant, and my attention is focused on the victim and his or her shame.” - Skwar

Talk about stereotypes! You’re an educated woman who teaches English, and that is what you envision hearing the word rape? This kind of thinking is a big part of the reason we live in such a pervasive rape culture. When people assign stereotypical garbage to a word, it is their view and not the word that needs to change. I am a survivor of rape. I was neither drunk nor in a dark alley, and I assure you, my attackers were the furthest thing from blurry or unimportant though I imagine it is nice to be afforded the choice to decide which word makes you feel more focused on the crime, its victim, and its perpetrator. The fact that you attribute being ‘focused on the victim and his or her shame’ when it is called rape shows that you and others like you are fuel to the existence of the very rape culture you’re suggesting will change because of two words.

I, however, fail to see how sexual assault makes the actions of the perpetrator the focus, but rape brings focus to the victim, their culpability, and shame. Sexual assault minimizes the ordeal, reducing it to forced sex (which I maintain does not exist, as sex requires two (or more) consenting people). If forcible penetration of any bodily orifice occurs, regardless of the object used to commit the acts or the unconscious/conscious state of the victim, and there was no consent from the victim — it’s rape, plain and simple. Sadly, there is shame initially with nearly all survivors. In no way does this give, or should it ever be, a basis for judgment by others regardless of what we call it. Those feelings are an unfortunate part of the aftermath and are present in part because of the blame people want to lay on the victim for a variety of reasons. We need to change the stereotypes, not the word. 


While the beginning of the article made attempts to be inclusive of all victims of this crime, midway through you switch to Latin definitions and focus on once held views about vaginas, women, and the biblical inference that those things are property. I would agree that that particular line of thinking is outdated, but it is far from an adequate argument that rape is no longer a sufficient descriptor of this violent crime. There are many words that no longer mean what they did in biblical times, but we have adapted and adopted new, more relevant meanings for those words. Why should rape be any different? And how does leaning on this reasoning provide equal representation of non-female survivors?

‘"Rape" is still laden with cultural myths that blame the victim, and no matter how we define it, victims are still afraid to report because of these myths.’ - Skywar

Again, changing the word is the absolute wrong approach. With every revision of the legal definition, more and more survivors are being included and therefore, validated. By focusing on what is wrong with society’s view of this crime, we are empowering victims to step forward and report. We are providing a less confining environment for them to recover, heal and move forward. Drawing attention to the misleading ‘sexual’ nature of the crime invites a whole new set of obstacles, not the least of which is more shame.

Sexual assault does not, will not and cannot ever remove shame. The misconceptions about rape will likely always persist, and the legal flip-flopping and discrepancies brought about by the argument of sexual assault vs. rape only serve to further distract the populous from the real issue. Rape culture is more than the word used to name the crime of personal, physical violation.

I do agree that ‘"Rape" and "sexual assault" are not interchangeable’, but as for the insinuation that ‘one is, in fact, more ethical, more modern, and more enlightened than the other,’ (that being sexual assault) I have this to say:

Are you fucking serious?

As a survivor of rape, I am not concerned with whether the name of the crime committed against me sounds, feels or appears more “ethical, modern or enlightened.” How’s this for enlightened? My body was restrained by force, shoved into the backseat of my own car, held against my will, while my body and soul were being trampled and beaten. I had a stranger’s penis thrust into my mouth and throat, gagging me until I couldn't breathe. My vagina was invaded by that same penis against my will, resulting in searing pain and the sensation of tearing skin. That same penis despite my screams and attempts to pull away penetrated my anus, and it felt like I was being impaled. I was subjected to further degradation by having another man's seminal fluid ejaculated onto my stomach. I was verbally accosted and demeaned during the entire traumatic event. I was threatened with bodily harm and left in a place I was unfamiliar with. Sexual assault wouldn’t aptly describe my nightmare because it was a violation of not just my body, but also my mind and my soul.

Two men wielded violent, physical and psychological control over all that I was, leveraging their body parts as weapons. It can only be described as rape. I care that the words and definitions that describe the trauma I was subjected to encompass the entirety of the event, not just the forced penetration of my body’s orifices. When we call it rape, the perpetrator is a rapist. What exactly do we refer to the perpetrator as when we call it sexual assault? The assaulter? I mean, let's get real for a minute here. The word is supposed to be ugly. It is describing unthinkable acts and shouldn't be subjected to someone's attempt to make it seem more ‘modern’, 'enlightened' or somehow more ‘ethical’.

Replacing rape with sexual assault acknowledges only one aspect of a crime, however misleading, and negates the true nature of the crime. The use of sexual assault is designed to appease the masses that are uncomfortable with the images the word rape conjures, albeit under the guise that the word rape promotes victim shaming and shifts focus from the perpetrator. Indeed, the negative connotations that have been attached to the word rape only serve to keep us stuck in an environment of shame, blame and misguided attentions. Changing the word might temporarily shift these things, but it creates a narrow interpretation of the crime and what occurred. As a matter of fact, I see this trend as doing far more harm than good when it comes to survivors and the prosecution of rapists.

Words do tell stories; you have that much right. The term rape may seem “terrible and outdated” to you personally, and others like you, but to those of us who have survived the nightmare it is a much better word to express and validate the horror we endured than sexual assault. In the near 25 years I’ve been a rape survivor, I have yet to come across another survivor who calls their experience anything other than rape. Even those whose trauma doesn’t meet the legal definition of this crime refer to that life-altering event as attempted rape. The word we choose to name the criminal act committed against us does make a difference, but not in the way your article suggests. Sexual assault doesn’t work, and here is why:

Sexual assault implies there was sex. Assault is relatively straight forward, a person’s body was hurt in some way by another person. The word sexual, however, intended to convey the nature of the crime, softens the offense. It gives people the false notion that sex was in any way part of the attack. Forced and unwanted penetration of bodily orifices by another person(s) is not sex. This crime is insidious in its nature, particularly because the tool or weapon of choice resembles that of a pleasurable act between two (or more) consenting individuals.

I have been wholly against the trend in the justice system, as well as the general public, of replacing rape with sexual assault. The two words do not come close to conveying the true nature of the crime. They never will. Despite the phrase ‘every rape is a sexual assault, but not every sexual assault is a rape’, there are better words to convey the difference. Like murder, I believe that the crime of rape should be defined as rape in degrees. Calling it something different does nothing to correct the misinformation and victim blaming that exists today.

Trust me when I say that survivors of this crime agree that the word rape is terrible, and so should the rest of the population. It conveys the violent and unwanted acts that it should. It is more than an assault that bears a vague resemblance to sex, and the more we attach images of sex to a crime that has nothing whatsoever to do with sex, the less understanding people will have about those of us who survive it. It is difficult enough coming to terms with the life sentence thrust upon victims by their rapist(s), and yes, combating the misconceptions and stereotypes are part of the problem.

Clearly, you have never been subjected to the abject terror and extreme violation of rape, and the fact that readers are unable to comment on this piece suggests you are aware of the unpopular view many readers will have of this article. While I find your points of view to be insulting and shallow, I do want to thank you for writing this piece. This minimized view on a crime I have personal experience with has provided me with the resolve to push for real change by addressing the falsehoods and the ever-present reality of rape culture. This isn't a subject that the general public should feel enlightened or more modern about. Every person should be shocked and horrified; rape should be called rape, not sexual assault, and rapists should be called exactly what they are, rapists. We don’t have to wrap that shit up in a prettier package to prove how advanced and civilized we’ve become since Jesus walked the earth.

Sincerely,

A Rape Survivor

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